ATNN SEC COACHES: STEP INTO SLY’S DEAD LETTER OFFICE The website POLITICS AND SPORTS has a great post today about Mississippi State coach Sylvester Croom, who is the most deserving of all the college coach of the year candidates (sorry Zooker and Azamat).

And as Croom basks in the glow of MSU’s astonishing season, he also leaves in his wake the strewn wreckage of SEC coaching careers.

Excerpt: “Croom may be the most feared man in the history of Southern college football. The affable head coach at Mississippi State University has been responsible for the firing of at least three (SEC) football coaches.

“Croom has not reported these coaches’ infractions to the NCAA nor has he highlighted any personal indiscretions these coaches have committed. All Croom has done is to win football games against the teams coached by the ‘Croom Three’.”

The three:

1) Ron Zook (Florida)
2) Mike Shula (Alabama)
3) Eddy O. (Ole Miss)
4) Nick Saban (Alabama)

THE ZOOKER FINDS ANOTHER MAN ILLEGALLY DOWNFIELD: We are as depressed as all of you about Illinois falling prey to powerhouse Iowa yesterday.

We’re just happy that Zooker didn’t allow his frustration to get the best of him after the game.

Our only hope left for the college football season now is the U.S.A. at large finally becoming acquainted to the rapidly growing legend of Mark Mangino (6-0!).

KU COACH MANGINO EATS MAKES MORE THAN LLOYD CARR: Undoubtedly our favorite college football site is CoachesHotSeat.com. The site ranks every single Division I-A college football by likelihood of getting the sack.

Right now, Al Groh of Virginia is #1 - somehow ahead of Lloyd Carr (#2) and Charlie Weis (#3). The rest of the current Top 10, which is updated weekly:

4) Sylvester Croom (Miss St.)
5) Houston Nutt (Ark.)
6) Tommy West (Memphis)
7) Mike Stoops (Ariz.)

Greg Robinson (Syracuse)
9) Kyle Whittingham (Utah)
10) Ted Roof (Duke)

Also listed are the salaries of all I-A head coaches for the 2007 season, which is nearly as interesting as the rankings (great stuff!).

From that we learned that our favorite college football coach, prime gastric bypass surgery candidate Mark Mangino at Kansas, makes an astounding $1.5M+ per season. Meanwhile, Carr pulls in $1.2M annually (we’re guessing UM fans would take fatboy at the moment).

More coaches who have great agents (and/or dumbass ADs):

• Weis $3.5M(!)
• Kirk Ferentz (Iowa) $2.8M
• Groh $1.8M
• Gary Pinkel (Mizzou) $1.3M
• The Zooker (Illinois) $1.2M

• Guy Morriss (Baylor): $1.14M
• Todd Graham (Tulsa): $1.1M (what the?)
• Gene Chizik (Iowa St.): $1.1M(!)
• Dan Hawkins (Colorado): $1.1M

And coaches who have sh– agents (and/or discerning ADs):

• Frank Solich (Ohio) $262K
• Karl Dorrell (UCLA) $800K

• Chris Peterson (Boise) $850K
• Bill Doba (Wazzu) $599K
• June Jones (Hawaii) $820K
• Jim Tressel (Ohio St.) $2.0M

Your lowest paid Division I-A Coaches: Shane Montgomery, Miami (OH), $139,500 and Charlie Weatherbie, Louisiana-Monroe, $130K.

THE ZOOKER ROCKS WRIGLEY FIELD (PLUS HE SANG TOO!): In an effort to revive reinvigorate his base in Chicago, our favorite football coach, thanks to DEADSPIN, Ron Zook, sang “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” at Wrigley Saturday:

Mindful of Mr. Zook’s family and friends, we’ll withhold our feelings on his performance. But we can’t say the same for a couple bloggers:

JACOBS WELL’s reax upon hearing the Zooker butcher up Harry’s favorite beer drinking ditty: “Ron Zook should be fired. He had to use a crib sheet - he didn’t know the words!”

