McHale’s Move From Minny Tweeted With By Love

Kevin Love is the first one to tell, er, Tweet the world that Kevin McHale would be leaving the Timberwolves.

Kevin McHale Kevin Love Minnesota Timberwolves

• Now that’s what you call a road test fiesta! Thanks, Top Gear!

• Could Coach K depart Duke to land as head honcho for the Lakers?

Eddie Van Halen is very hot at Nike for ripping off his guitar to design their new shoes.

• The Stanley Cup takes a dip in Mario Lemieux’s pool.

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Pitt Parade Fan Tosses Ball Thru 5-Story Window

His identity is still unknown, but if Dave Wannstedt is wise he’ll find out pronto who it was who rifled a football from the street and into an upper-floor window of a church during the Penguins’ victory parade on Monday in downtown Pittsburgh. If you haven’t see the video by now, we have it below.

Penguins fan throws football

It was before the parade when this guy started throwing a football at the fifth floor window of the Diocese of Pittsburgh building. Word on the street is that he was throwing the ball to a priest. Accounts vary as to how many tries it took for him to nail the target, but an eyewitness thinks he knows for sure. Read more…

Steelers’ Harrison’s Pit Bull Attacks His Baby Son

As you’ll remember, James Harrison declined to accompany the Steelers to meet President Obama. Instead he remained home and fed his baby son to his pit bull.

James Harrison

OK, that’s an oversimplification. But Harrison’s 2-year-old son James III was sent to the hospital after being bitten by the dog, and two other people were bitten while trying to get the dog off him.

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Mark Sanchez Turns on the Sex Jets for GQ Shoot

• New Jets QB Mark Sanchez struts his stuff in a new photoshoot for GQ:

Mark Sanchez GQ

• Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger is hoping that Formula One star Lewis Hamilton will soon be driving her to the wedding chapel.

• Nice to see the 1962 Mets show up at Dodger Stadium Monday night.

Michael Strahan is all set to fill in the gap of Fox sitcom programming.

• Vancouver’s sex workers are getting some tips on how to deal with the upcoming Olympic media onslaught.

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Planes, Not Politics, Keep Harrison From Obama

So what was keeping Steelers linebacker James Harrison from visiting President Obama in the White House? Is he secretly a closeted black Republican in an NFL that had multiple players openly endorse Obama during the prior season? Nope. Is he opposed to Obama’s stance on torture, or Guantanamo, or the bailout for American automakers?

steelers plane

(Much more effective than a play-action pass in avoiding Harrison.)

Not at all. No, Harrison is just deathly afraid of flying - so much so that he doesn’t think a flight of a couple hours that isn’t absolutely required by his job is worth taking, even if it means he’ll get face time with the most powerful man in the world as soon as he touches down.

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Speed Read: Turkoglu Is Magic Man For Orlando

Even with the Orlando Magic leading the Boston Celtics by 17 midway through the fourth quarter in Game 7 of their Eastern Conference semifinal, you may have had an uneasy feeling in your stomach that it was a big set-up to a massive, heartbreaking, Stan Van Gundy-firing collapse. Of course Boston was going to make a run - especially with Dwight Howard sitting with five fouls. The only question was how badly would the Magic collapse.

Dwight Howard

After all, they had blown a 14-point lead in Game 5 of the series, and almost let a 28-point cushion slip away in Game 1, so why not save the “best” for last? And sure enough, after Ray Allen hit a three-pointer with 4:12 to play, the Celtics had cut the lead to 12 and were poised to make something happen. So, of course, there was only one man the Magic could turn to in their hour of need.

Hedo Turkoglu eating pizza

That’s right, Mr. Pizza Man himself, Hedo Turkoglu. Maybe the grease on his fingers from his pregame meal of pizza put extra spin on the ball, but he was out of his mind in Game 7, especially when the Magic needed him most. He responded to Allen’s three-pointer with one of his own, and then hit a fallaway jumper on the next possession to get the lead back to 17. Maybe he’s a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, and pizza is his spinach?

