Howard Mudd has spent 35 straight seasons coaching in the NFL, serving the last 11 years as offensive line coach for the Indianapolis Colts. During his time in Indy, Mudd has plotted to provide protection for conquering QB hero Peyton Manning, with positive results - the Colts line has ranked 7th or better in the league in sacks allowed for 10 of those 11 years, helping Peyton amass the 11 best passing yardage seasons in team history.

But now Howard has decided to give his coaching career the heave-ho, telling the team he plans to retire. But it’s not because he’s tired of the job - he’s worried about his future finances.

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Remember that 80s movie “The Best of Times” with Robin Williams as the nerd who dropped the big touchdown pass from Kurt Russell that would have given Taft High the win over arch-rivals Bakersfield, and how he convinces both teams to replay the game years later? Probably not, because it wasn’t a huge hit, although I remember since I was actually living in Taft that summer (not a highlight of my life), and it was just about the biggest deal ever in town (that and the Circle K opening in town).

It looks like we have a sequel brewing, only this time in real life: RIVALS.COM says that members of the 1993 teams from bitter foes Easton (PA) and Phillipsburg (NJ) are going to be replaying their 7-7 tie on April 26. This is all part of a program called Gatorade REPLAY which spotlights some of the best rivalries in high school football, which of course meas there are special perks for the players, such as special training sessions to get in shape. And having Peyton and Eli Manning as the honorary coaches.

(If that’s the case, shouldn’t the two teams be settling this the manly way: in the Double Stuff Licking League?)

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The Netherlands’ World Baseball Classic team showed just how awesome colonialism was with their second victory over the Dominican Republic yesterday, 2-1 in 11 innings. This unlikely series of events pushes the Netherlands team into the second round and eliminates the Dominican squad.

The Netherlands team’s combination of Arubans, Netherlands Antilles residents, and the occasional Dutch person bested the Dominicanos behind the power of their pitching in both games, no doubt buoyed by pitching coach Bert Blyleven.

If Blyleven can turn Sidney Ponson into a nominal pitcher again, he should launch past potential MLB pitching coach jobs and apply for beatification.

(We kid.  While the WBC is a watering hole for semi-famous former ballplayers, it’s not exactly a test of coaching mettle. Also, 24 walks in 29 innings isn’t worth bragging about. Small sample size, thy name is “first-round WBC exit for the DR”.)

Apparently, Jay Cutler doesn’t picture himself as chattel. He leans into the mirror and he sees a diabetic, perhaps. He probably sees a Pro Bowl quarterback. However, he just can’t see the piece o’meat others do.

Therefore, the healing process after his near-trade (okay, his far-trade) from the Broncos to Tampa (or Kansas City or what not) hasn’t gone smoothly. In fact, it’s more of a scab-picking competition between Broncos management and Cutler’s people. An attempt at a long-distance group hug fell apart yesterday and both sides are the worse for wear for it.

We just finished listening to Bill Simmons’ latest podcast with Houston Rockets GM Daryl Morey and, yes, he’s brilliant. However, he kept referring to his players as “assets” he needed to accumulate to gather different assets down the line.

This is all fine and true, but you don’t engender loyalty when you refer to your employees with the same terminology as you’d use to describe your real estate holdings.

So yes, it’s a big bad business and Cutler knew what he was in for when he signed up to be a professional ballplayer, but he doesn’t have to like it. Also, if he has the leverage, he doesn’t have to put up with it.

And hey… if the Broncos don’t need a 25-year-old quarterback that has proved more than competent for the job, maybe they can’t value their assets or their people as well as they could.

Former NFL placekicker Tony Zendejas found himself acquitted of rape charges by a Pomona jury yesterday. (The rather painful details have been covered here previously;  those sensitive to discussion of “anal tears” are encouraged to pass on the link.)

At least he can safely return to “Party Time, Zendejas Time!!!!!“ now.

And now the proverbial hail of bullets while wrestling an injured lunatic ninja kangaroo in your living room…

• Ben Woodside, the college basketball player that scored 60 points in a loss earlier this season, just made the shot to send North Dakota State to the NCAA tourney in their first year of eligibility as a D-I school.
• LaDainian Tomlinson and the Chargers agreed to a three-year contract. “Anchors Aweigh” seems appropriate, considering San Diego’s a Navy town.
• If you mess with the Husky, you get the cyber whip: Some bright fellow (and Washington State fan) got ahold of a University of Washington player’s cell number and harrassed him through calls and texts before the big rivalry game. After UW beat WSU, the Husky player posted his harrasser’s number on Twitter and told his friends and fans to “let him have it”.
• If you cheat on a math test to stay eligible to play in the high school state tourney, don’t get caught. If you do get caught, get your mother to sue for a temporary restraining order to force the school to let you play in the tourney.

