If Danica & Ashley show up in “Speed Racer 2“, then we might go see it.

• A well-meaning “Melons” waitress helps clear the confusion about Roger Clemens mackin’ on a 15-year-old Mindy McCready.

• Ex-KC Chiefs kicker Nick Lowery is getting ready to marry to a major MILF - annnnnd it’s good!

• Having Richard Jefferson show up for a birthday celebration gets a party host all choked up.

• Kenny Mayne’s got a book out. Someday we may read it.

• John Wooden. Vin Scully. One night. One stage. Be there.

Read more…

An unannounced appearance by Richard Jefferson at a private hotel party got the birthday boy all choked up - but not in a good way.

The MINNEAPOLIS STAR TRIBUNE reports that assault charges have been filed against the New Jersey Net for attacking a man at a Minneapolis hotel last January. The charges claim that Jefferson choked the man until he briefly lost consciousness. Read more…

JONES SODA SCORES DRINK DEAL WITH NEW NETS ARENA: Coke isn’t it.

Pepsi’s not the one.

In the never-ending battle to quench sports fans’ thirst, score one for the little guys again:

The PUGET SOUND BUSINESS JOURNAL guzzles news that Jones Soda will be the exclusive soft drink supplier for the New Jersey Nets’ new arena.Sources say the Seattle-based beverage maker has signed a seven-year deal to provide refreshment for the Barclays Center, which is scheduled to open in Brooklyn in 2009.

It’s the second sports coup for the small drinks company, as Jones bubbled above Coke & Pepsi in winning the pouring rights to Seahawks Stadium.As the soda slingers have already put together a package honoring their hometown NFL team, we wonder what new beverages will be in store for Nets’ minders.

Vince Carter Cola? Richard Jefferson Juice? Jason Kidd Kreamed Soda?

• AOL FANHOUSE gets beaned by news that Rick Sutcliffe wanted to kill Reggie Jackson:

• The season hasn’t started yet but Scott Wolf of the L.A. DAILY NEWS has USC Coach Pete Carroll already transferring blame.

• MAIZE ‘N’ BREW says you might as well call him Had Henne, as the Michigan QB will be missing a ‘C’ this season.

• Venus & Serena are quite animated, as EURWEB reports the Williams sisters will be appearing on a Cartoon Network special.

• SONS OF SAM MALONE crap out with their lucky 7 athletes who blew it all:

• PART MULE needs some protection in witnessing the penatlies faced on this Japanese game show.

• The BUFFALO NEWS gives a toast in tracking down the elusive beer vendor the Earl of Bud.

• The CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER barks out news that the Browns are planning to clean up the Dawg Pound this season:

• SLAM ONLINE cashes in on news that Agent Zero isn’t too impressed with Richard Jefferson’s donation to the University of Arizona.

• Speaking of money matters, RUMORS AND RANTS wants Nike bigwig Phil Knight to hand over some hundreds to the Hoosier boys & girls.

• The TORONTO STAR reports on the nightly TV tug-o-war between Oakland A’s GM Billy Beane and his wife: “She wants to watch the baseball highlights on (ESPN’s) SportsCenter. I want to watch Fox Soccer Channel.”

• WINNING THE TURNOVER BATTLE closes the door, as they feel a bad draft from ESPN’s fantasy football show.

SPORTS ILLUSTRATED invites some schlep from the ASSOCIATED PRESS to one of its Athens parties so the journo will pimp the proceedings.

The AP’s Christy Lemire writes that SI officials had "promised that the magazine’s series of soirees would grow increasingly wild and star-studded throughout the Olympics, and they didn’t lie."

Ian Thorpe, Michael Phelps, Carly Patterson, members of the U.S. softball team and Richard Jefferson attended Wednesday’s event at a local lounge. And most importantly, cheerleaders from beach volleyball events were also imported.

*Shockingly*, the print media reporter focused a good part of her party coverage on the free food. Excerpt: "(There was a) mind-boggling array of food, just like the last SI party."

The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS reports Richard Jefferson celebrated his birthday at Suede in NYC "by popping 40 bottles of Cristal with N’ Sync’s Joey Fatone, Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins, Miss USA Shandi Finnessey, and soccer stars Clint Mathis and Cobi Jones."

But most importantly, "Laker Luke Walton shouted out birthday wishes from the deejay booth."

The NEW YORK POST’s Page Six spots the Nets’ Richard Jefferson, "after losing in a blow-out, partying with Lakers Gary Payton and Derek Fisher at Flow with Mo Vaughn and Luke Walton (Jefferson’s best friend and son of Hall of Famer Bill Walton)."

Hello hangover.