Week In Review: NFL Boaters Missing, 1 Survives

• The sad stories surrounding the ill-fated Florida Gulf Coast boat trip of Corey Smith, Marquis Cooper, Nick Schuyler and Will Bleakley.

Corey Smith Marquis Cooper Nick Schuyler Will Bleakley

• Bouncy British babe Chantelle Houghton just can’t trust soccer stud Jermain Defoe & his amorous past.

• Speaking of sports across the Pond, many Englishmen prefer their women to wear their favorite team’s jersey to bed rather than nothing at all.

• Speaking of jerseys, crooks now using uniform numbers as criminal code.

Digger Phelps cuts a rug with a couple of Cal cheerleaders.

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Clever Caption Contest: Danger, Craig Robinson!

Hey readers! It’s time for another sensational SbB Clever Caption Contest!

Today we bounce along a snapshot of Craig Robinson, Oregon State Beavers men’s basketball coach and brother-in-law of Barack Obama:

Craig Robinson Oregon State Beavers

In what hilarious and/or thought-provoking way would you describe this scene? Submit your suggestions into the comments section linked below. Winner will be announced in the end-of-the-day recap.

Good luck and good writing!

Will The Village People’s Halftime Show Top Hoff?

In terms of halftime shows for mediocre bowl games, the gauntlet has been thrown down. The Las Vegas Bowl fired the first shot by announcing that David Hasselhoff would be bringing his unique vocal talents to their extravaganza. But Sun Bowl organizers have followed that up with a bombshell announcement of their own: The Village People will be performing at halftime.

The Village People

That’s right, the group that brought you such hits as “In The Navy” and “Go West” will be thrilling the crowds who are too drunk or sleepy to head out to the concession stand. Of course, the band was chosen for their connection to the city of El Paso and their background with the traditional … wait, I was thinking of Marty Robbins, and he’s been dead for 25 years. I have no idea what The Village People have to do with El Paso other than being affordable.

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Speed Read: Pacers Make Kobe’s Milestone Moot

Congratulations to Kobe Bryant for scoring his 22,000th career point against the Indiana Pacers last night. Your reward? A total fourth-quarter collapse by your team’s defense and a head-scratching 118-117 loss. Personally, as I gift I’d rather receive a pair of socks, or even a gift certificate to Arby’s than that.

Lakers bench after loss to Pacers

(Sasha - wha’ happened?)

The reason the Lakers blew a 15-point fourth quarter lead was simple: they stopped playing defense. They gave up 32 points in the quarter and six offensive rebounds, the last being Troy Murphy’s tip-in that gave the Pacers the victory. It’s the first Lakers loss to a bad team this season, but knowing the team’s recent history of falling victim to seemingly overlooking bad teams. (Between them and the USC football team, there must be something in the LA water.)

Meanwhile, Dallas Stars winger Sean Avery’s mouth has gotten him in trouble yet again. He’s been suspended indefinitely for “inappropriate public comments” after running his mouth before a game against the Calgary, specifically targeting Flames defenseman Dion Phaneuf, who happens to be dating Avery’s ex, hottie actress Elisha Cuthbert.

Elisha Cuthbert

Here’s Avery’s comments. If you look closely, you can see his teammates praying for an errant piece of Sputnik to come crashing down on him:

A class act, that Sean Avery. USA TODAY breaks down some of his recent “greatest hits“, including his swipe a few years ago at French-Canadians. This is Avery’s first season with the Stars, but he’s already managed to alienate his team. Dallas owner Tom Hicks said that the team would have suspended Avery if the league didn’t, and teammates like Marty Turco are already sick of his act. And we know how opponents feel about him.

Which loudmouth would you most like to see get a case of permanent laryngitis?

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Speed Read: MSG Hosts “LeBron Welcome Night”

Is it going to be like this for the next year and a half? Every NBA team with cap space rolling out the red carpet for LeBron James like it’s a recruiting trip and he’s Johnny Walker. Last night was the Knicks’ turn to playing willing host, both figuratively and literally - the fans gave him a hero’s welcome, and the team played their role as second bananas as they were little obstacle in the Cavaliers’ 119-101 win.

