Photo: Paterno Has Eye Surgery, Ditches Glasses

Mark Brennan at reports today that Joe Paterno has ditched his trademark eyeglasses.

Joe Paterno No Glasses Photo

(All that work his agent put in on the Macular Degeneration endorsement!)

The 83-year-old Paterno had corrective eye surgery recently:

“I had trouble reading for the last six months, so I went down to Philadelphia to the Penn Scheie Eye Institute. And the guy says to me … I think we can fix that up. So they went in and did it. I don’t really need glasses any more.”

The ophthalmologist was Dr. Stuart Fine, who Paterno has known for more than four decades.

Wow, unbelievable. Best we can hope for now is for the continued rollout of remarkable teeth whitening products to somehow continue to elude the coaching legend.

(In other news, I’ve just learned Paterno wasn’t a marketing major at Penn St.)

Though there is some consolation in today’s unspeakable development. Read more…

Penn St.’s Daryll Clark Doesn’t Play Angry. Sure.

Penn State quarterback Daryll Clark on Nov. 22 responding to being called an “interception machine” by ESPN’s Todd McShay (video):

Todd McShay Calls Daryll Clark And Interception Machine

“You can’t go out and play angry as a quarterback, because you’ll sit there and get upset and think ‘I’m so mad’ and you end up throwing this pass and that pass and they (passes) end up not being there and you end up turning the ball over more. I want to make sure that doesn’t happy to me.”

And then there’s Clark on his confirmed Twitter account yesterday. Read more…

Joe Paterno, Reduced To Cane, Won’t See Doctor

Jay Christensen over at the WIZARD OF ODDS has some sad photos that I haven’t seen before, of Joe Paterno using a cane:

Joe Paterno using a cane, won't see doctor

Would JoPa have his surgery now if the Lions were struggling this year?

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The PITTSBURGH TRIBUNE-REVIEW reports that the ailment Paterno suffers somehow isn’t known, because Paterno claims he hasn’t had a doctor look at the problem. Read more…

Speed Read: Pacino To Play Lasorda? Hoo-aaahh!

With the Dodgers enjoying their best season since 1988, Tommy Lasorda is enjoying a resurgence in attention. So much so, that VARIETY is reporting that a Lasorda biopic is on the “fast track for development” by Miramax. And who’s reportedly in line to play the pudgy Dodger legend? None other than the star of such critical favorites as 88 Minutes and Righteous Kill. Al Pacino has been phoning it in for the better part of a decade, so perhaps he’s looking forward to playing a part where he can just eat spaghetti all day for six months. As long as Josh Brolin plays Kirk Gibson, I’ll be happy.

Al Pacino and Tommy Lasorda

The Rays and Red Sox announced that James Shields and Daisuke Matsuzaka, respectively, will start in the first game of the ALCS on Friday night at the legendary Trop. It’s just not October without domed baseball in Florida. Speaking of the Trop — there’s finally a reason for fans to show up to games, and now they’ve gone and reduced the stadium’s capacity. Unlike other stadiums that block off sections of seats during the regular season, the Rays have elected not to take the tarp off the top third of the upper deck for the playoffs (like Florida and Oakland have done previously), and in fact now have fewer seats available because an area called the “party deck” is being used as an auxiliary media area. The park once sat more than 45,000 for baseball, but will hold only 35,041 during the ALCS.

Meanwhile, Philly is preparing to host its first LCS game since 1993. Cole Hamels will face Derek Lowe in Game 1. But people are still talking about a play from the 1977 NLCS, when the Dodgers’ Davy Lopes was called safe at first on a ground ball to the Phillies’ Larry Bowa. Bowa, who is now the third-base coach for the Dodgers, still claims Lopes was out. Lopes is now the first-base coach for the Phillies and says Bowa should get over it.

1977 NLCS

The Chris Duhon era got off to a rousing start last night for the Knicks, as he went 1-for-7 with seven turnovers in a New York loss to the Raptors.  His backup scored 10 points off the bench, though. They should totally give that guy a chance to play more.

The NHL season gets underway domestically this evening when the defending champion Red Wings take on the defending perennial disappointment Maple Leafs in Detroit. The pregame banner ceremony will be a little weird for the Wings’ Marian Hossa, who lost the in Cup finals as a member of the Penguins last year.

