2:42 PMBucco Bruce is back in Tampa, along with those classic creamsicle uniforms. And the throwbacks seems to be helping - Bucs only down 21-17 to Green Bay at haltfime. Meanwhile, Raymond James Stadium has been playing all '70s music throughout the game.
2:33 PM The Monsters of The Midway are going through a horror show of their own right now - Chicago is down to Arizona 31-7 at the half. But will the Bears be who we thought they were by the end?
2:00 PM The new AP poll is out, and Ohio State is ranked ahead of USC, who is ranked ahead of Oregon. Um, who beat who again?
By now, you’re no doubt well aware that Ole Miss brought their #4 ranking into Columbia, South Carolina, and promptly crapped the bed in front of a nationwide audience. 16-10 against a team that had never beaten a top 5 team at home - ever - and thanks for playing kids, back to the line for the Chick-Fil-A Bowl.
(”Glad we got this out of the way, right guys? Hello?”)
Prime suspect #1 for the felony charge of “aggravated playing like ass, resulting in conference loss”? That would be Jevan Snead, quarterback wunderkind who lit the SEC on fire last year and was generally considered the best quarterback in the SEC not named Tebow. His numbers from the night? 7-21, 107 yards, 1 TD, about 10 passes that should have been intercepted (none actually were). So let’s all join Snead in a great big “WHEW.” Wait, what?
Because no battle is ever won, he said. They are not even fought. The field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools. - William Faulker, “The Sound and the Fury”
That was written by Mississippi’s “greatest author,” who I also thought was kind of overrated. Which, it turns out, could easily apply on multiple levels to the Ole Miss football team. On a national stage and with a No. 4 ranking, the Rebels completely imploded, falling 16-10 at South Carolina last night. It may or may not be true that no battle is ever won, but for Ole Miss, this one was certainly lost.
Mainly it was lost for two reasons: QB Jevan Snead had a miserable game, going 7 for 21 for 107 yards while being pressured by the Gamecocks’ defense all night. And Houston Nutt’s game plan reminded you of why he was barely a .500 coach with a backfield of Felix Jones and Darren McFadden at Arkansas. Nutt seemed unable to accept that the passing game just wasn’t working, and waited until the fourth quarter to turn to running back Dexter McLuster. He ran for 68 yards in the final quarter, but by then it was too little, too late. Read more…
On Tuesday, we brought you the story of Tennessee’s shirtless “Wild Boyz,” which sounds like the name of an “alternative” adult movie - and which looks like one, too. But despite the overwhelming shirtlessness of it all, it was still a bit, well, passive. It’s not an orgy if everyone’s just standing around; you need some action.
(But what if I don’t want to suck it?)
Fortunately, as you can see above, Mississippi State is upping the ante in the SEC. Sure, most people would balk at encouraging your rival to perform oral sex on you, especially since said rival has won 7 of the last 9 games and just got done ending your season with a 45-0 ass-kicking, but you know what? Mississippi State’s just going for it, man.
I think we know by this point that nothing good ever happens in a college town at 2:30 a.m. The best that you’re going to find is some engineering student desperately cramming for a test the next morning, and more likely than not there’s nothing but high jinx, tomfoolery, insipidity and God knows what else going on.
So when a trouble magnet like former Florida football player Jamar Hornsby - kicked off the Gators after stealing a dead student’s credit card - is out at 2:30 a.m., all bets are definitely off. The STARKSVILLE DAILY NEWS reports that Hornsby’s blown the second chance offered to him by Ole Miss, as Houston Nutt booted him on Friday following his indictment on charges stemming from a March 1 fight at a McDonald’s parking lot.
Here’s a hint to any college football hopefuls. If you’ve been dogged by questions about your academics, specifically your ability to read, it’s probably not the best idea to tell a police officer that you “can’t read.” It doesn’t reflect well on the program.
Reinforcing the worst stereotypes about Ole Miss was DT Jerrell Powe, who was ticketed by police for noise violations during a party at his apartment. When told to read the citation and sign it, Powe reportedly told the cop he couldn’t read. He says he was joking, but Houston Nutt is not amused.
You think that baseball umpires have it easy? Talk to Kerwin Danley. Actually, don’t talk to him today - he’s probably nursing one heck of a headache. Unlike me this morning, it was not as the result of a night of heavy drinking, but from a baseball bat to the back of the head. The DALLAS MORNING NEWS says that Danley was whacked by Hank Blaylock’s broken bat while working the Rangers vs. Blue Jays game, and had to go to the hospital with a possible concussion.
