Rick Pitino Pays Woman $3,000 To Have Abortion

Rick Pitino paid $3,000 to escape the possibility of parenthood with the woman accused of extorting him. Will Louisville keep Rick in the Cards?

Rick Pitino Pat Forde Karen Sypher

• No wonder Reggie Miller has been so smitten with Ali Kay - she’s quite the fashion designer.

• The Pittsburgh Steelers show their own version of the shotgun formation.

• Kids at a Virginia basketball camp learn that Michael Vick is a wholesome, blameless creature.

• Whoever took it, please give Baron Davis’ laptop back - he has some “private images” he’d like to keep private.

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Ronaldo’s Terrifying ‘Night Of A Hundred Trannies’

You see in Brazil, they know how to scorn an opponent. You make your tiny, weak sign accusing Manny Ramirez of taking steroids, they unfurl a giant banner declaring Ronaldo “King of the Transvestites”. Nice teamwork and execution there. Plus, it’s a positive, upbeat message: They’re not saying that Ronaldo is a “dirty transvestite lover” or something like that. He is their king!

Flamengo fans, Ronaldo

Fans of Brazilian soccer club Flamengo are obviously a little peeved at our chubby hero for forsaking their team at the last minute and signing with arch rival Corinthians a while back. Add to that Ronaldo’s infamous run-in with a couple of transvestite hookers last year, and you have the makings for comedy gold on Saturday at Maracanã stadium, when Corinthians came to town. But the banner was only the beginning. Read more…

Ronaldo Wants To Be The Johnny Depp Of Iran

Unless I’m mistaken, Iran isn’t exactly known for its thriving movie industry — they frown on all moving pictures, even the cell phone camera kind. But Ronaldo is ready to change all of that — the Brazilian soccer star has signed to appear in an Iranian movie, of which he is one of the main subjects.

Ronaldo

The movie, which doesn’t yet have a title, is based on the true story of a 13-year-old Palestinian girl who dreamed of meeting Ronaldo when he visited the Middle East on a humanitarian mission in 2005. But she was killed in a political conflict before meeting him. Read more…

Ronaldo In Hot Water For Pinching, Pulling Hair

Memorial Day is about America, and how awesome we are. So in that spirit I give you one of the greatest soccer players in history, being given a timeout for fighting like a girl.

Ronaldo

Ronaldo, quite a few years past his prime, is toiling for Corinthians soccer club in São Paulo. TV cameras caught him last week pinching and pulling the hair of an opposing player, and now he’s got to go before a sports tribunal and explain his actions. I think I saw this on a telenovela once.

Video after the jump.

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Speed Read: Running Up The Score On Venezuela

WOOOO! YEAH! AMERICA ROCKS! OUR FOREIGN POLICY HAS JUST BEEN VINDICATED BECAUSE WE KICKED SOME ASS ON THE DIAMOND! YEAH! The score was USA 15, Venezuela 6 in first-round World Baseball Classic action last night, and with a 2-0 record in pool play, the Americans are assured of advancing to the next round. Your heroes are Chris Ianetta (3-run double in 6th inning) and Mark DeRosa (4 RBI). Wait, those guys are actually on America’s roster? Seriously?

Mark DeRosa slide
(DeRosa, proving that refs totally listen to you when you say you’re safe.)

As to whether we can glean too much joy from beating the tar out of a team from a country with a GDP that’s roughly the same as the state of Iowa? (By the way, you’ve got to click that link; I don’t know if Alabama’s or Texas’ corollary is funnier or more offensive to their residents.) Sure. For as meh a country as Venezuela is on the global stage, their lineup was filled with starting-caliber talent. The meat of the Venezuela order, consisting of Bobby Abreu, Miguel Cabrera, Magglio Ordonez, and Carlos Guillen, is downright All-Star quality. If only their pitching wasn’t garbage.