And there’s oh such much more …

NICK ANN STREET used the unfortunate occasion to point out that the Cubs need to stop the practice of guest Stretch singers (among other invectives directed at Illinois’ best known water skier): “They had Illinois football coach Ron Zook. When he stood up to sing my eyes almost popped out of my head. He had a script!! The man did not know the words to Take me Out to the Ball Game.

“This is not a tribute to Harry Caray, this is a travesty. Then when he was interviewed in the bottom half of the inning, he mentioned that he would like to play a football game in Wrigley Field someday like the old days.

“I am sorry Mr. Zook, there is no way that you are going to bring your laughing stock of the Big Ten of a football team onto the hallowed grounds of Wrigley Field. Nobody wants to come watch your team lose by 5 touchdowns in a baseball park.” (ed. note: right, they’re too busy watching the Cubs lose by 5 touchdowns)

OK, we’ve now got to exorcise these hurtful words from our Orange and Navy psyche to get back in the Proper State Of Mind - W. Illinos is only 15 weeks away!

PROVING AN SUCKER ILLINOIS FAN IS BORN EVERY MINUTE: Brian Grummell of AOL SPORTS BLOG has the most nonsensical breaking sports news of the week - besides the Kobe Bryant media pretzel maker: ILLINOIS FOOTBALL TICKETS ARE SELLING OUT(!).

But don’t believe me, believe this:

So apparently Illinois football, “which has enjoyed a generous season ticket sales increase with more than 10,000 new seat holders already on board for the 2007 campaign,” is back in good standing with alumni.

For Fighting Illini Coach Ron Zook, that’s of course good standing in a figurative sense only.

A group of Illinois faculty members is sending letters to prospective athletic recruits, suggesting they think twice about attending a school that continues “hostile and abusive” treatment of Native Americans.

The letter asks, “Do you want to play at a school that refuses to commit to equality for all races and that places more value on an outdated and divisive mascot than on a winning athletic program?”

Ahhh, so that’s why Ron Zook can’t recruit.

It’s not that his program is the laughing stock of the Big10 or that the Illini blew a 25-7 lead to Indiana at home.

It’s the anti-Chief Illiniwek cabal in the English Department.

A pro soccer player in Australia will have his wedding ring cut off his finger after he was not allowed to take the field in a game last weekend because of a league-wide ban on such bands.

Fans of the Illinois football team are hoping for a sideline ban on turtlenecks - and a similar accompanying response from Coach Ron Zook.

The ST. PETERBURG TIMES reports on preposterous contract perks of Florida football coach Urban Meyer:

· Use of two cars with insurance paid. · 12 game tickets plus the right to buy up to 40 more. · A $250,000 bonus if the Gators win the BCS title ($150,000 more than former coach Ron Zook would have received). · $60,000 expense account ($40,000 more than Zook).

Urban Meyer, in honor of Florida frat party-attendee Ron Zook, should certainly reinstate suspended Gator linebacker Taurean Charles (who punched a UF student in the head and threw a beer keg on his face during a party).

Norm Clarke of the LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL has an ARod sighting, and the apparent fallout from the Yankees’ ALCS collapse: "New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez, being turned away Saturday at Tangerine (Treasure Island)."

To be fair, the club was hosting a private party. But don’t cha think the velvet rope would’ve been lowered for a member of the Red Sox?

Norm also has a *hot* college football scoop. Jerry Glanville is campaigning for the soon-to-be-vacated UNLV head football coaching job.

Norm also reports "Ten days ago, Ralph Ortega, a two-time All-American linebacker at the University of Florida and a former NFL player, urged UF to hire Glanville as Ron Zook’s replacement."

I *wonder* if Norm got that from Glanville? Memo to Jerry: If you’re going to drop a name, don’t use a fossilized Florida Gator named Ralph Ortega.