If the 1980s taught us anything, it’s that all is fair in love & war, and business = war. Shaquille O’Neal must have been paying attention when he was growing up. Did you watch the first episode of the new reality show “Shaq Vs.,” in which O’Neal is pitted against different sports celebrities in their own games? At least one person — Steve Nash — thought that show looked very familiar.

That’s because it was Nash’s idea, and Shaq stole it.

If you watched the credits following Tuesday’s debut episode (and I pity you if you’re that deathly bored), you may have noticed that Nash is listed as an executive producer. That’s what you get — plus a bundle of cash, I presume — when you mention your idea for a new reality show to a friend, and that friend “borrows” the idea and makes his own show. Come on, Shaq!

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Oh, China, how fast you’ve grown. Just think, it was a mere twenty years ago that you were openly and ham-handedly crushing dissent by massacring students in Tianamen Square. Now, look at you. Your most popular car is Buick, your favorite pastime is watching reality TV, and you own most of the American economy. You’re just like us - well, except for that Buick thing. None of us would be caught dead in one.

With well over a billion people just waking up to the joys of consumer culture, it’s no surprise that American companies and sports leagues are angling for a piece of the action. The NBA has been promoting basketball in China for over a decade, and basketball is serious business over there. Brands like Nike and adidas are ubiquitous on billboards and in stores. Now the NFL has done the math and, with dollar yuan signs in their eyes, have turned their attention to the Chinese markets in true American fashion - with a reality show!

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Kimbo Slice went from Lord of the YouTubes to MMA’s first potential mainstream attraction, until a flamboyant, pink-haired little fighter showed that the emperor had no clothes. So complete was his collapse that EliteXC was pulled into his wake and sank.

But no fighter quits after one loss, and Slice wants to work his way back to the top. In the sport right now, that’s UFC. But given UFC President Dana White’s outspoken stance on Slice, he’s not exactly welcome there. So he’s going to literally have to work his way up from the bottom. So Slice is going on a reality show to earn a spot in UFC.

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Does anyone out there watch Survivor? (I have a no-crappy-TV rule in my apartment.) Do you know Benjamin? He’s the one with the weird Hebrew tattoo. Is he as much of a douchebag on the show as he apparently is in real life?

Ben Wade skipped out on his job as Southwest Baptist University women’s soccer head coach in mid-season to go film the show - without telling the school about it. When he got back, the school deservedly greeted him with a pink slip. Enjoy the schadenfreude, after the jump.

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U of Illinois head football coach Ron Zook is an absolutely dogged recruiter and coming off a top season for the program, complete with Rose Bowl appearance as the sacrificial lamb to USC and Pete Carroll.

So, what is he doing for a follow-up with this new-found attention on what used to be a floundering program? He and his football team will be part of a season of reality TV on the BIG TEN NETWORK.

The CHICAGO TRIBUNE’s Teddy Greenstein says “Illinois Football: The Journey” will be a 10-13 episode series airing on the conference’s cable channel, which has had some difficulty getting off the ground and into homes.

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• GIRLS GONE SPORTS won’t stop believing Tony Romo has talent, as the Cowboys QB hits the stage with Jessica & some metal band:

• FOOD COURT LUNCH learns of a former CFL player found shot to death - and surprisingly it’s not Lawrence Phillips.

• WITH LEATHER is going to stay off the bikes for a while.

• MJD of YAHOO SPORTS bowls a few mini-frames with Matt Leinart.

• SPORTS ILLUSTRATED rolls out a casting call for “Super Bowl XLII: The Movie“:

Starring Haley Joel Osment as Eli Manning.

• Darren Rovell of CNBC has one bet the Super Bowl oddsmakers forgot to put on the board - Will Bill Belichick wear his hoodie?

• Speaking of Vegas, THE SCORES REPORT thanks God - at 5-to-2 odds.

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CELEBS BEAT EACH OTHER UP FOR CUBAN’S FUN & PROFIT: Mark Cuban promises his performance on “Dancing With The Stars” won’t be his final foray into reality TV. And them’s fightin’ words:

The NEW YORK POST reports that the Mavericks owner is working to put together a mixed-martial-arts series where “celebs beat the heck out of each other.”Sort of a “Surreal UFC Life.”

Cuban says he’s in development talks with Mario Lopez to help make his dream a reality. And it would be a good way for Mark to vent his frustrations from his ‘Dancing’ drop.

Of course, everyone’s favorite main event would be Cuban facing The Donald in the caged circle. And Mark has already played the first Trump card:

“Donald always picks on people, and a lot of them aren’t in a position to stand up to him….When I stand up to him, I am standing up for all the people who are afraid to. He’s all show and no go.”Trump will fire back, as soon as he’s done dissing the Miami Hurricanes.