Rampage Opts For ‘A-Team’ Movie Over UFC 107?

I want to be a fan of Mixed Martial Arts, I really do. But every time they just about have me won over, something like this pops up to remind me that it may not be totally ready for prime time. How am I supposed to take a sport seriously whose biggest controversy is whether or not Quinton Rampage Jackson is going to star in “The A-Team”?

Rampage Jackson, Rashad Evans

Jackson, of course, was supposed to meet Rashad Evans at the UFC 107 main event on Dec. 12 — infamous foreshadowing in the photo above and video below. But Rampage has been scrapped from the card because, according to UFC president Dana White, he has a feature role in the new A-Team movie. Read more…

Should Brock Lesnar Be The Face Of MMA Or Not?

UFC 100 is coming up, and with it, a mea culpa. I didn’t give MMA its due. I thought it was a fad. But the premier promotion is up to their 100th event with no signs of slowing, and I have to admit that at this point in time, MMA is healthier than boxing.

Brock Lesnar MMA

So, as someone less than immersed in the scene, I have to wonder if MMA fans aren’t disappointed in the main event for what’s being billed as UFC’s “biggest event ever.” Brock Lesnar, he of three career UFC bouts and a background in fake fighting, is your UFC heavyweight champion and main event headliner. Does this piss on everything MMA’s worked so hard to become?
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Famous Last Words: ‘Brock Lesnar Can’t Beat Me’

If you don’t know Frank Mir, it’s a good time to get acquainted, because the next time you see him he may be a soggy puddle of humanity slowly spreading across the canvas. That’s because Mir, so far the only MMA fighter to beat Brock Lesnar, is in line for a rematch; and he’s riling up the beast.

Brock Lesnar and Frank Mir

(Yes, this is a picture of Lesnar beating the crap out of a man who says he’s not afraid of Lesnar.)

“Brock Lesnar will never be able to beat me because he has no submission skills,” Mir told FANHOUSE. This is the equivalent of coming across a bear in the woods and, instead of pissing your pants like a normal human being, putting on a vest made of salmon and urinating in the bear’s face.

And to clarify, Lesnar has won a fight by submission. According to the official results, he won the submission by repeatedly pounding his opponent in the face until the opponent gave up. I wonder if Mir’s already thinking about claiming he was misquoted…

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Forget Couture - MMA Now Has A Real Superhero

Last weekend’s MMA fight between Randy Couture and Brock Lesnar was pitted as a bout between good and evil, with Couture playing the role of G.I. Joe and Lesnar aptly playing the villain (hey, it’s easy to be a villain when you have a penis tattoo). The whole metaphor collapsed meekly when Lesnar dropped Couture because hey, who really wants to root for a villain? Or who wants to root for a villain outside of the Bronx? Well, now MMA has a real hero, as Croatian UFC star Goran Reljic woke up to a car crash and immediately saved the lives of two men who had crashed into icy water.

goranreljic

(Goran Reljic: Undefeated lifesaver)

Yup, it’s a true story, as first reported in FANHOUSE via a translation of Croatian newspaper SLOBODNA DALMACIJA. It turns out that Reljic was in bed when the crash occurred, jumped out of his seaside home — while still wearing his underwear, mind you — and swam to the car, where he broke the car’s passenger window with a punch and pulled the driver and swam to safety.

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Speed Read: Ball State Still Perfect, Still Screwed

It’s official: Ball State is the real deal. At least, as real as a win against a team called the Chippewas can make a team, but still: going on the road to take out a tough opponent like Central Michigan is tough. But the Cardinals pulled it off, winning 31-24 behind 177 yards rushing from Quale Lewis, keeping them perfect at 11-0 and keeping them on track for…the Motor City Bowl.

Ball State after defeating Central Michigan

Because no matter if the Cardinals win out, they aren’t getting an automatic BCS berth ahead of Utah, Boise State and BYU. And even if, say, Boise State loses a game, and USC wins the PAC-10 outright, freeing up another at-large spot, the choice for a BCS bowl would likely come down to a non-BCS school or Ohio State, and guess who wins that battle? (Unless the Buckeyes get upset by Michigan this weekend. Please stop laughing now.)

So yeah, another reason to hate Ohio State - not only did they ruin the last two BCS Title games, but now they are ruining things for Ball State. I know that Hawaii totally tanked last year against Georgia, but come on - wouldn’t you rather see Ball State in the Sugar Bowl against, say, Alabama than Ohio State?

Speaking of Cardinals…just as Arizona fans were starting to enjoy their team’s prosperity and start thinking about home playoff games, here comes a giant mess down the I-10. In this case, the ARIZONA REPUBLIC reports that it’s disgruntled running back Edgerrin James, who apparently wants to be released but the team won’t let him go. His agent Drew Rosenhaus maintains that he won’t be a distraction.

Edgerrin James

Since this is Drew Rosenhaus saying this, let me translate for you, Cardinals fans: this is going to be a massive, season-crushing distraction. Glad I could help. I still don’t know what team would be interested in a running back who is an old, beat-up 30 but plays about 40. Unless the Detroit Lions are in the market.

Finally, let’s transition from the unethical oiliness of Drew Rosenhaus (when a character based on you is so loathsome and unlikable that they need Jay Mohr to play you, that’s not a good mark on your character) to someone on the moral high ground: golfer J.P. Hayes. You might have heard that he DQed himself from PGA Tour Qualifying School after realizing that he had accidentally used a prototype ball during a round.

That’s pretty impressive moral fiber - it’s better than how I felt when I found someone’s wallet and resisted the urge to use their Shell gas card to by smokes even though I was broke and totally need some.

ESPN.COM’s Jason Sobel speculates that Hayes’ good sportsmanship could bring some good karma, as tournament sponsors will likely be lining up to offer the two-time Tour winner exemptions into their tournaments.

