Wine Critic Tortured With Michael Jordan Gatorade

Give it to Gatorade: they know how to push Kool-Aid. Despite marketing themselves as the stuff of elite athletes, it seems like you can’t find a bloated kid without a bottle stuck to his lips these days. It’s just sugar and water. Oh, and some electrolytes that kids don’t even need.

Gatorade and glowing semen
(Plus the bottle looks exactly like a schlong with a cap on top. Sorry.)

Gatorade decided to up the ante with some Michael Jordan/Hall of Fame-themed flavors, even though history suggests anything “flavored” like MJ is going to be a sensory horror show. The CHICAGO TRIBUNE’s wine critic, perhaps as a result of a lost bet, was tasked with trying the three new flavors. He reported that they were all wonderfully delicious and haha no he didn’t they’re bottles of pure ass:  Read more…