You might be surprised that high school football players are getting fatter. You might also be surprised that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. The signs have been obvious for years and years; whereas in the ’80s, the only comically overweight athlete on film was that center in Teen Wolf who sweated more than Patrick Ewing’s balls, now we have movies like Remember The Titans starring linemen who already have six different types of diabetes.

(NOT A REAL ATHLETE IN ANY SENSE OF THE WORD)

The BOSTON GLOBE has the wholly predictable but still depressing story detailing how America’s growing class of violently obese teenagers is turning to the one sport that makes jerseys in 5XL: football. Sure, everyone’s getting fatter, but it’s not like some 5′9″, 280 pound kid is going to run cross country. Well, he technically could. And it would technically be hilarious. Read more…