Seymour, Raiders Declare War With Entire World

It cannot, must not be fun to be part of the Raiders’ organization these days. As the curtain falls on Al Davis‘ ability to lead the organization with any coherence - oh, hell, that curtain fell five years ago, but nobody bothered to tell Davis - what’s left is merely a grotesque caricature of an NFL team, complete with stadium, fans, equipment and a schedule, but utterly devoid of the structure upon which an actual winning team is to be built.

Richard Seymour Raiders Fans
(”Welcome to Hell. We’ve been expecting you.”)

Thus, it must have been devastating for Richard Seymour to learn of his trade from the Patriots to the Raiders. Even that he was worth a first-round pick would be scant consolation ; that’s just one more opportunity (to be summarily wasted, of course, but an opportunity all the same) to add talent that’s gone. Fortunately, smoldering rage is a family value in the Raiders’ clubhouse, which means his arrival has been wonderfully smooth and he’s fitting right in.

By that, of course, we mean that he’s drawing penalties for pulling hair and trying to pick a fight with journalists twice his age. Like we said, fitting right in.

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NFLPA Grievance For Seymour? Um, Never Mind

Things were getting pretty uncomfortable between the Oakland Raiders and their newest acquisition, Richard Seymour. (Then again, isn’t everything involving the Raiders uncomfortable?) The ex-Patriot has been postponing his arrival in Oaktown, and the Raiders have been losing patience, finally sending Seymour a letter saying if he doesn’t show up in the next 5 days, he’s going to be suspended - possibly for the season.

Richard Seymour

Well, the NFL Players Association wasn’t too happy to hear about that, and they were ready to take action. The NFLPA said they planned to file a grievance on Richard’s behalf, arguing that the Raiders had no right to send such a threatening letter.

Um, on second though, never mind.

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We Have A Crabtree Sighting … Seymour? Um, No

So Michael Crabtree is perfectly healthy and working out in the San Francisco Bay Area, playing catch in an undisclosed location with Trent Dilfer. Hmm, is that in itself cause for alarm?

Michael Crabtree, Richard Seymour

More importantly: Could the 49ers’ reticent No. 1 draft pick be on the verge of caving in and accepting the team’s offer? Playing catch in Dilfer’s Santa Cruz backyard — when you live in Texas — are not exactly the actions of a man preparing for a six-month holdout. Meanwhile, the nearby Oakland Raiders are asking the musical question, where the %$&! is Richard Seymour?!?!

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Richard Seymour’s Wife Charged With Lynching

Why, you ask, would we be scared out of our shivvies by the wife of an NFL lineman? Well, maybe because Tanya Seymour, Pro Bowler Richard Seymour’s high school sweetheart and mother of his four children, was just charged with lynching … in South Carolina. Did we mention she’s African American? That’s got to take something, right? To be African American and charged with lynching in South Carolina?

tanya seymour richard seymour mug shot

(Wait, this is Richard Seymour’s wife? Really?)

The details of Mrs. Seymour’s attack come from WLTX TV in  South Carolina, which claims that the assault came at a New Year’s Eve party. And while Seymour is charged with lynching, she didn’t actually try to string someone up. Rather, she just beat the woman senseles, sending a flurry of punches to her body and face. Lee Higgins, the Police Beat Reporter at THE STATE, the Columbia, S.C. daily, has the more in-depth take here.

One victim suffered a “busted lip and contusions under her right eye and to her finger,” according to an affidavit. The other “sustained a bruise to her left arm, scratches to her face and a sprained right wrist,” according to another affidavit. That victim also had a sore scalp from one attacker pulling her hair, it says.

Owwwww. And why would Mrs. Seymour launch such a heinous sneak attack on a fellow South Carolinian? Well, this may come as a shock (it shouldn’t), but old Richard was supposedly sleeping with the victim.

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Speed Read: Seymour’s Wife Arrested In Lynching

I cringe when I hear the words “lynching” and “South Carolina” in the same sentence. But this is about as bizarre as it gets. THE STATE is reporting that Tanya Seymour, the wife of New England Patriots defensive lineman Richard Seymour, was arrested on Thursday and charged with second-degree lynching stemming from an incident at a New Year’s Eve party. (This is what happens when you change the channel from “Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve” to MTV without asking.)

Tanya Seymour mug shot

I’m sure your initial reaction is the same as mine: lynching? Turns out that no ropes were used: PRO FOOTBALL TALK breaks down the South Carolina Code of Laws, which defines second-degree lynching as “any act of violence inflicted by a mob upon the body of another person and from which death does not result.” So maybe not quite as horrific as you would first think, but still not good.

Richard Seymour

Police allege that Tanya Seymour was among a group of people who “jumped” two women at a New Year’s Eve party after they had got into an argument and were asked to leave. The arrest affidavit claims that Tanya Seymour was part of the mob, and punched the two women several times in the face and body. Oddly enough, the affidavit also claims that she had use of illegally obtained scouting videos to prepare for the beatdown.

The injuries were fairly minor, including bruises, a busted lip and a sprained wrist. One of the women also claimed that her scalp was sore from having it pulled during the fight. And in one of the most obvious statements I’ve ever seen in a news story:

“The victims left after the attack, the incident report says.”

Really? Because I heard some people were making a run for another keg.

