Speed Read: Eli Manning’s Brother Is OK QB Too

Remember way back in October, when the Indianapolis Colts were 3-4 and their playoff hopes looked completely dead in the water? What a difference a couple of months make. Last night’s 31-24 win over the Jacksonville Jaguars was the team’s eighth straight, clinching a playoff berth and as the INDIANAPOLIS STAR notes, made them the first team ever to win 11 or more games in six straight seasons. And Tony Dungy became the first coach since the merger to make the playoffs in ten straight years.

Peyton Manning vs the Jacksonville Jaguars

All impressive, but the star of the night was Peyton Manning. You might not have noticed, but after struggling a bit during the team’s early slump, Peyton’s stepped out of his little brother Eli’s shadow, putting together a string of great performances despite not having a run game to speak of. And last night might have been his best yet: 364 yards and three touchdowns, including completing his first 17 passes in a row.

If he keeps this up, he might get some endorsements in the future. The game was a bit of a letdown for Jaguars fans, but their highlight had to come before the game, when paralyzed lineman Richard Collier took the field in a wheelchair with his teammates. No jokes there, just a Christmas wish that no other NFL players (or athletes) are the victims of needless crime in 2009.

Meanwhile, the NFL wants you to become a narc. Not about drugs (so please stop following Ricky Williams around, thanks), but about unruly fan behavior. USA TODAY reports that NFL teams are giving fans a way to report obnoxious fans to stadium security by sending a text message.

Text message sign for unruly NFL fans

It’s more discreet than having to find a security guard and point someone out, but it does lend itself to “prank texts” of people wanting to kick people out of the stadium. For example, Buffalo fans shouldn’t text message security and demand that Dick Jauron is kicked out of the stadium for “impersonating an NFL head coach.” Note: the Saints, Rams and Titans don’t offer this service, so feel free to act like complete cretins at these games.

You can choose one QB at their peak to build your dream team around. Who’s your pick?

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Oden Is Headed For A Ricky Williams Breakdown

When Greg Oden entered the league, he was seen as a fun-loving kid who just happened to look 45. Well, now his persona is reportedly matching his appearance, taking a nose dive just when a number of middle-aged stock brokers watch their retirement pension funds go up in smoke. Hey, you’d be pretty depressed, too, if you lost $3 million in a week.

oden with puppy

(Leave Greg and his puppy alone. They’re sulking.)

Oden? This guy should be happy with one of the world’s greatest lives. He’s an immensely compensated professional athlete who lives in a beautiful city that wants nothing more than to love him as he resurrects the franchise. The problem is that, while the Trail Blazers are clearly on an upswing, Oden hasn’t been the catalyst. That’s left the big man more than sulky, according to PORTLAND OREGONIAN beat writer Jason Quick on Portland’s 1080 THE FAN sports radio on Wednesday. Here’s the best pull from what Quick had to say:

I can’t really stand to be around him. He’s such a downer. He’s not a very fun guy to be around and he’s not a very fun guy to talk to. I think his teammates like him, but that guy is not interacting with very many guys in the locker room right now. He can’t let go of being Greg Oden. I think he’s obsessing with all this expectations. Until he starts having fun again playing basketball, he’s not going to get better. I don’t know how he’s going to do that.

That sure sounds like early burnout, doesn’t it?

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Ricky Williams Doesn’t Do Buds During Bye Week

Ricky Williams really wanted to get high during the Dolphins’ bye - but the RB had the strength to spike such smoky thoughts.

Ricky Williams Just Say No

• The Steelers & Ravens really played some smashmouth football Monday night - along with smashed legs, smashed shoulders, smashed knees, etc.

• Oakland Raiders assistant Randy Hanson says Lane Kiffin was trying to sabotage his career. Well, Randy won’t have to worry about that anymore.

• A school that hasn’t even played its first basketball game has fired their coach - for excessive swearing, dammit.

Josh Howard says he’s sorry he talked smack about the Star Spangled Banner.