Other sports miscellanea from overnight:

  • KTRK-TV passes along word that those Texas cheerleaders who are accused of using feces to haze the JV squad have been indicted and are facing trial. Looks like something’s really hit the fan for them.
  • Morton Ranch High School cheerleaders

  • Top Rank boxing promoter Todd duBoef rips the ending to the Randy Couture vs. Brock Lesnar UFC Heavyweight Title fight, telling the LOS ANGELES TIMES that it looked “nothing more than a tough man contest” and that there is “no way it’s safer than boxing.” UFC President Dana White responds by telling the MMA EXPERTS BLOG that Top Rank chief Bob Arum is “95 years old and senile.” Let’s give this round to White, 10-8.
  • How does Mike Mussina plan on celebrating his first-ever 20-win season? Ken Rosenthal of FOX says he’ll do so by retiring.
  • Want tickets to the big Utah vs. BYU game? How about coughing up $1,600 each, asks the DESERET NEWS? I guess when you don’t drink, your have to spend the beer money somewhere.
  • The HOUSTON CHRONICLE says that Donald Driver’s father is in critical condition, two days after he was allegedly beaten by cops arresting him on outstanding traffic warrants. A family spokesman says one of the cops may have gone to school with the Packers’ WR and held a grudge.
  • The U.S. breezes past Guatemala 2-0 to finish up the semifinal round of World Cup qualifying. But as GOAL.COM notes, the big story is that Freddy Adu (is he really still only 19?) scored his first goal for the National Team during the match on a rather impressive free kick:
  • Toronto probably aren’t getting the Bills any time soon - in fact, FOOD COURT LUNCH thinks the NFL is going to London before Toronto. So they’ve provided their Canadian brethren with a handy British lingo guide.
  • What do you have in common with the NFL? You both probably want 49ers coordinator Mike Martz to shut up: CBS SPORTSLINE says he was fined $20,000 by the league for whining about a “quick spot” of the ball on the team’s final play against the Cardinals a few weeks ago.
  • The CHARLESTON CITY PAPER notes that four Charleston Southern football players are charged with allegedly robbing a couple at gunpoint for a whopping $35.
  • The TENNESSEAN reports that eight players from a Knoxville high school football team were arrested in a shoplifting ring that involved $9,000 in stolen merchandise, putting their status for their playoff game this week in doubt. Do you think?

Which rivalry game are you most interested in watching this week?

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Lesnar Beats Down Tiny Humans, Claims UFC Title

Brock Lesnar, who can only travel in specially zoned areas designated safe for heavy transport, ex-communicated Randy Couture’s senses from his body in less than 10 minutes last night to claim the UFC heavyweight crown in UFC 91.  (Unfortunately, Lesnar will have to wear the crown as a pinky ring.)

Brock Lesnar

(Video of the fight can be found at SPORTAPHILE and at Godzilla film festivals worldwide)

Couture may have shown far more fighting prowess in his career, but Lesnar took one look at his attacker and provided a cinematic solution, catching Couture with what Couture himself called “bigass hamhocks” and pounding his tiny human-sized head into the canvas.  (Actually, we suspect the ring mat had to be made of ShamWows to soak up all the blood and smaller body parts.)

The ring will now be returned to its former home as the foundation for the Freedom Tower in lower Manhattan since it is done having to support the weight of a violently-moving Brock Lesnar.  Lesnar could not be reached for comment after the fight due to “a blue ox illness in the family”.

(You see, Brock Lesnar is big.)

Suns, Rockets Getting Down & Dirty In The Desert

Barnes belts Rafer. Nash dashes in. Shaq shoves everyone. Things have certainly heated up between the Suns & Rockets.

Phoenix Suns Houston Rockets fight

• Maybe London isn’t so crazy about hosting the Olympics, after all.

• NASCAR honcho Bruton Smith could use some spare change - about a billion dollars’ worth.

Courtney Bryan: from NFL rosters to Arby’s roast beef.

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Randy Couture’s Wife Takes Out Restraining Order

45-year-old Randy Couture may have the fight of his life coming up against Brock Lesnar, but for the MMA mogul, the problems don’t end at the octagon. In addition to his recently settled lawsuit with the UFC, Couture is now facing legal action from a New York-area company that hosted a party of his, and now his wife has just taken out a restraining order on business partner Todd Beard.

Kim Couture
(Funny, I thought “restraining” and “order” were the names of her two fists.)

The LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL has the deets: Read more…

Randy Couture’s Wife Gets Bashed And Bloodied

Kim Couture, the wife of martial arts superstar Randy Couture, had her first pro fight in the octagon last weekend.

kim Couture mixed martial arts

The 33-year-old Couture squared off against Kim Rose, also making her pro debut. The fight was so ridiculously one-sided that some are suggesting that the fight might have set the sport’s perception back to its early days - when MMA was near the edge of being banned in every state. Read more…

Former UFC Champ Randy Couture To Speak To Green Bay Packers Before December 8 Game

FORMER UFC CHAMP COUTURE TAGGED TO PEP UP PACKERS: Randy Couture has been keeping himself busy since his ultimate flight from ultimate fighting.

Randy Couture Best Damn Show Vegas

The former six-time UFC champ has finally gotten around to selling his special-edition Hummer. And now MMA MANIA reports that Couture is feeling Randy enough to give the Packers a pep talk.Couture is scheduled to speak to Brett Favre & friends on December 8, the day before Green Bay hits the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field against the Oakland Raiders.

Brett Favre Packers Josh McCown Raiders

Considering that the Pack is currently 8-1 and the Silver & Black is 2-7, maybe Randy should be trying to motivate the other sideline, instead.