The best part about this headline, in truth, is that it’s not even the first time we’ve been able to connect Eddy Curry with a preposterous legal suit in the past month. Remember this? Still, as bad as a two-year-old Big & Tall clothing bill is, this takes the cake: According to this story in the NEW YORK POST, the oft-injured and always overpaid Knicks center is accused of trying to solicit gay sex from his chauffeur, whom he also made touch his penis, clean up towels he had ejaculated into and whom he called a, “f**king Jew”, “white slave”, “white devil”, and “grandmaster of the KKK”. Oh, and when the driver complained, Curry pointed a loaded gun at him and threatened to kill him if he spoke.
(Nothing is coming up Eddy anymore. That’s for sure.)
Yes, folks, that’s about as good a story lede as you can get. Just imagine the eyes on the reporter who tripped across this court filing. “Oh, look, a Knicks benchwarmer is getting sued. Hmm, wait a minute! Gay sex! Racial epithets! He makes $9 million!! Someone get me the executive editor!”
For your reading pleasure, here are the best lines from the suit, carefully culled by the POST:
The stunning court papers claim Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David Kuchinsky“in the nude,” allegedly telling him, “Look at me, Dave, look” and “Come and touch it, Dave.”
In a disturbing episode reminiscent of some of the evidence in the manslaughter case against former Nets star Jayson Williams, Kuchinsky further claims in his suit that Curry pointed a “fully loaded” gun at him on at least two separate occasions to keep him from complaining about his treatment. “Look, I have one in the chamber,” Curry allegedly said.
Exactly how many of the allegations Curry fulfilled is up for debate, but — as with the Duke rape case — at the very least he was doing things that weren’t advisable. Note to self: Don’t call any future butlers grandmaster of the KKK”. Oh, and don’t make them butlers if you’ve only hired them to drive you around.
However, what might be the most astonishing thing about the suit, is just how little David Kuchinsky, the driver in question, is asking for. The POST claims that he wants $98,000 — $68,000 in unpaid wages and another $25,000+ in unpaid expenses from Curry — and “compensatory damages” from the center. Look, we’re not genuises here, but $98,000 is chump change for a guy whose been making $9 million a year. Sure, it’s good money, but if you’re Curry, don’t you just settle that suit as fast as humanly possible? You whipped it out on the guy repeatedly and made him clean up your masturbatory mess, and all he wants is a measly $100G? Seems cheap at the price, if you ask us.
“Instead of paying him, they discriminated against him, figuring that it would keep him there,” said Kuchinsky’s lawyer, Matthew Blit. “Imagine going into your boss’s office … and he stands up and drops his pants and he asks you take care of him. Those actions are unacceptable whether it’s in a corporate office or a private home.”
It’s worth noting that Kuchinsky does have a checkered past — he served a three-year prison sentence for a 1992 burglary in New Jersey — and that Curry’s lawyer, Kelly Saindon, says that the suit is the culmination of a series of blackmailing threats from the former chauffeur.
Still, if any of these allegations are admitted to or proven true in a court of law, it will solidify one thing: Curry is the human equivalent of canine feces. Yes, we’re calling him dog crap. He can take his 2:38 of game action this entire season and shove it. Or maybe Kuchinsky can do that for him. He might like that.
There was more NBA news, but alas, it was much less inflammatory, degrading or insulting. Still, it was pretty entertaining. Following a second-straight win over Toronto, snapping the team’s previous elongated losing skid in the process, Celtics center Kevin Garnett felt comfortable enough to loosen up in a postgame presser and go Christopher Reeve on everyone. Here’s the video:
Is it just us, or does Paul Pierce always seem like KG’s red-headed step-cousin in the interview room? Garnett steals the stage even when he’s trying to deflect praise, all of which makes the dual-mic pressers even more awkward, and more entertaining in the process.
Also, if you haven’t seen him play yet this year, now might be a good time to check out Oklahoma’s Blake Griffin. Here’s a lowdown of what he does well: Everything inside the three-point line. Here’s what he does poorly: select earphones. Did anyone see the earbuds he was using during a pre-game shootaround before Monday night’s win over rival Texas, a victory which snapped a six-game Oklahoma hoops losing streak against the Longhorns? They were either A) really old iPod earbuds or B) ripoffs of iPod earbuds. We couldn’t see “COBY” on them, but they had all the tell-tale signs. What, he can’t afford any Bose or Sony in-ear headphones? And what about the Nike ‘phones that are allegedly “designed for athletics”. Nike sponsors OU and they won’t comp a future top-10 pick a pair of headphones?
(Hmmm. Blake Griffin. Think he’s from Quahog, R.I.?)
You know all those horrible chick flicks they put out with a hot actress — say, Kate Hudson — who is torn between two perfectly affable potential lovers and friends? Well, in this one, the two guys are played by PGA stud Adam Scott on Alex Rodriguez. Oh, and it’s actually happening.
Remember the old codger of a Hall of Fame voter in Tuscon who openly forgot to vote for Rickey Henderson? Well, ol’ Corky Simpson is taking out his frustration on the interwebs. We’d give you his home address and email if we had it … so come back soon. We should have it by lunch (gotta love the interwebs, even if Corky doesn’t).
There is no way Ed Rendell will ever win another election in Pennsylvania; he just simultaneously jinxed both the Steelers and Eagles with one, ferociously stupid blow.
Rendell might get off easy if it’s really snowy in Pittsburgh and the Ravens slog out a gross game. That’s more than you can say for the Spanish soccer fans in the video below.
There have been plenty of self-assured hurrahs about the Colts’ new coach after Tony Dungy’s retirement, with Jim Caldwell lauded as the perfect replacement waiting in the wings. Well, did anyone think to check out his record at his last stop? SHUTDOWN CORNER did. Guess what: It isn’t pretty.
Time for another SbB Clever Caption Contest to help get you one day closer to the weekend. Today’s fantastic photo features Drew Gooden of the Chicago Bulls & LaMarcus Aldridge of the Portland Trail Blazers:
So, how would you describe this silly scene? Make your suggestions in the comments section. Winner will be announced in the end-of-the-day recap.
CBS SPORTS reports that Friday’s final tally was 28-2 in support of the move. The two owners casting the dissenting votes were Mark Cuban of the Dallas Mavericks and Paul Allen of the Portland Trail Blazers. Why wouldn’t these guys go along with the crowd?
The Houston Rockets continue to reach new heights, as they beat the Atlanta Hawks 83-75 Wednesday night for their 20th victory in a row, tying the mark set by the ‘70-’71 Bucks for the 2nd-longest streak in NBA history.
(Cheer up, Shane Battier - your team’s won 20 in a row!)
What a weekend it’s going to be in Houston. The Rockets can reach 21 in a row with a win over Charlotte on Friday, while the Hanson Brothersskate into town on Saturday. If only the local NBA team could have their popular big man back on the court.
While that’s not happening with Yao Ming & the Rockets anytime soon, the Portland Blazers did enjoy a quick glimpse of their own tower of power stepping out on the floor. Read more…
Greg Oden was the guest of honor for a big birthday bash last Friday night. Too bad he couldn’t go.
The PORTLAND OREGONIAN reports that the Blazers rookie had to miss out on the scheduled celebration held at the Roseland Theater. Over 800 attendees paid the $15 cover to partake in the music and intake in the alcohol.
Problem is Oden just turned 20 - still a year away from legal drinking age. And another concern for Oden & his agents was Toyota’s sponsorship of the event - since Greg has an endorsement contract with Chevrolet.
Oh, well - there’s always next year. By then, he might finally be healthy enough to dance again.