• Breaking up is hard to do, true, but the good news? Ladies… Hulk Hogan will be single soon!
• Lamar Odom will miss a game for leaving the bench in Monday’s loss to the Trail Blazers. However, Trevor Ariza is still allowed to practice whatever brand of defense he has. You know, the one that sends the other guy to the hospital overnight. “Hard-nosed”, we suppose.
• And now maybe Shaq wants to leave Phoenix. Again, we’re all for the return of personal choice for professional athletes, but we didn’t mean to suggest the athlete should make as many different ones as possible.
• Barack Obama favors one Sarge over all others in his posse. That would seem to hurt troop morale, but no one’s fussing yet.
• Peyton Manning couldn’t make it to his own state holiday because Tiger wanted to hit a few golf balls around. Hey, we’d make the same call and we can’t even putt adequately into the clown’s mouth.

Everyone remembers Matt Hasselbeck’s not so timely flawed prognostication during the Seahawks’ first playoff foray back in 2004, when the Seattle quarterback loudly declared “We want the ball and we’re going to score,” after winning the overtime coin toss. Well, last night Chargers nose tackle Jamal Williams boldly made the same declaration, albeit with a bit more brevity. As soon as the Chargers won the coin toss, Williams loudly announced: “Game over” to the group of captains at midfield. Unlike Monsieur Hasselbeck, Williams will be playing in the second round of the playoffs, making it one of the ballsiest on-the-spot predictions in recent years.

(Jamal Williams: A fatter instant Nostradamus.)

The story, and the video you see after the jump (The “Game over” line comes at 0:23), were discovered by FANHOUSE earlier today, and in retrospect, Williams kind of steals the overtime spotlight. Not to diminish Darren Sproles’s rather sizable game (in terms of achievements, not in terms of his size, obviously), but having a defensive lineman say “Game over” after winning the coin toss is not exactly an everyday occurrence. After all, that’s basically saying, “We’re so good, I’m not even going to have to play in this extra period.”

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With a little more than two minutes to go in their playoff game against the Atlanta Falcons, it looked like the Arizona Cardinals were on the verge of becoming…well, the Arizona Cardinals. Up 30-24, they had just called an inexplicable reverse that had been blown up, leading to a huge 3rd-and-16 from midfield. If they didn’t convert, they would give the ball back to the Falcons and their Rookie of the Year QB Matt Ryan, who had just scored easily in their previous possession.

And then something amazing happened: with their season potentially on the line, the Cardinals made a huge play. Kurt Warner found TE Steven Spach alone in Falcons’ secondary (after a major foul-up by Atlanta’s linebackers) for a first down, letting Arizona run out the clock on their first home playoff victory in 61 years.

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Remember way back in October, when the Indianapolis Colts were 3-4 and their playoff hopes looked completely dead in the water? What a difference a couple of months make. Last night’s 31-24 win over the Jacksonville Jaguars was the team’s eighth straight, clinching a playoff berth and as the INDIANAPOLIS STAR notes, made them the first team ever to win 11 or more games in six straight seasons. And Tony Dungy became the first coach since the merger to make the playoffs in ten straight years.

All impressive, but the star of the night was Peyton Manning. You might not have noticed, but after struggling a bit during the team’s early slump, Peyton’s stepped out of his little brother Eli’s shadow, putting together a string of great performances despite not having a run game to speak of. And last night might have been his best yet: 364 yards and three touchdowns, including completing his first 17 passes in a row.

If he keeps this up, he might get some endorsements in the future. The game was a bit of a letdown for Jaguars fans, but their highlight had to come before the game, when paralyzed lineman Richard Collier took the field in a wheelchair with his teammates. No jokes there, just a Christmas wish that no other NFL players (or athletes) are the victims of needless crime in 2009.

Meanwhile, the NFL wants you to become a narc. Not about drugs (so please stop following Ricky Williams around, thanks), but about unruly fan behavior. USA TODAY reports that NFL teams are giving fans a way to report obnoxious fans to stadium security by sending a text message.

It’s more discreet than having to find a security guard and point someone out, but it does lend itself to “prank texts” of people wanting to kick people out of the stadium. For example, Buffalo fans shouldn’t text message security and demand that Dick Jauron is kicked out of the stadium for “impersonating an NFL head coach.” Note: the Saints, Rams and Titans don’t offer this service, so feel free to act like complete cretins at these games.