In college basketball, we now know five teams that’ll be losing in the first round of the tournament, plus North Carolina smacked Duke down for the ACC regular season title, 79-71. The men of the match were Tyler Hansborough, giving the Dean Dome 17 points in his last home game, and Ty Lawson, who was doubtful to play (oh, please) with a sprained toe but poured in 13, 9, and 8 in the win.

UNC Duke Scheyer Face
(Scheyer Face alert! Code red! This is not a drill!)

UNC’s now 6 for their last 7 against the Blue Devils, who were beaten for the second seed in the ACC tourney by Wake Forest. Suddenly, even a 2 seed in the NCAAs doesn’t seem so assured for Coach K’s charges. FIRE THE BUM!

As for hockey (or as they call it in Europe, “football”), we do need to commend Washington Capitals fans with a spirited, to say the least, attack on Sidney Crosby’s worth as a hockey player and as a man. The singular fatal flaw in their plan, however, was the fact that Crosby’s still one of the five best players in the NHL. As it turns out, Crosby made Washington pay dearly: one goal, one assist, and the clinching goal in the shootout to give Pittsburgh the 4-3 victory. But hey… nice work on the signs, fans.

Sidney Crosby Crybaby
(And you can’t spell “Penguin” without “P-U-N!” Wakka wakka wakka!)

As for Alex Ovechkin, the Caps’ superstar, he had a magnificent performance of his own. No, it won’t show up in the stat sheet… but it will show up on TV and YouTube, because it’s incredible. Courtesy of the DC SPORTS BOG:

Some links to consider while you recover from being run over by a bull

  • Did you ever watch that “Real Housewives of Atlanta” show? No? Us neither. But apparently the one who’s the ex-wife former Atlanta Falcon Bob Whitfield’s being sued by Whitfield for about $87,000. Honest mistake on her part, we’re sure.
  • The Toronto Maple Leafs GM, on whether the NHL will ban fighting: “I will personally challenge anyone who wants to get to rid of fighting to a fight.” Um, that’s a joke, right?
  • Fat Ronaldo’s back from that horrific injury, and his first goal is a game-winner in injury time. Naturally, it comes replete with fans going completely ballistic and fences being torn down. Because hey, it’s soccer, and that’s just, y’know, what you do.

Will Duke ever be better than UNC while Coach K and Roy Williams are around?

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Tebow A Cut Above The Rest; Benson Wants Mom

SbB enjoys the sights & sounds of the Virgin Islands - America’s Caribbean!

• When it comes to circumcising Filipino children, Florida quarterback Tim Tebow is a cut above the rest.

Tim Tebow With Bikini Hottie

(The Gators QB studying up on the human body)

Cedric Benson claims he wasn’t drunk, but he did want his mommy.

• Got $12,000 burning a hole in your pocket? Why not spend it on a soccer ticket in Moscow?

Jimmy Kimmel & Bill Simmons weigh in on E:6o’s age assassination of Miguel Tejada.

Nick Saban & Gary Pinkel recall the 1970 shootings at Kent State.

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Clemens, Ronaldo Provide Lessons on Apologies

As Fridays are the day for dumping unwanted news, Mondays are the day to get your name into the news for more positive press. Therefore, welcome to “So Sorry!” Monday. Your guests this week include Roger Clemens and soccer star Ronaldo.

First up: Roger Clemens, the man that doesn’t know when to say “settle for a minuscule amount of cash with the guy crazy enough to keep your old gauze for a decade”. The discovery process for that civil trial has now led to revelations of (all alleged) performance enhancing drug use, extra-marital affairs, and statutory rape. So how do you apologize, Roger Clemens?

That’s right; it’s the Jason Giambi apology! Apologize broadly for all your sins and ask for forgiveness. Sorry, Roger; you only wish the American public worked like the Catholic Church.
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Ronaldo’s Heel Puts A Stop To This Foolishness

If you’re one of those people that doesn’t get hung up on sports that don’t feature a lot of offense, you can appreciate the athleticism of an athlete like Ronaldo of Man U.

And even if you are, you’ll appreciate this goal that he scored last night.

(Video after the jump.) Read more…