It Hurts Greg Oden To Be Hurt; USA A-OK In WBC

Greg Oden is on the shelf again with another injury, but what pains the Portland Blazers star more is the grief he’s getting from the fans.

greg oden depressed

• The Americans make it to the second round of the WBC. U-S-A! U-S-A!

• Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich ran out from the ruined Russian economy just in time.

Amos Zereoue: From Steelers RB to Manhattan bistro runner.

• Which video clip is cooler - a UFC fighter dropping an f-bomb, or a soccer fan having pseudo-sex with a sports reporter?

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Speed Read: Curry Wanted Gay Sex From Driver?

The best part about this headline, in truth, is that it’s not even the first time we’ve been able to connect Eddy Curry with a preposterous legal suit in the past month. Remember this? Still, as bad as a two-year-old Big & Tall clothing bill is, this takes the cake: According to this story in the NEW YORK POST, the oft-injured and always overpaid Knicks center is accused of trying to solicit gay sex from his chauffeur, whom he also made touch his penis, clean up towels he had ejaculated into and whom he called a, “f**king Jew”, “white slave”, “white devil”, and “grandmaster of the KKK”. Oh, and when the driver complained, Curry pointed a loaded gun at him and threatened to kill him if he spoke.

Eddy Curry hidden in towel
(Nothing is coming up Eddy anymore. That’s for sure.)

Yes, folks, that’s about as good a story lede as you can get. Just imagine the eyes on the reporter who tripped across this court filing. “Oh, look, a Knicks benchwarmer is getting sued. Hmm, wait a minute! Gay sex! Racial epithets! He makes $9 million!! Someone get me the executive editor!”

For your reading pleasure, here are the best lines from the suit, carefully culled by the POST:

The stunning court papers claim Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David Kuchinsky “in the nude,” allegedly telling him, “Look at me, Dave, look” and “Come and touch it, Dave.”

In a disturbing episode reminiscent of some of the evidence in the manslaughter case against former Nets star Jayson Williams, Kuchinsky further claims in his suit that Curry pointed a “fully loaded” gun at him on at least two separate occasions to keep him from complaining about his treatment. “Look, I have one in the chamber,” Curry allegedly said.

Exactly how many of the allegations Curry fulfilled is up for debate, but — as with the Duke rape case — at the very least he was doing things that weren’t advisable. Note to self: Don’t call any future butlers grandmaster of the KKK”. Oh, and don’t make them butlers if you’ve only hired them to drive you around.

However, what might be the most astonishing thing about the suit, is just how little David Kuchinsky, the driver in question, is asking for. The POST claims that he wants $98,000 — $68,000 in unpaid wages and another $25,000+ in unpaid expenses from Curry — and “compensatory damages” from the center. Look, we’re not genuises here, but $98,000 is chump change for a guy whose been making $9 million a year. Sure, it’s good money, but if you’re Curry, don’t you just settle that suit as fast as humanly possible? You whipped it out on the guy repeatedly and made him clean up your masturbatory mess, and all he wants is a measly $100G? Seems cheap at the price, if you ask us.

“Instead of paying him, they discriminated against him, figuring that it would keep him there,” said Kuchinsky’s lawyer, Matthew Blit. “Imagine going into your boss’s office … and he stands up and drops his pants and he asks you take care of him. Those actions are unacceptable whether it’s in a corporate office or a private home.”

It’s worth noting that Kuchinsky does have a checkered past — he served a three-year prison sentence for a 1992 burglary in New Jersey — and that Curry’s lawyer, Kelly Saindon, says that the suit is the culmination of a series of blackmailing threats from the former chauffeur.

Still, if any of these allegations are admitted to or proven true in a court of law, it will solidify one thing: Curry is the human equivalent of canine feces. Yes, we’re calling him dog crap. He can take his 2:38 of game action this entire season and shove it. Or maybe Kuchinsky can do that for him. He might like that.

There was more NBA news, but alas, it was much less inflammatory, degrading or insulting. Still, it was pretty entertaining. Following a second-straight win over Toronto, snapping the team’s previous elongated losing skid in the process, Celtics center Kevin Garnett felt comfortable enough to loosen up in a postgame presser and go Christopher Reeve on everyone. Here’s the video:

Is it just us, or does Paul Pierce always seem like KG’s red-headed step-cousin in the interview room? Garnett steals the stage even when he’s trying to deflect praise, all of which makes the dual-mic pressers even more awkward, and more entertaining in the process.

Also, if you haven’t seen him play yet this year, now might be a good time to check out Oklahoma’s Blake Griffin. Here’s a lowdown of what he does well: Everything inside the three-point line. Here’s what he does poorly: select earphones. Did anyone see the earbuds he was using during a pre-game shootaround before Monday night’s win over rival Texas, a victory which snapped a six-game Oklahoma hoops losing streak against the Longhorns? They were either A) really old iPod earbuds or B) ripoffs of iPod earbuds. We couldn’t see “COBY” on them, but they had all the tell-tale signs. What, he can’t afford any Bose or Sony in-ear headphones? And what about the Nike ‘phones that are allegedly “designed for athletics”. Nike sponsors OU and they won’t comp a future top-10 pick a pair of headphones?

blake griffin
(Hmmm. Blake Griffin. Think he’s from Quahog, R.I.?)

Here are the full highlights of Griffin’s 14th double-double of the year, this one worth 20 points and 10 rebounds against his school’s biggest rival, all while allegedly playing with some sort of a hip pointer/side injury suffered early in the second half. We’d also note that there’s a distinct irony in the fact that Oklahoma’s other big contributor Monday night is named Austin. Oh, and for good measure, Bob Knight’s a pretty big Griffin fan, too.