After that, it was time for the Celtics to pull Allen and Paul Pierce for a final round of applause, and bring in the scrubs. (Otherwise known as “Gabe Pruitt Time!”) As for the Magic, they haven’t been this far since the Shaq and Penny days, so you can excuse the people of Orlando if they don’t exactly act like they’ve been there before.

So the NBA didn’t get the Cavaliers vs. Celtics match-up they were craving, but their consolation prize is nice: the most dominant big man in the game (Dwight Howard) vs. the most dominant anything in the game (LeBron James). As for Bron-Bron and the Cavaliers, you can see that they were clearly concerned about who they would play:

Let’s see Van Gundy draw up a defense for that.

As the NBA’s reigning champs were dethroned, the current NFL champs get ready to enjoy one of their spoils on Thursday: the traditional meeting with the President in front of the White House. But NFL Defensive Player of the Year James Harrison won’t be joining them. No, he doesn’t have a pressing personal emergency, and it’s not a political protest. His reason is a little more complex than that:

“This is how I feel — if you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don’t win the Super Bowl. As far as I’m concerned, he [Obama] would’ve invited Arizona if they had won,” said Harrison.

So let me get this straight: Harrison is upset because he thinks that Barack Obama is playing favorites and only inviting the Steelers because they won the Super Bowl and not because he’s their biggest fan? Apparently he didn’t see the bitchin’ helmet tattoo that the President got before the playoffs, or the new paint modifications he made to Air Force One once he took office:

Modifications to Air Force One

Finally, the Stanley Cup playoffs started their conference finals on Sunday, and the Detroit Red Wings gave the upstart Chicago Blackhawks a welcome to big time hockey with a 5-2 thumping in Game 1 of their series. But the big story was almost something far darker, as the Blackhawks’ Adam Burish narrowly escaped a Richard Zednik/Clint Malarchuk moment when his neck was clipped by the skate of teammate Ben Eager.

Unlike the other two players, Burish only received a minor nick that didn’t require stitches. Still, he knows how lucky he was:

“I don’t know how my head was still connected there,” Burish said. “I saw his skate. It was like he did a figure skating move. He lifted his skate up and I just watched it go over my neck.”

If only they made some sort of device that could protect hockey players in case a blade happens to catch them in the neck. A “neck protector,” if you will. But I guess that’s just crazy talk.

  • THE STATE says South Carolina baseball player Casey Rihn allegedly learned the hard way why you don’t keep hitting the back of a police car with your hands when you are walking around drunk at 2 a.m.: you can wind up arrested after the cop in your car turns your face into Hamburger Helper on the ground.
  • Casey Rihn before and after

  • I guess that Usain Bolt’s OK after the foot surgery following his car crash: The AP says that in his first meet back in Manchester, England, he set the world record in the 150 meters at 14.35. Yeah, he even has the world record for a race no one runs now.
  • Walls? After you’ve been through the kind of hell Josh Hamilton has, walls are nothing. Actually, the DALLAS MORNING NEWS says that the wall was a pretty decent adversary for the Rangers’ outfielder, as he suffered a mild groin strain while making a game-saving catch against the Angels.
  • Dear Bruno Junqueira: Thanks for qualifying our car for the Indianapolis 500 - we really appreciate it. But we hope you don’t mind that we’re pulling you from the ride and replacing you with Alex Tagliani. It’s nothing personal - it’s just that he’s our main driver and all, and he failed to qualify. Best, Conquest Racing. P.S. Please return your driving suit to us by 5 p.m. or you lose the deposit.
  • Manchester United wrapped up the English Premier League crown this weekend, but the biggest story might be the plight of former soccer heavyweights Newcastle United. As the TELEGRAPH reports, their 1-0 loss to Fulham puts them on the edge of relegation to soccer’s minor leagues, as they need a win in their final game to stay in the EPL.
  • NFL fans who don’t get the NFL Network might finally be in luck: SI’s Peter King says that the league is closing in on a deal with Comcast to make the network available on the regular digital cable package. Finally, I won’t have to pay a premium for my daily dose of Rich Eisen.
  • TROY NUNES IS AN ABSOLUTE MAGICIAN sat down with new Syracuse football coach Doug Marrone for an interview, but not during breakfast if their arteries know what’s good for them. After all, Marrone claims that he once ate “42 pancakes with two sticks of butter…or a stick and half of butter…no, two sticks of butter and a thing and a half of maple syrup. I take pride in what I can eat.”
  • As if the Colorado Rockies didn’t have enough problems with the Pittsburgh Pirates taking two of three against them over the weekend, BUGS & CRANKS says that they even had to dodge bats kicked at them by the umps.
  • It was apparently “Dress Like A Banana Day” in San Francisco for the Giants’ game against the Mets, but THE SPORTS HERNIA says that Jon Miller was the only person in the ESPN broadcast booth to get the memo:
  • Jon Miller