Please ignore the Zapruder film quality (get some video conversion software, people) and prepare to wince at footage of the incident:
Unfortunately for Danley, winding up in the hospital is getting to be a regular occurrence for him. You might remember last year when he took a 96 mph fastball to the jaw courtesy of Brad Penny.
If I were Danley, I’d avoid any home plate assignments for the rest of my career if possible. Or I’d only work from a perch about ten rows in back of home, or wearing more padding than The Michelin Man.
But also: THE KILLER BATS ARE BACK! I thought we stopped the maple bats’ raping and pillaging of the baseball world last season? Actually, I don’t know if that was a maple bat or not, but why not start the overly-heated, panicked reaction now?
Meanwhile, you might have missed this Washington Nationals bit of news because, well, they are the Nationals, but sluggers Adam Dunn and Ryan Zimmerman were forced to wear jerseys that said “Natinals” during a game last Friday. Which, as you can imagine, was a bit of an embarrassment … for Majestic Apparel, the company that makes all uniforms for MLB. (I can’t imagine the uniform gaffe caused Dunn or Zimmerman to lose their “Natinals Pride”.)
So MLB.COM says that Majestic has apologized for the mistake. They didn’t give an explanation for the error, but we can assume it’s because it was a Nationals jersey and no one cared. Apparently the Nationals’ clubhouse attendants didn’t care, since they just checked to make sure the names were spelled right on the back of the jerseys and didn’t look at the front when they opened the boxes before Opening Day. Honestly, you don’t wash those once to make it less itchy?
Finally, you have to wonder about La Salle University’s basketball recruiting process. After all, top recruit Karon Burton was supposed to be known for his speed, which led him to be named Delware County, PA’s Player of the Year this past season. But if that’s the case, how in the world did he, as the DELAWARE COUNTY DAILY TIMES says, get caught by a police officer when trying to flee on foot as cops were chasing him as part of a massive drug bust? Either someone’s scouting department sucks, or there’s a cop who should be receiving a recruiting visit.
But I’m guessing that Burton won’t be getting that scholarship anyway. He was one of 11 people arrested on Monday as part of a two-hour undercover drug sting. Police say Burton ran from a car that had tried to purchase heroin from a cop posing as a dealer, and he tried to ditch bags of pot before being chased down by the cops. But that’s better than the woman who was also arrested in the sting trying to buy heroin and cocaine - with her young daughter in the car seat in back.
Another day, another case of a South American soccer match turning into a giant brawl. SKY NEWS says this one in Argentina started after the captain of Guarani Antonio Franco (who I think was dictator of Argentina at one time) bumped into the ref. Here’s the wackiness that ensued:
Ole Miss DT Jerrell Powetold police that “he couldn’t read“ when they came over to his place about a noise complaint. The CLARION LEDGER says that Rebels head coach Houston Nutt is not pleased, especially since he’s had a history of eligibility issues with the NCAA.
Manny Pacquiao threw out the first pitch in San Francisco at the Giants’ home game against San Diego. The final verdict: more of a light jab than a knockout punch. Check it out for yourself (but don’t tell me you don’t want one of those T-shirts):
Even NASCAR is getting into the “helping the environment” business, with USA TODAY saying that for the first time, they will be using a hybrid as a pace car during the Coca-Cola 600 over Memorial Day weekend. This is what happens when the pinko leftists take over, people.
Congratulations, Blue Jackets fans: you got to see the first home playoff game in team history last night, as Columbus hosted Detroit. The bad news: THE HOCKEY NEWS reports that the Red Wings scored about one minute in and never looked back, coasting to a 4-1 win and a 3-0 series lead. But hey, you can show up tomorrow and be there to see the Blue Jackets get swept for the first time in franchise playoff history.
The LOS ANGELES TIMES says that there’s an apparent winner in the USC Trojans’ QB derby, as Pete Carroll has named sophmore Aaron Corp the starter for the spring game and through fall camp. I wonder where Mitch Mustain will transfer to next?
Finally, let’s give one last finger wag for Dikeme Mutombo, who the HOUSTON CHRONICLE says suffered a knee injury in the Rockets’ 107-103 loss to the Trail Blazers that Mutombo says is career-ending. And whom was he battling with when his knee exploded? Of course it was Greg Oden - he’s now made knee injuries viral. But let’s honor the defensive beast and great humanitarian by sexing someone tonight.
