Speed Read: Cubs Riding Hard Liquor Bandwagon

It wasn’t enough for Diageo, the makers of Smirnoff vodka, to invite the good folks of Phoenix out to see their hockey team free with the purchase of a bottle of booze.  Now they’re plastering their name across The World’s Largest Beer Garden in an attempt to make further inroads into the sports scene. That’s one way to pay for stadium upgrades if you won’t pony up to the governor.

Drunk Boozer Wrigley Field Cubs fans

Wrigley Field will now host the Captain Morgan Club (a restaurant) and the Smirnoff Patio and provide lovely mixed drinks to the fans that like to do a little drinking around 10 am at home and then ride the El to Addison and start downing car bombs around 11:30 am for a 1:20 pm start.

If Cubs fans aren’t careful, they might even put Toronto Blue Jays fans to shame.  That’s not easy to do, either; they can’t be stopped even if Daddy takes the alcohol away for a game.  (Not to mention the gratuitous nudity.)

Also gratuitous: the entire 2008-2009 NCAA women’s basketball season. The University of Connecticut Huskies won their 39th straight game by double-digits to complete their undefeated season and claim the nation’s crown.

Connecticut Huskies

Stanford University of Louisville kept this game competitive for about as long as you’ve been reading this article thus far, which still might be the best effort of the year for a UConn opponent.  This could be the point for a snide joke about going pro in a little something we call life, but these young women are already professional assassins.  Yikes.

We know the short-lived hole in the media filter (and the filter on media members themselves) caused by Twitter will soon close and leave us with more canned responses and layers of personal marketing protection.  As we speak, there are businesses springing up around the management of social spaces and new media integration and other phrases that dampen the soul.

For now, though, we live in truly awesome times.  Example: Bill Stewart (West Virginia’s head football coach and the antithesis of R-Rod) has been carrying on like a blessed fool on Twitter, including how he threw all the kickers out of a meeting or how he gets so fired up by Chubby Checker that he sprints into practice at 4:15 am.

West Virginia head coach Bill Stewart

Go like this, Coach Stewart.  Go like this all morning long.

And now the twisting hail of bullets that Carl Landry could heal up from in only three weeks

Francis Buxton

  • Stan Kasten, president of the Washington Nationals, went on Philly radio and told Phillies fans just how much they were welcome to fill those increasingly empty seats at Nationals Park, having apparently forgotten that D.C. sports fans survive the surprisingly harsh winters by burning compressed carbon logs of their own hate for other teams.  You’d think Stan Kasten had bigger fish to fry, frankly.  For example, Dmitri Young just called Stan Kasten’s house because he heard Kasten’s hosting a fish fry.
  • Your NBA Draft early departure update: Blake Griffin (as mentioned late yesterday), Jodie Meeks, and everyone in the city of Tucson.  They’re gonna need a bigger green room.
  • Senator Ted Kennedy threw out the first pitch at Fenway Park on Opening Day.  Senator Bill Frist saw this video and declared Kennedy alive and well, raising his batting average to .500.
  • The San Diego Padres have one chance at a title: Miss California Carrie Prejean (a former “Deal or No Deal” model) will be competing for the Miss USA title in Vegas on April 19th and she’s a former member of the Padres’ “Pad Squad”.  It’s good that she’s no longer with the organization or Becky Moores might demand weekend visitation rights.

Carrie Prejean, Miss California 2009

How many majors for Tiger Woods this year?

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Bills Fans All Ready To Raise The Roof In Toronto

When the Bills lost an AFC East home game to a neutral field in Toronto, they were understandably upset about not having a home field advantage. Well, now they’re trying to find a way to get it back, signing a petition demanding officials in Toronto open the Rogers Centre’s retractable roof to better simulate the conditions at Orchard Park’s Ralph Wilson Stadium.

crazy bills fan shirtless

(This man wants Toronto to open the Rogers Centre roof. Seriously.)

Yes, you read that right. Given a brief reprieve from an area constantly assaulted with some of the nation’s hardest winters, Buffalo fans are insisting the cold be brought in, much to the chagrin of the Dolphins and their fans, who, according to the ASSOCIATED PRESS, were ecstatic at getting out of a traditionally frigid date in upstate New York.

Dolphins players are certainly all in the same camp, as you can tell from the quote after the jump.

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Topless Toronto Gal Told Windows Were Tinted

Blue Jays fans got a rise out the latest peep show to pop up at Skydome Rogers Center, when a photographer for the TORONTO SUN caught a topless gal cavorting in the hotel rooms overlooking the Toronto ballpark.

Blue Jays mascot topless woman

And now SLAM! SPORTS tracks down the semi-nude sweetie to uncover what exactly was going on in that room next to the Jumbotron. Turns out the topless lass was working as a “hostess” for a stag party, and she mistakenly thought that the hotel windows were tinted.

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Blue Jays Fan Nekkid as a Jaybird in Hotel Suite

We can say with certainty that we’ve learned at least one fact about ourselves in our SPORTSbyBROOKS career: we want to party in Toronto at least once before we shuffle off this mortal coil. Between the drunken streaker-lites, the raucous fans, and the readily available strippers, we’re pretty sure we could find many ways to fail with NAFTA pickup lines.

Toronto Blue Jays topless fan

And let’s not forget the topless women in the Renaissance Hotel attached to the Rogers Centre, home of the Blue Jays. The OTTAWA SUN didn’t and snapped a quick pic of just such a thing last weekend. We have remarkably few conversations like the one pictured at baseball games, but again… we don’t party in Toronto.
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