The Cubs began putting together next year’s soul-crushing club by picking up Rich Harden’s $7 million option. The option was exercised after a medical examination determined that Harden didn’t have any tears in his shoulder. Because, being that he’s both Rich Harden and a Cub, the exam was supposed to reveal that his shoulder is comprised solely of masking tape and dental floss.

rotator cuff

• There’s nothing like getting all fired up for your team’s big rugby match and then seeing them run out of the tunnel wearing these:

Ugly rugby uniform

And you thought the Oregon Ducks had hideous uniforms.

• PHILLY.COM says that Flyers owner Ed Snider is such a booster of the McCain campaign that he’s having Sarah Palin drop the puck at the team’s home opener on Saturday.

• What do you mean there’s no Flozell Adams living in Winemucca? According to the DALLAS MORNING NEWS, somebody attempted to fraudulently register the entire Cowboys starting lineup to vote in Nevada.

• Kansas is still trying to squash the “rip his f***ing head off” chant that students shout on every kickoff, with ESPN2 rolling into town this weekend. The WIZ OF ODDS says they might go as far as having Mark Mangino address the student body.

• Washington State is punting with underinflated balls and now has an architecture student on board as a backup quarterback, according to this notebook on OREGONLIVE.COM. Peter Roberts won the job in open tryouts, and coach Paul Wulff has already forgotten the kid’s name. Cougar fever is at an all-time high.

• It’s a good thing all those Olympians gave gallon-size urine samples, since WADA is now going to go back and test every sample for new-fangled drug (AP).

• WITH LEATHER alerts us to collector’s items everyone nobody is talking about: Penn State faculty trading cards!

• This article from Japan’s DAILY YOMIURI is written in English, and yet is completely unintelligible. Something about sumo cushions, and how we shouldn’t throw them. Great headline, though.

• To recap: Fort Wayne’s sports mascots are now the Mastadons, the Mad Ants, and the Tin Caps. The FORT WAYNE JOURNAL-GAZETTE informs us that the new nickname for the city’s baseball team has something to do with Johnny Appleseed. Naturally, the team’s logo is an angry apple wearing a tin can on its head.

• A guy who was skinny dipping at a University of Massachusetts football game kneed a police officer in the groin, so says the AP (via the SEATTLE P-I). Officer gets morphine, may miss two weeks. Yes, you read all that right.

What has been the biggest factor in the Rays’ success this season?

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ESPN “OTL” Ambush To Hasten Paterno Ouster?

The dynamite investigative arm of ESPN known as “Outside The Lines” is trained on a new target:

Joe Paterno

Penn State head coach and college football icon Joe Paterno and his Penn State program will be the subject of an upcoming report.

Which means I look forward to hearing that Paterno isn’t 81 years old, but 83! Read more…

Cowher Responds To Penn St. “Internet” Rumors

Yesterday Michael David Smith of COLLEGE FOOTBALL TALK speculated that Bill Cowher might be considering a move.

Bill Cowher throw

Not because his current Raleigh home was up for sale. Try as the new Penn State football coach. Read more…

A&M Yell Leader: Joe Paterno On His “Deathbed”

KSAT-TV in San Antonio reports today that during an Alamo Bowl pep rally for both Penn State and Texas A&M last night, an “unidentified” Aggie yell leader (they don’t call them cheerleaders, for obvious reasons), said “Joe Paterno’s on his deathbed and someone needs to find him a casket.

Texas A&M Aggie Yell Leader

First off, JoePa can certainly find his own casket. What an insult!

KSAT also notes the million rounds of apologies from the A&M camp that followed: “Later in the evening, another Yell Leader appeared and apologized for the earlier comments. A&M sports information director Alan Cannon said a number of apologies have been issued to Penn State, KSAT 12’s Greg Simmons reported.Apologies came from Texas A&M President Ed Davis to the president of Penn State, an apology from A&M Athletic Director Bill Byrne to his counterpart at Penn State as well as the wife of interim head coach Gary Darnell, who apologized to the wife of Joe Paterno.

Uh, did anyone apologize to Paterno himself?

A&M Vice President of Student Affairs Dean Bresciani said the Yell Leader had been sent home, presumably to help Dennis Franchione punch up editorial on the coach’s new website.