Cubs’ Futility Leads Fans To Prank The Newspaper

Not that you need a reminder, but the Cubs… they’re not very good this year, you know? They’re barely treading water over .500 while the Cardinals are running away with the division. Their payroll’s huge, but largely wasted on a comically underproductive outfield. Tell a Cubs fan “four more years of Alfonso Soriano,” and… well, he’ll probably cry.

Waitle Nex Yeare
(Hang on, you expect us to believe that’s a newborn? I’ve seen a lot of newborns, and that kid’s at LEAST six months old! Shenanigaaaaaans!)

Recall that Chicago fans usually have no qualms expressing their team pride in overtly racist or juvenile ways when times are going well. In the lean years, though, that’s when the self-loathing humor comes out to play. And since no team’s more synonymous with “Wait ’til next year” than the Cubs, well, why not name a baby that?

Read more…

UM Curriculum Soon To Include Handwriting Class

EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SATURDAY, fine purveyor of Joe Tiller look-alike photos, has another fun college football recruiting story somewhat from the Kevin Hart file.

Bitches Don't Know Bout My Diabetus

(Tiller look-alikes are dope)

EDSBS points us to a COLUMBUS DISPATCH report that letters were sent to Ohio State football recruit Willie Mobley before signing day falsely claiming that the school was withdrawing its scholarship offer to him.

Willie Mobley Letters

C-D: “He received two letters, on Ohio State letterhead and postmarked Columbus, allegedly signed by coach Jim Tressel. The first one showed up in early January, and the second one Wednesday. Read more…

*Duped* NV High School Recruit: “I Made It All Up”

Remember our first post yesterday about the weird story of Nevada high school football recruit Kevin Hart? When we suggested (in the headline, no less) that he may have made up the story of how he was scammed?

Kevin Hart Fernley High School Made Up Recruitment Himself

(What we posted yesterday)

Turns out we were exactly right. Read more…

Teleconference Trifecta Hits Big, Thanks To Pack

In the past couple weeks, we’ve had the Big East coaches’ media teleconference pranked. The SEC women’s coaches teleconference pranked, and now the MILWAUKEE JOURNAL-SENTINEL reports on somehow even more slap-happy teleconference fun.

Green Bay Packers Cell Phone

During a call to announce a new five-year contract for Packers coach Mike McCarthy yesterday, “the coach’s conference call with Wisconsin reporters was interrupted for about 20 seconds when a TV reporter mistakenly piped in audio from an episode of the courtroom show “Judge Judy.” A woman’s voice, describing a road-rage incident, twice could be heard saying “he gave us the finger” before the audio cut out.

McCarthy, who was on the line from the Pro Bowl, said (as reporters laughed), “Well, hey, use all of her quotes — they’re a lot better than mine.

The Green Bay coach might as well be serious, since that would describe the reaction of NFL players when asked if they would attend the Pro Bowl this year.

Topps New Card Shows Rudy Enjoying Joy Of Sox

WBZ-TV in Boston has a report that shows the venerable Topps baseball card company knows its way around the public relations block.

Rudy Giuliani Red Sox

To drum up publicity for the company’s new MLB baseball card set, a card showing former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani celebrating the Red Sox World Series victory will be included in the set. Giuliani (in)famously claimed he rooted for the Red Sox will campaigning for president last year in New Hampshire.

The now-failed presidential candidate was photoshopped by Topps into an image of Boston’s on-field celebration after defeating the Rockies in the 2007 fall classic. The front and back of the card are after the jump.

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*Recruiter* May Have Bilked $$$ From Nevada Kid

Kevin Hart is the poor high school football player in Nevada who thought he’d been offered a football scholarship to Cal, only to realize the his recruitment was a complete fraud.

Kevin Hart Fernley High School

Yesterday it was reported that the police were looking into the matter, which made us think there might be more to the story.

Turns out we were right.

Read more…

Hart Himself Couldn’t Have Pulled This Off, Right?

The WIZARD OF ODDS scares out the strange story of the *recruitment* of Nevada high school lineman Kevin Hart. Last Friday, Hart announced at Fernley High School that he had accepted a scholarship to play football at Cal.

Kevin Hart Fernley High School

Hart: “They really sold me. Coach [Jeff] Tedford and I talked a lot, and the fact that the head coach did most of the recruiting of me kind of gave me the real personal experience.”

One small problem though. Cal hadn’t offered Fernley a full ride. In fact, Golden Bears coach Jeff Tedford wouldn’t know Hart if he delivered a pizza to his house. Read more…