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Ricky Williams Resists The Urge To Smoke Weed

Considering that Ricky Williams has cost himself millions of dollars in his NFL career by testing positive for marijuana four times, we come to understand one thing: Ricky Williams really likes to get high. I mean, if I were in Ricky’s position I would probably just forget about the weed, and get high like rich people are meant to get high. By having my doctor write me some bogus prescriptions, but Ricky? Ricky just wants the weed, man.

So it’s no surprise that the last three days had to be pretty tough on him. The Miami Dolphins were on a bye this weekend, so Ricky really didn’t have anything better to do than sit around his house. It was the perfect time for him to just roll a couple joints and just chill out.  Well, thankfully for Ricky and the Dolphins, he was able to fight that urge.

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Dolphins End Patriots’ 21-Game Winning Streak

And there goes the perfect season. Everyone knew the Patriots wouldn’t stand a chance at matching last year’s (almost) perfect season after Tom Brady lost the various CLs in his leg, but who would’ve guessed that the lowly Miami Dolphins would be the ones to break their winning streak. Or that they’d do it in such convincing fashion?

Bill Belichick, not happy

The loss ends the Patriots’ run of 21 straight regular-season victories. Meanwhile, the win for the Dolphins matches all of the victories they had all of last season. And hey, did you hear about this Ronnie Brown fella? He had a pretty decent game.

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Jeff Gordon Very Happy With Model Wife & Mom

Be back at 8 p.m. ET for Tuffy’s live blog of tonight’s Tennessee-UCLA tussle.

Jeff Gordon believes wife Ingrid Vandebosch is quite the model mother.

Jeff Gordon Ingrid Vandenbosch

Roger Clemens’ kid Koby gets cuffed after brawling at a bar.

O.J. Simpson pal Tom Riccio bets he can rent out ad space on the limo he’ll be taking to the Las Vegas courthouse.

Matt Leinart doesn’t like being Kurt Warner’s backup.

Peter King isn’t pleased with new “Inside the NFL” co-host Warren Sapp badmouthing the previous Sapp-less seasons of the show.

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Ricky Williams Attends Night School for Pre-Med

Ricky Williams doesn’t travel to the beat of his own drummer. He invents his own percussion instruments, devises new technology to capture the sounds of the instruments, and then reworks the audio with Pro Tools until it’s indecipherable.  Then he disappears for three months and comes out smelling of patchouli and individualism.

Night School

News from Dolphins camp today tells us that Ricky Williams has been attending night school to finish his undergrad degree.  He’s focusing on pre-algebra and English first.  Why?   From the drummer’s mouth himself: “I’ve always been good with numbers.”  Shine on, you crazy Dolphin.
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Man Takes Betting On Black Jack To A New High

Last week we gave you the story of a man attempting to make a down payment for the services of a hitman with NASCAR memorabilia, this week in the ludicrous alternative forms of currency file we bring you a man who decides to throw down a bag of marijuana as a bet at a black jack table.

Half Baked

Since this whole thing went down in a casino, home to more hidden cameras than a Patriots game, we have video evidence for your enjoyment.  Video via THE GRAND NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS after the jump.

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Hole-In-1 Caught On Film; Big Pain in Little League

Gisele’s not in Maxim’s Hot 100? Looks like it’s time for Tom to trade her in.

• It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole! A Cinderella story - caught on tape!

Carl Spackler Cinderella story

• Why must the children pay for the sins of the mother - especially when it comes to Little League concessions?

• The Baltimore Ravens cheerleaders flock down to the Dominican Republic for their bikini calendar shoot.

• The T-Wolves’ Fred Hoiberg will be bringing along a special stuffed friend to make the NBA Lottery a little more bearable.

• Does Mike Tyson really want a Slice of Kimbo?

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Parcells Prefers Players Do Mary Jane, Not Mambo

When it comes to off-field activities, it seems that Bill Parcells prefers his players toking up instead of getting down.

Ricky Williams Bill Parcells

While the Dolphins boss isn’t so thrilled with Jason Taylor out dancing with the stars, the Big Tuna doesn’t appear to have a big problem with Ricky Williams and his past herbal recreation.

LARRY BROWN SPORTS lights up the story from the SOUTH FLORIDA SUN-SENTINEL, where the rasta running back says he was sure he would be moved out of Miami once Parcells took over: Read more…