If convicted, Tanya Seymour faces up to 20 years in prison. The incident adds to the list of problems her husband has had to deal with in recent years, including his father killing his former girlfriend before killing himself. And if San Diego Chargers center Nick Hardwick thought Seymour was a dirty player, he really wouldn’t want to face his wife.

And speaking of beatdowns: Joe Torre might want to be leery if David Wells invites him to watch the Super Bowl with some of his buddies at his place this weekend.  The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS says that Wells has vowed to “knock him out” if he ever sees Torre on the street after his former skipper ripped him in his new book. Specifically, Torre compared Wells to Kevin Brown, except that “both make your life miserable, but David Wells meant to.

Joe Torre and David Wells

And of course Wells has a great response to those allegations: sure, he was a total pain, but not on purpose. Like when he would yell at Torre in the locker room because the manager had the temerity to turn down his boombox when he was blasting it before the games. Or get in drunken fistfights at diners at all hours of the night.  Based on Wells’ health issues and Type 2 Diabetes, Torre might want to carry around some concealed Pixy Stix in case he needs a weapon to defend himself against an attack.

  • …and No. 1 on David Letterman’s Top Ten Reasons He Likely Won’t Field an IndyCar Team This Year: no money. Not very funny, but then again, his partner Bobby Rahal isn’t laughing as he tells the INDIANAPOLIS STAR that while Rahal Letterman Racing will likely field a car at the Indianapolis 500, a lack of sponsorship will probably keep the team from the full IndyCar season.
  • Bobby Rahal and David Letterman

  • Meanwhile, the economic mess is also hitting north of the border, as THE CANADIAN PRESS reports that Toronto Blue Jays assistant general manager Bart Given was let go as a cost-cutting move. Or as part of a power play between the team’s interim CEO Paul Beeston and GM J.P. Ricciardi. Either way, Given gets to enjoy the Canadian unemployment system, which I believe includes 100 percent benefits and a free, stress-relieving massage.
  • MMA JUNKIE has the life story of Helio Gracie, the Gracie family patriarch and pioneer in the creation and growth of mixed martial arts, who tapped out to the chokehold in the sky on Thursday morning in Rio de Janiero at 95. Naturally, he’ll be laid to rest in a wooden octagon.
  • Congratulations to Tom Cable, as the SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE reports that the Oakland Raiders will be removing the “interim” label from his title and making him their permanent head coach. On the other hand, condolences to Tom Cable for becoming the Oakland Raiders’ permanent head coach.
  • More economic cutbacks in NASCAR, as the CHARLOTTE OBSERVER notes that new rules to cut back on costs have been instituted in the Truck Series for 2009. The most shocking? All trucks will be replaced by 1974 El Caminos.
  • Usually a 61-52 loss would be cause for concern, but it’s pretty understandable when the team on the losing end is North Carolina State and it’s their first game since the death of their legendary coach Kay Yow. The WINSTON-SALEM JOURNAL has details of their painful first game back.
  • Really, Bobby Estalella is the smoking gun in the Feds’ case against Barry Bonds? ESPN.COM has the latest information, although I’m shocked that Jeff Kent hasn’t volunteered to bury Barry yet.
  • How often is the marquee men’s college basketball game of the night in the West Coast Conference? Gonzaga stops St. Mary’s 15-game winning streak by handing the Gaels a 69-62 defeat.
  • More legal woes for Lenny Dykstra: TMZ reports that he’s being sued by four pilots who say Nails stiffed them for flying his private plane.
  • SOCCER AMERICA says that the San Jose Earthquakes are set to make millions from their latest sponsorship deal: they’ll be wearing the Amway logo on their jerseys. The downside is that their players will be going door-to-door selling household products.

What will be NASCAR’s next cost-saving move?

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If Anyone Knows How To Get Dirty, It’s Umenyiora

Osi Umenyiora knows dirty when he sees it.

Osi Umenyiora With Strippers

No, we’re not talking about the photo. Or his previously detailed (alleged) sexual exploits.

Umenyiora, much like Chargers center Nick Hardwick last Sunday, said the Patriots play dirty. In the case of Umenyiora, he was referring to Pats left tackle Matt Light. Read more…

SD Charger: Pats’ Seymour Is “Dirty, Cheap !&@*”

After the Patriots slowly strangled the Chargers today, the BOSTON HERALD’s John Tomase had this postgame reax from San Diego Chargers center Nick Hardwick, on Patriots defensive end Richard Seymour: There are 10 (bleeping) good players on that team. But Richard Seymour is a dirty, cheap, little pompous (expletive).

Nick Hardwick Richard Seymour

He’s cheap and dirty and the head man just let him get away with it the whole time. They’ve got 10 great players on that team and when Jarvis Green comes on the field, they’ve got 11 great players who compete how you’re supposed to play. But Richard Seymour is the biggest (expletive) I’ve ever played.

Head slapping, foot stomping in the pile, running by and throwing punches in your back. He’s a (expletive). … There were a lot of things he did. There’s a field goal where he was stomping feet. Who stomps feet? And the officials weren’t doing anything about it. He plays like a punk.

We’re guessing Mr. Hardwick probably would have had a different choice of words (if any at all) if he’d had some time to cool off after the game. Or if the Bolts had won.

We also imagine CBS execs probably felt similarly about Dan Marino after his cell phone went off three times during the halftime show.