First and foremost, Chicago is a city of curses. The political scene is cursed with Daleys, the Blackhawks are cursed to have the biggest Scrooge of an owner in professional hockey, and, first and foremost, the Cubs are cursed by a billy goat who was denied entrance despite wielding his own ticket. Well, now the city’s police force has jumped on to the curse wagon, as it’s already begging Chicago baseball fans to “celebrate responsibly” despite the fact that the season hasn’t even started yet.

(This year, the goat might be off the hook.)

Yes, we get it: The cops are talking about celebrating regular season wins, not a championship. But no police force ever addresses regular season games. That’s what makes Saturday’s proclamation, as covered here in the CHICAGO TRIBUNE, such a shock: The department had the balls to go out and deliver it in the preseason. If they’re already laying the groundwork for “please don’t burn cars and couches!” speeches, Chicago officials clearly must feel that the Cubs and White Sox are heading to the playoffs, potentially to a World Series.

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Congratulations, U.S.A., we’re off the hook as the lone purveyor of inexplicable violence at youth sporting events, thanks to this tale of a disturbing attack at a 2006 U-13 girl’s soccer game in Hamilton, Ontario has finally surfaced. How did it come out? Well, some three years after the incident, the police officer who attacked an opposing child’s parent might finally get her due demotion.

(Hey, you might lose your marbles if you had to dress like this, too.)

According to the HAMILTON SPECTATOR, 40-year-old Constable Wendy Bromfield pleaded guilty to misconduct charges at a Police Services Act hearing earlier this week, all connected to a 2006 incident that started when she ratted out an player on the team opposing her daughter’s squad. The victim of Brumfield’s vigilante refereeing was ejected shortly thereafter, and Brumfield’s daughter’s team won the game.

That’s when things got interesting. One of the players from the losing team walked up to Bromfield, blamed her for the ejection and, because of that, the loss, spitting and cursing at her (according to Bromfield). And what happened when Brumfield brought the player over to the opposing team’s coach? She couldn’t constrain herself any more, and attacked the kid’s father.

Let’s see if we can make an equation out of this: Either Canadian cops > or = Los Angeles riot cops. Right? That seems straight, doesn’t it? Maybe we forgot to carry a one.

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Charles Barkley’s stock is back on the rise.

After taking a huge image hit when reports of an unpaid gambling debt surfaced out of Las Vegas, Barkley is now leading a charity effort to help the family of a slain Arizona policeman. No word on when they’ve scheduled Monte Carlo night. Read more…