Knicks   fans ready for LeBron James

Meanwhile, let me remind again you that King James doesn’t become a free agent until July 2010 - that’s almost two full seasons from now. So expect the parade to be coming to your town very soon - perhaps he won’t be wearing special shoes dedicated to your city, but believe me, you’re going to get really sick of it very soon.

Also coming to your city is Ball State - provided that your city is Detroit, and not a place like Glendale, New Orleans, Miami or Pasadena where they have a BCS bowl game. The Cardinals took care of Western Michigan 45-22 to wrap up a perfect regular season and book a date in the MAC title game in the Motor City. So good for them, I guess.

Texas   player AJ Abrams

Meanwhile, there were some damned compelling college basketball games last night. Chief among them was Notre Dame hanging on to beat Texas 81-80 at the Maui Invitational, as A.J. Abrams’ desperation 60-footer at the buzzer hit the rim but missed. It sets up a meeting against No. 1 North Carolina for the eighth-ranked Fighting Irish and a chance for their fans to have something to celebrate in advance of their annual thrashing at the hands of USC this weekend.

Choose your Thanksgiving meal side of choice

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Virus Outbreak Keeps Some USC Students Home

Watching last week’s loss to unranked Oregon State might have left a bad feeling in the stomach of USC student’s stomachs, but that stomach pain is nothing in comparison to the vomiting, diarrhea and stomach-cramping that might be dished out at the Coliseum tonight.

USC Song GIrl V for Victory

(V is for Victory Virus)

An outbreak of what is being described as a “highly contagious gastrointestinal virus” has hit the USC campus, leaving at least 75 students in the hospital for treatment. In a campus-wide email sent early Saturday morning, Professor Larwrence Neinstein, M.D warned students who do not feel well to “stay at home, take plenty of fluids, and not socialize until they are feeling better.” In regards to tonight’s game the professor states, “we would rather you watch it on television than chance infecting your fellow students.”    

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Speed Read: Time To Perform Last Rites On Cubs

Apparently, not even God can save the Cubs. The CHICAGO TRIBUNE reports that team brought in a priest to spread Holy Water on their bench before Game 1 to exorcise the demons of collapses past. But after last night’s wretched 10-3 loss to the Dodgers in Game 2, the Cubs look ready to call the priest back - this time to perform Last Rites.

Crying Cubs fan

How bad was it last night? How about every starting infielder making an error. Not the kind of night the Cubs needed when Carlos Zambrano decided to bring his less-than-A Game to the mound - more like his Z Game. The only bad news for the Dodgers was that Takashi Saito got shelled, giving up three hits and two runs without recording an out. Somehow I think the Dodgers will take the results.

Eva and Evan Longoria

In other playoff news, it turns out the Rays are pretty good after all. At least we know that Evan Longoria is. Tampa Bay’s rookie sensation became the second player in baseball history to smack homers in his first two post-season at-bats in the team’s 6-4 win over the White Sox. (The first? Gary Gaetti, now a coach with in the Rays’ farm system.) If almost-namesake Eva Longoria sent him champagne to celebrate the Rays’ playoff berth, what’s she going to get him now?

But it wasn’t all sunshine and roses in Tampa last night. As the Rays were doing something historic, the No. 10 South Florida football team was doing something familiar: getting upset on an ESPN Thursday night game. In this case it was Pittsburgh doing the honors, with Dave Wannstedt pulling of the type of victory that will somehow save his job after the team finishes 7-5.

As for other sports news, here’s what you missed while you were watching the Vice Presidential Debate and wondering if Joe Biden was wearing more make-up than Sarah Palin:

John Daly

What Chicago-area sports miracle has the best chance of happening?

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Unranked Ole Miss: “See You Later, Alligators!”

Guess you can go ahead and dub this “The Upset Special Week” in the world of collegiate pigskin. Following last Thursday’s stunning upset of the top-ranked and “33rd NFL team” USC by the vicious Beavers of Oregon State, another top 5 team got themselves knocked off by a gritty unranked team. Say goodnight, Florida Gators. Ole Miss just took your lunch money.

Ole Miss runs past Florida

(Jevan Snead dices up the Gator defense)

Yet, how did this come to pass?

Maybe the team got pumped because they were going for their 600th win in school history. Or perhaps they were enthused after seeing the two presidential candidates have a hearty debate at their own school the night before. Or maybe they all just got extra-angry once they heard the KKK was sullying up their campus.