• NESW SPORTS has footage of Chris Webber going “Iraqi Shoe Thrower” on Charles Barkley in the name of “Gene Chiznik” (I think he meant Chizik). I haven’t seen Sir Charles move that fast since a Vegas pit boss came towards him to collect his marker:
• You can remove the Boston Red Sox from the Mark Teixeira sweepstakes: owner John Henry tells the BOSTON GLOBE that “after hearing about his other offers, however, it seems clear that we are not going to be a factor.“
• The CHARLOTTE OBSERVER reports that NASCAR and Mauricia Grant have settled her sexual harassment and discrimination lawsuit out of court. Apparently with the auto industry going into the tank, NASCAR decided that having a $225 million lawsuit hanging over its shoulder might not be a great idea.
• They’re getting Wrigley Field ready for the Winter Classic NHL game, and apparently they’re also indulging in some egg nog (or Old Style) while they are at it. GOING FIVE HOLE has video of an incident that occurred while unloading one of the Zambonis. Just call it a “Zam-boner.”
• KCBS 2 has the details of a suspected child molester who was working as a youth sports coach in Orange County. Remind me to send my kids to tap lessons instead.
• Not only do they take their high school football seriously in Texas (even if the fields can kill you), but God is right up their too. The HERALD DEMOCRAT reports on how their Christian faith has guided the Celina High football team to eight state title games in 11 years.
• In case you missed it, Tim Tebow questioned Mel Kiper Jr. on why the draft pundit thought he wouldn’t make it as an NFL QB, and the Hair Helmeted One really didn’t have a good answer. COLLEGE FOOTBALL TALK says that comments like that (and anger over not winning the Heisman Trophy this year) might drive Tebow from Florida and into the NFL.
• GOLF DIGEST says that Jack Nicklaus has a holiday message for Tiger Woods: get well soon, but don’t break any more of my records. And get off my lawn!
• THE SPORTING BLOG rolls up with word that Bronson Arroyo’s personal motto is “It ain’t no fun unless the homeys can have some!” from a Snoop Dogg song, meaning sharing the sexual services of young ladies with your friends. Talk about a Hot Corner…
• Finally, an Argentine soccer player tells the AP that he feels terrible that he killed a pigeon when it was struck by a ball he kicked. Go tell it to Dave Winfield.

It’s a common fantasy for all sports fans: For one day, to be able to head over to your local fitness center, walk into the men’s room, and take a brisk pee in the exact same urinal as your favorite sports hero. Well, for Colts fans living in the Indianapolis area, that dream has become a reality! Xanadu!

(”Pee Like a Champion Today!”)

The above urinal used to be in use, so to speak, inside the Colts locker room at the RCA Dome. But with that eyesore mere days away from demolition, they had to find a place for this valuable piece of memorabilia. As a result, the average Joe Schmo can urinate in the exact same place where MVP Peyton Manning (probably) has as well!

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Life can’t be easy for Ryan Leaf, known throughout the urban literates as the “biggest flop in NFL history”, a man who almost single-handedly destroyed a franchise because they had the bad fortune of getting the 2nd pick in the draft. So it’s nice to see that Leaf has landed on his feet and avoided any more controversy of any kind. Just kidding, he was busted for drugs.

Well, officially it’s a “leave of absence”. Leaf, who is taking advantage of his not-so-great quarterbacking experience while in his 3rd year as QB coach for the West Texas A&M team, made the mistake of asking a player on the team for some pain-killing drugs. Apparently, the team’s full of NARCs!

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Typing that headline above was difficult, because I don’t think even the first half has ever been said by anybody ever. Peyton Manning is not average. He is not human. He’s still the guy who had the record for most passing TDs for a few years before last season’s ridiculousness that was Tom Brady and the Patriots*. And yet there he was at Lambeau today, throwing for 229 yards and two touchdowns. The teensy eensy problem with that line is that those touchdowns were for Green Bay, who slapped the Colts around and led by as many as 27 points up until garbage time. 34-14 is your final.

Yes, the Green Bay offense only outscored Indianapolis‘ offense by a count of 20-14, but the rest of the stats confirm the domination. Green Bay racked up 23 first downs, punted all of twice today (both boomed for touchbacks), and kept the ball for over 33 minutes, tiring a Colts defense that obviously misses reigning Defensive POY Bob Sanders.

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So why was Peyton Manning so slow to come back with the Colts during the preseason? The ASSOCIATED PRESS reports today that it turns out he had “two surgical procedures on his left knee before returning to the field in late August.”

Manning missed all of the Colts preseason games before returning to the field on Aug. 26. He has continued to rehab the knee throughout the season, and finally showed his old form yesterday as the Colts crush the Ravens 31-3.

The fun part of the story? Colts Coach Tony Dungy’s public reax to the news. Read more…