No No Ladies, That’s Not Dwight Howard’s Donger

So, it’s a slow news day in the NBA. Not a whole lot going on. Pau Gasol had that finger surgery a couple days ago, and, um, yeah. Hey, there’s something about Dwight Howard and OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT HOG.

Dwight Howard
(You should be happy that this is censored.)

MEDIATAKEOUT.COM announced to the world that they had acquired pictures of Dwight Howard showing off his, um, “D12.” And the candid nature of it all seemed to support their claim. Fortunately for all of our sensibilities, though, their story’s being challenged. False alarm on famous schlong, people. Please disperse.

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Josh Hamilton Did Some Very Ill-Advised Partying

By now, the saga of Josh Hamilton is well-known: #1 draft pick, flamed out spectacularly like a squirrel in a bonfire, then a triumphant, clean return to the game that climaxed in an awe-inspiring performance at the 2008 Home Run Derby.

Josh Hamilton Body Shots
(Josh, that doesn’t look like sobriety at all.)

But then DEADSPIN released a dozen photos of Hamilton, often shirtless and surrounded by gleefully revelrous young ladies. That’s one above, and the other 11 are similary raucous - and damning, considering Hamilton’s supposed to have been off the sauce for years.

Time for lame denials and no-comments? Actually, no. Read more…

Miss. State Brings Body Paint, Fellatio To Rivalry

On Tuesday, we brought you the story of Tennessee’s shirtless “Wild Boyz,” which sounds like the name of an “alternative” adult movie - and which looks like one, too. But despite the overwhelming shirtlessness of it all, it was still a bit, well, passive. It’s not an orgy if everyone’s just standing around; you need some action.

Mississippi State Shirtless Suck It
(But what if I don’t want to suck it?)

Fortunately, as you can see above, Mississippi State is upping the ante in the SEC. Sure, most people would balk at encouraging your rival to perform oral sex on you, especially since said rival has won 7 of the last 9 games and just got done ending your season with a 45-0 ass-kicking, but you know what? Mississippi State’s just going for it, man.

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Vols Committed To Whole Shirtless Thing (Video)

Recall, if you will, the raised eyebrows when Lane Kiffin and his coaching staff entertained recruits by ripping off their shirts and chanting something about “Wild Boyz” (we’re sure it was interpreted as “wild boys” by the young men; the Z and capital letters are necessarily the sort of post-performance add-ons when it’s all written up and branded). Ed Orgeron, you might recall, is not a small man.

Vols Shirtless
(”Why yes, that is a giant chain around my shoulders. It’s Prada.”)

So now it’s time to put together a team picture, and you know what’s better than the coaches running around with their shirts off? How about everyone with their shirts off?? Oh yes, there’s video of the largest sausage fest in college football, and it’s below the break. Hey, it’s a camera and a bunch of football players - everybody flex and nobody smile!

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