Whatever the case, there was an extra something special in the air that let defensive lineman Kentrell Lockett jump over the hoarding mass of the Gator offensive line and block an extra point that would prove to be the game-winner.

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Oregon St. Topples Top-Ranked Trojans Yet Again

• Leave it to the Beavers: Once again, Oregon State shocks highly-ranked USC in Corvallis.

Oregon State USC

This is becoming quite a trend.

• But such a monumental upset is no comfort to OSU alum Steven Jackson, as the Rams RB is too busy lashing out at coach Scott Linehan.

Pat Summitt may be basketball’s all-time winningest coach, but the Lady Vols leader is no match when it comes to rasslin’ with raccoons.

• How melancholy is the Mariners’ clubhouse? One teammate of Ichiro openly talked about wanting to knock the Seattle star slugger out.

• Despite the Colts’ 1-2 record, Tony Dungy must still be pretty popular in Indianapolis - why else would someone return a credit card the coach left at a gas station?

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Speed Read: Is FirePeteCarroll.com Available?

Maybe Pete Carroll was right when he called the Pac-10 schedule “ridiculously difficult” - or the Trojans just had another epic meltdown against a far lesser opponent. Either way, the end result was a shocking 27-21 loss to Oregon State.  Yes, those Beavers. The same Beavers who lost to Penn State and Stanford by a combined 39 points.

Oregon State fans

You could look for goats in the game: defensive back Kevin Thomas, who let an interception in the end zone slip through his hands at the end of the first half and into the hands of James Rodgers. Or quarterback Mark Sanchez, who despite three touchdowns also threw a fourth-quarter interception that set up the eventually winning touchdown for the Beavers.

Mark Sanchez

But ultimately, blame has to go to one person: Pete Carroll. Yet again, the Trojans fell flat on their face against teams with far less talent. It’s the second time Oregon State has done it to USC, along with Stanford, UCLA…basically, any team that’s beaten USC since 2002 other than Texas.

The team came out flat and uninspired - a content, cocky team expecting to win because they were USC. (and as the LA TIMES’ FABULOUS FORUM points out, maybe celebrating a touchdown to close to 21-7 isn’t such a great idea, Ronald Johnson.) And the coaching staff was incapable of adjusting until halftime, when they had dug themselves too deep of a hole. But really, who could have seen this being anything but a Trojans blowout. Except maybe for Brooks right before the game:

I like the Beavers and the points tonight, which means I’ll be laughing in about two hours, or waist-deep into my sixth Boilermaker* at Coach & Horses around 12 bells.

…or our own Jason K. in the USC/Ohio State Live Brog two weeks ago:

“And Mark will have plenty of time to recuperate, as USC doesn’t take the field again until Thursday, September 25, when they travel to Oregon State. But remember what happened the last time the Trojans took a trip to Corvallis - a 33-31 shocker.”

Far less of a shock is that the Los Angeles Dodgers finally clinched the NL West title, thanks to the Diamondbacks’ 12-3 thumping by the Cardinals. Now Los Angeles’ notoriously fickle sports fans can forget about USC’s collapse and focus on the Dodgers in the playoffs - until they lose in four games to some team like the Cubs. But by that point, hey, isn’t the Lakers’ season starting?

The Dodgers’ clinching the NL West leaves three playoff spots to be decided: the AL Central race between the Twins and the White Sox, and the Phillies/Mets/Brewers mess for the NL East and/or Wild Card.

The Mets and the Brewers remained tied for the Wild Card, both winning in dramatic fashion: New York using a ninth-inning single by Carlos Beltran for a 6-5 victory over the Cubs, while Milwaukee knocked off the Pirates 5-1 on Ryan Braun’s two-out grand slam in the tenth. The Phillies could only sit home idle and watch their lead in the NL East shrink to one game.

Minnesota Twins celebrate

Meanwhile, the Twins and the White Sox also went ten innings. In this case, Minnesota put together a five-run rally of their own to win 7-6 to complete a series sweep of Chicago and take the AL Central lead for the first time in a month. Even worse, the White Sox seem to be imploded, as the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES reports that Orlando Cabrera seems intent on destroying team chemistry as he heads out of town.

Other late-breaking news last night, straight from the sports desk of Tank McNamara:

Eva Longoria

What was the biggest upset so far in 2008?

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