Longhorns Encouraged Not To Miss Postgame No

Headline from University of Texas student newspaper the DAILY TEXAN the day before the OU-Texas game in Dallas on Saturday:

Daily Texas Headline Predicts Sexual Assaults During OU-Texas Weekend

Student reporter Aziza Musa notes in the predictive piece that with the rise in sexual assault reports following the OU-Texas football game involving Texas students “the past nine years, the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center staff are again bracing for a jump in reports from this weekend.

Why the spike? Read more…

Michigan, Illinois, and OU Are Your Early Losers

We had a decent slate of early games today, with most ranked teams waiting until the late afternoon and evening games to play. But those who slept in missed plenty.

Colt McAwesome

(Why “Hook ‘em, Horns”? Why not “Gore them” or “Mutilate them”?)

The dominant story, of course, is Oklahoma’s defensive collapse in the Red River Shootout, relinquishing their top ranking after falling to Texas, 45-35. OU was up 14-3 early and still led 28-20 in the third quarter, but Texas scored the last 15 points while Sam Bradford imploded for the Sooners.

And the hilarity didn’t stop in Dallas.

Read more…

Speed Read: Multicolored Sox Prevent Prohibition

If you’re looking for beer, its quantities are not limited but its availability is going away fast. The Milwaukee Brewers are out of the playoffs, eliminating all teams with alcoholic-related mascots from the playoffs. Chicago Cubs fans’ privileges to drink after the 7th inning of games is gone because, well, there are no more 7th innings on the North Side. But there’s hope.

Prohibition Headline - Brewers Out

The White Sox are still enjoying that liquor ban reprieve of their own by besting the Rays, 6-4. (There was a planned blackout at U.S. Cellular Field, which is safer than your typical drunkard’s unplanned blackout.) The Red Sox, meanwhile, supported leaving people loaded by doing just that with the bases in the crucial 10th inning, before the Angels’ Francisco Rodriguez saved the day (and his own butt) by pitching out of a jam. And even though the Halos extended the series to a Game Four with a 5-4 win, that just means more spirits per inning for the Bay State.

So all is well. No need for mafias, moonshine stills or speakeasies. Unless, y’know, you’re into that.

Keith Bulluck flips 5-0 signals

(Yay, Tennessee Titans! You guys are … 0-5? Oh, wait, Keith Bulluck. You got that backwards.)

Keith Bulluck corrected 5-0 sign

(There. Proving once again there’s nothing Flip Horizontal can’t fix.)

Time for a monstrously-gargantuan obscure parallel, if I may. The two remaining unbeaten teams in the NFL are also monsters which appear in Exodus: Ultima after you reach Level 3: the Giants and the Titans. (Maybe if Buffalo was called the Golems instead of the Bills, they wouldn’t have gotten Cardinalized.)

Home to both the Titans and the Commodores of Vanderbilt, the city of Nashville could feature more unlikely 5-0 football teams than anywhere. Ever. But enough about surprising unbeatens. How about some unsurprising beatens?

Dejected Lions fan

(Wearing this was the only way they let Joey Harrington back in Ford Field.)

Quietly having an MVP season at quarterback in the NFL is the amalgamation of every quarterback who faces the Detroit Lions. On most days, years, and alternate universes Matt Ryan, Aaron Rodgers, J.T. O’Sullivan, and Kyle Orton are not the kind of signal callers who will set the league on fire. The four QBs have a combined rating of 121.51 — 10 points higher than Favre’s league-leading 110.8. The Rams might also have similarly pathetic numbers, but three of their oppositions’ throwers? Eli. McNabb. And Hasselbeck. It’s not a good sign when the Rams can look to the Lions and find reasons to feel good about themselves.

What makes us feel good about ourselves, strangely, is seeing what other people are doing by peckin’ away at their keyboards and hitting publish:

George Mason - Ace Ventura

  • Good thing they didn’t need Ace Ventura on the case, namely because we don’t need more sequels: BLEACHER REPORT gets to the bottom of stolen George Mason Final Four rings on eBay. Here’s a hint to aspiring burglars: don’t steal rings with someone’s name on it, then publicize it. From “pawned” to “pwn3d.”
  • For the sympathetic co-worker of a fervent Cubs fan, EPIC CARNIVAL has ten phrases you should avoid around them.
  • UNC Tar Heels fans at THE FIFTH CORNER take umbrage with ESPN.com’s Heather Dinich’s explanation on why the 22nd-ranked Heels aren’t rankworthy.
  • Almost perfect timing, TIMES OF TRENTON’s Mark Eckel notes in Philly celebrating the Phils and jeering the Eagles.
  • Michael Phelps — remember him? — comes home to Baltimore and is greeted by a parade of thousands, and WBOC-TV is there. Which just begs the question: it took Phelps this long to go back home to Baltimore?
  • Let the Oklahoma-Texas hype begin … now. The NORMAN TRANSCRIPT examines the Sooners-Longhorns matchup in the Red River Not-Shootout-But-Instead-Rivalry-Because-Guns-Are-Bad.
  • CC you next year? Sabathia tells the WISCONSIN STATE JOURNAL he could possibly return to Milwaukee in ‘09.
  • NEW YORK TIMES baseball blogger Ray Schreiber says maybe it’s time for the Cubs franchise to embrace Steve Bartman. Spoken like a true non-Cubs fan.
  • After a crazy day at Talladega Speedway, VIRGINIAN-PILOT’s auto racing writer Dustin Long goes into why Regan Smith thought he beat Tony Stewart, and why NASCAR said Stewart won even though he finished second.
  • And finally, whatever you do, gentle readers, whatever your homerist tendencies, wherever you may roam, please do not root for a Red Sox-Dodgers World Series. The unimaginable storyline of Manny Ramirez is just too much to bear. It would make “Jerome Bettis is from Detroit” look like “Can the Spurs defend their title?” Just … just root away from that, by all means necessary. And good morning!

After this weekend, who needs a drink in the worst way?

View Results

Red River Rivalry Running Out On Cotton Bowl?

The Dallas Cowboys’ new $1 billion stadium promises to be the “Taj Mahal” of football facilities. And such a grand structure could soon become the host of another great gridiron contest - the Oklahoma-Texas game.

Oklahoma Texas football

John Klein of the TULSA WORLD writes about the possibility of the Red River Shootout Rivalry soon moving out of the Cotton Bowl and into the state-of-the-art stadium in Arlington. And they wouldn’t be the first college teams to be penciled in on the new Stadium’s schedule. Read more…

Texas Brewery Serving Up Oklahoma Suks Beer

LONGHORN FANS STOCK UP ON SOONER-SCATHING SUDS: Nothing like a heated football rivalry to bring out the best in entrerpeneurial spirit:

Oklahoma Suks Beer

KSNW in Wichita, Kansas orders up news about a Texas brewery serving up special suds - and just in time for the Red River Shootout.

Austin’s Independence Brewing Company is re-launching its Oklahoma Suks beer, to coincide with the OU-UT clash this weekend in Dallas. This is the second year the brewery has rolled out the barrels of the limited-edition alcohol.

The brews feature a burnt orange label - same color as the Longhorns - and an upside down outline of the Sooner State.

At $2.25 a bottle, the beer is a little on the expensive side. But the company says they’ve already sold five times the amount they did last year.

Texas Longhorns girls

But how flavorful is the brew? A local liquor store manager offers his insights: “If we can pull the game off Saturday and get a win, the beer tastes better.”