Speed Read: Merriman-Tequila Saga Gets Weirder

If all you know is that Chargers’ linebacker Shawne Merriman was arrested for choking buoyant reality diva Tila Tequila on Sunday, then you don’t know the elongated, PENTHOUSE FORUM version which just surfaced last night. This story gets quite a lot more naked, as it turns out.

Shawn Merriman, Tila Tequila

Because frankly all of this was boring me until I found out it included Merriman’s attempt to have a threesome; a drunk Tequila walking in on it; Tequila then threatening to have sex with one of Merriman’s friends; Tequila getting naked as she made this threat and attempting to run out of the house; Merriman choking her to keep her from leaving. Am I leaving anything out? Read more…

Mark Whicker Quite Unapologetic Before Apology

Mark Whicker of the ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER is in JOB-FIGHTING-LIFE mode after has Wednesday morning mail-in went off like the Unabomber authored it.

Mark Whicker Unapologetic before Apology

(I’m confused)

Wednesday night Whicker posted an apology for the piece on the Register’s website. Interestingly though, Whicker wasn’t so apologetic when he talked to Michael David Smith at AOL FANHOUSE earlier in the day about his Jaycee Dugard-included column.

Read more…

A Spectacular Mix Of Bad Taste And Sportswriting

In case you hadn’t been aware for whatever reason - nobody watching Nancy Grace in the house or anything - police recently found a woman who had been abducted as a little girl 18 years ago. Her name is Jaycee Dugard, and while in captivity, she was forced to give birth twice to two daughter who were also kept in isolated captivity. Suffice it to say that the 18 years she spent confined by suspected rapist/murderer Phillip Garrido have left deep, permanent scars on her life. Her family must be unbelievably overcome with joy to have her back, even as she deals with the nearly two decades of trauma on her life.

Jaycee Dugard
(A father finally reunited with his daughter. This calls for sports jokes!)

Fortunately, the ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER’s Mark Whicker - you’ll want to remember this name by the time you get to the end of the story, trust us - decided to appropriately honor Dugard’s return to the real world with a column today.

And by that, we mean he wrote a whimsical sports article about everything she missed called “Many odd things have happened in sports the past 18 years.” Yes, seriously. You’ll want to read on, because it only gets worse.

Read more…

OC Register Pens Piece On Victim Stokke, Then Sells Her Photos For $215 On Website

PAPER USES STOKKE PIECE TO HAWK HER PHOTO FOR $215: Allison Stokke and her lawyer father Al (a noble defender of our best and brightest), have this week set a record for becoming colossal bores faster than any other public figures in human history.

Allison Stokke

Amazingly, there’s now nothing left to write about those empty vessels - now that the two attention mongers have willingly saddled up on the electronic media circuit (here’s hoping Al can milk the “unwanted” publicity to land a permanent talking head spot on Court TV!).

Allison Stokke

All that’s left for us is this one last example of the stifling hypocrisy of the dinosaur media pandering to Allison Stokke’s fake victimhood: In an ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER story today about Stokke headlined “Unwanted Attention”, the newspaper’s website posts three photos of Stokke and gives readers the option to buy the photos of the pole vaulter for as much as $215 each (in framed, decorative mahogany)!

Allison Stokke

And it only gets better. Thanks to the OC Register you can also get a Stokke image on a mug ($16.95), Christmas ornament ($18.95) and (for that one-handed, web surfing Stokke stalker in your life), a mousepad ($14.95).

Allison Stokke

OK, I’m done now.