  • Things keep getting worse for the Panthers. First, they get blown out at home in the playoffs. Then their fullback throws the team’s coaching staff under the bus. Now? A nasty prostitution ring is going to ensnare at least one Panther in it’s web, according to PROFOOTBALLTALK.
  • You know all those horrible chick flicks they put out with a hot actress — say, Kate Hudson — who is torn between two perfectly affable potential lovers and friends? Well, in this one, the two guys are played by PGA stud Adam Scott on Alex Rodriguez. Oh, and it’s actually happening.
  • Remember the old codger of a Hall of Fame voter in Tuscon who openly forgot to vote for Rickey Henderson? Well, ol’ Corky Simpson is taking out his frustration on the interwebs. We’d give you his home address and email if we had it … so come back soon. We should have it by lunch (gotta love the interwebs, even if Corky doesn’t).
  • There is no way Ed Rendell will ever win another election in Pennsylvania; he just simultaneously jinxed both the Steelers and Eagles with one, ferociously stupid blow.
  • Rendell might get off easy if it’s really snowy in Pittsburgh and the Ravens slog out a gross game. That’s more than you can say for the Spanish soccer fans in the video below.

Will Eddy Curry be found guilty?

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Lingerie Footballer Punches Way to MMAer’s Heart

• MMA fighter KJ Noons has kicked up quite a lovely lingerie-football-playing girlfiend in Melany Lorenzo.

Melany Lorenzo

• RB Thomas Jones blames Brett for Jets bumbling down the stretch.

• Man takes an 180-mile bike ride to go on an underage ride of his own.

• March Madness just wouldn’t be complete without a sitcom about heckling starring Tom Arnold.

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Cops Snare Sir Charles For Drunk Driving In Ariz.

Charles Barkley gets bagged in Scottsdale for a DUI? That’s turrible.

Charles Barkley Woody Woodpecker Happy New Year

• Speaking of Arizona, Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald is accused of raising his hand in anger against his ex-Raiderette baby mama.

• It’s just Ducky that Oregon teams are Blazing a trail of victories to close out 2008.

• Tonight in Vegas, Robbie Maddison plans to get higher than ever before.

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SbB Clever Caption Contest: Bull Riding Blazer?

Time for another SbB Clever Caption Contest to help get you one day closer to the weekend. Today’s fantastic photo features Drew Gooden of the Chicago Bulls & LaMarcus Aldridge of the Portland Trail Blazers:

Drew Gooden LaMarcus Aldridge

So, how would you describe this silly scene? Make your suggestions in the comments section. Winner will be announced in the end-of-the-day recap.

Good luck, and good writing! (For Good-en!)

Blog-A-Rhythm: Don’t Be Dissin’ Ozzie’s Rap Skillz

Rick Morrissey of the CHICAGO TRIBUNE learns that you can insult Ozzie Guillen’s managerial decisions, but you better not e-mail him criticisms of his commercial rappin’ skillz.

Ozzie Guillen choke sign

• The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS has the sad story of Bronx high school basketball player dying after collapsing during a pickup game.

• The LA TIMES tells us we can snatch up Carson Palmer’s Laguna Beach home for just under $3 million. But if this view isn’t included, we’ll decline.

• ESPN’s Bill Williamson hikes up Brett Favre’s chances of playing with each of the 32 NFL teams. Wonder where he got that idea.

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Cuban, Allen Vote Against Sonics Move To OK City

Despite the best efforts of the blogosphere, the NBA owners have voted overwhelmingly to approve the Sonics’ move from Seattle to Oklahoma City. But it wasn’t a unanimous decision.

Mark Cuban Mavericks Paul Allen Blazers

CBS SPORTS reports that Friday’s final tally was 28-2 in support of the move. The two owners casting the dissenting votes were Mark Cuban of the Dallas Mavericks and Paul Allen of the Portland Trail Blazers. Why wouldn’t these guys go along with the crowd?

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Blog-Some: Painful Sunday For Texas Asst. Coach

Sunday’s loss to Kansas was painful for Texas. Just ask this Longhorns assistant coach who gets a tap to the testicles from one of his players.

YAHOO SPORTS’ BALL DON’T LIKE dresses down one angry Blazers fan who’s ready to kill over his (or her) missing sweatshirt.

TIRICO SUAVE tosses over an amusing video compilation of Cuba Gooding Jr. ruining Jeff George’s NFL comeback.

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Rockets Soar To 20 In A Row; Oden Back On Court

The Houston Rockets continue to reach new heights, as they beat the Atlanta Hawks 83-75 Wednesday night for their 20th victory in a row, tying the mark set by the ‘70-’71 Bucks for the 2nd-longest streak in NBA history.

Shane Battier Rockets Hawks

(Cheer up, Shane Battier - your team’s won 20 in a row!)

What a weekend it’s going to be in Houston. The Rockets can reach 21 in a row with a win over Charlotte on Friday, while the Hanson Brothers skate into town on Saturday. If only the local NBA team could have their popular big man back on the court.

While that’s not happening with Yao Ming & the Rockets anytime soon, the Portland Blazers did enjoy a quick glimpse of their own tower of power stepping out on the floor. Read more…

Greg Oden Couldn’t Attend His Own Birthday Party

Greg Oden was the guest of honor for a big birthday bash last Friday night. Too bad he couldn’t go.

Greg Oden girl dance

The PORTLAND OREGONIAN reports that the Blazers rookie had to miss out on the scheduled celebration held at the Roseland Theater. Over 800 attendees paid the $15 cover to partake in the music and intake in the alcohol.

Problem is Oden just turned 20 - still a year away from legal drinking age. And another concern for Oden & his agents was Toyota’s sponsorship of the event - since Greg has an endorsement contract with Chevrolet.

Oh, well - there’s always next year. By then, he might finally be healthy enough to dance again.