  • What’s more American than baseball? The CHARLOTTE OBSERVER has an answer: beer and baseball. Since a local ordinance was changed allowing them to sell beer on Sundays, the minor league Charlotte Knights have seen attendance for Sunday home games go up by 30 percent.

NBA Finals: Who ya got?

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Bruce Pearl Set To Ring Out Wedding Bells Again

Bruce Pearl has Volunteered his heart for marriage once again, as the UT coach announces his engagement to the quite tasty Brandy Miller.

Bruce Pearl Brandy Miller

Jessica Simpson gets so worried when Tony Romo is on the field that she texts everyone to pray for his protection.

• Sorry, folks, tonight’s Yankees game has been called on account of rain. Oh, it hasn’t? Well, too bad - you’re still not getting back in.

• The Green Bay Packers warned us about this sinister swine flu epidemic - over 30 years ago!

Regis Philblin is almost murdered by a menacing throw from the Marlins’ Hanley Ramirez.

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Week In Review: Jameson Met Ortiz On MySpace

• How did porn star Jenna Jameson & MMA fighter Tito Ortiz ever get together in the first place? ‘Twas through the miracle of MySpace!

Tito Ortiz Jenna Jameson

• Any ex-Florida football players who dare critique Urban Meyer’s current regime should consider themselves persona non Gator.

• Hilarity ensues when Erin Andrews spends her NFL Draft day with the comic duo of Quan & Dr. Bill Cosby.

• The University of Oregon rules that naked ultimate frisbee is a no-no.

• A horse had to be put down after a two-horse collision during Kentucky Derby practice.

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Rick Fox May Be Done Delighting Lakers Viewers

• Is ex-Laker Rick Fox calling it quits on his basketball broadcast career?

Rick Fox Jeanene Fox

If so, could he bring his sister Jeanene onto the show before he goes?

• This Celtics-Bulls series is turning into an instant playoff classic.

Trev Alberts: Form the TV analyst’s chair to the athletic director’s chair.

Tommy Lasorda visits with the troops - but he’s not looking so well.

• Under Armour recalls over 200,000 athletic supporters. Well, ain’t that a shot to the balls.

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Steelers LB Wants To Take His Ball And Go Home

In modern professional sports, it’s far from uncommon for athletes to force their team’s management to release or trade them. Often, these disgruntled athletes are either buried on the depth chart/rotation/bench, or they have been stuck playing for perennial losers and want a chance to win a few games. Like it or not, it usually works, often to the benefit of both team and player.

LB Larry Foote

What you don’t usually hear about, however, is a perennial starter asking for his release from a perennial winner, let alone a six-time Super Bowl winner. But that’s exactly what Steelers linebacker Larry Foote has done, just months after being the starting (and winning) middle linebacker in Super Bowl XLIII. And if that’s not a big enough twist for you, get this - he wants to play for the Lions. Yes, those Lions. Huh?

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