My grandmother gave me one piece of advice before she died. She said, “don’t trust a boxer or a rapper when they say they’re retiring.” Well, grammy, you were right again. Floyd Mayweather Jr. announced his comeback, just a year after his “retirement.”

Money Mayweather, always the shrewd businessman, honed in on the one weekend people are paying attention to boxing to hold his press conference. He claims he’s returning to reclaim his throne, but the real reason is a little less romantic.

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In the pantheon of purely iconic boxers, few have the media presence that Oscar de la Hoya has. His boyish grin commands a camera’s attention, even as he’s spent the last 20 years beating up other comically small welterweight and middleweight fighters. But he got rocked by Manny Pacquiao in his most recent fight, and he’s lost four of his last seven fights. For boxers, after all, 36 is pretty old.

(This, for example, is something he should not want to ever do again.)

So when he announced recently that he’s got a press conference set up for Tuesday to discuss his future, as FANHOUSE reports, it seems pretty obvious that he’s hanging up the gloves for good. If so, his career record will be 39-6 with 30 KOs. More importantly, he’ll have held 12 different belts. Least importantly but most hilariously, he dressed like a female prostitute. But we digress. In his prime, he was the best pound-for-pound fighter in boxing. More recently, though, he’s just been average. Read more…

Every former heavyweight champ has to go into some sort of business venture post-retirement, whether high-profile (George Foreman) or the usual restaurant or office building owner. (Some might even say a forced retirement and a business opportunity would be optimal for say, Evander Holyfield.) Former champ Larry Holmes is taking that opportunity, by signing autographs and playing video games with kids at a Circuit City opening in Naples, Florida.

The NAPLES DAILY NEWS was there to cover the opening, and while pushing the game “Don King Presents: Prizefighter” (first 100 copies sold come with your own salt-and-pepper King wig), Holmes lamented the state of the heavyweight division and the state of its former champions.

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LLOYD CARR READY TO RETIRE AFTER OHIO ST. LOSS GAME: Looks like Lloyd Carr is driving off into the sunset:

M GO BLOG learns that the Michigan coach is set to retire at the end of the season. Folks in the athletic department have apparently been told about his decision.The official announcement will likely come after the Ohio State game, probably at the Monday press conference, or a day or two afterwards.

Jon Wilner of the SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS weighs in on the possible departure of the Wolverines coach, and what it means to Buckeyes fans. Wilner refers to the coach as “Llloyd,” explaining “Yep, with three ‘L’s.”

And EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SATURDAY takes a nostalgic look at the Carr soon to motor off the Maize & Blue lot.

But he’ll be missed most of all by the fine folks over at Appalachian State, who have Llloyd to thank for thrusting their small school into the national spotlight.

FROM THE BATHROOM STALL AT HINGIS RETIREMENT PARTY: You probably just hit your favorite conglomo sports media site and read the hed that has now-retired Martina Hingis admitting she tested positive for cocaine at Wimbledon:

But how many folks do you think will only see the headline and never read on in the story, where Hingis denies she ever took the drug?

ROCKET LIGHTER FLUID GOES FROM MOUND TO BACKYARD?: The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS reports that the wife of Roger Clemens is ready to permanently ground The Rocket.

While Clemens yesterday “was noncommittal when asked if he would play next season,” his wife - not so much. Debbie Clemens to KRIV-TV in Houston: “I think he’s ready to do the barbecue and come home.”I think it will be hard for him to play a little bit. He’s been such a workaholic and he’s really put his heart and soul into baseball. But I just think it’s time.”

Screw Roger, we think it’s time for another photo shoot of Debbie (sans her fake workout partner).