For some reason, people care that Chad Johnson recently changed his name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco. Fans cite this as more proof that Mr. Ocho Cinco is an egotistical jerk only interested in self-promotion. Maybe, but I’m not sure adding the Spanish words for “eight” and “five” to your driver’s license suddenly means you haven’t always been a narcissist.

Presumably, Johnson made Ocho Cinco his legal name because it’s decidedly lucrative; he’ll get a percentage of each new “Ocho Cinco” jersey sold. Whatever, the NFL has decided to play along and will allow the wide receiver formerly known as Johnson to go forth and wreak havoc.

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• Tatum Bell, recently of the Detroit Lions, thought it would be hilarious to steal the bags of the guy who replaced him on the roster. Apparently, he didn’t count on the team having surveillance cameras. Either that or he’s just stupid.

• Rockies manager Clint Hurdle hates the Dodgers because … well, I have no idea. Seems like a lot of energy to waste on a team that won the NL West one time this decade.

• Toronto Argonauts wide receiver Arland Bruce III breaks out quite possibly the most arbitrary touchdown celebration in the history of tackle football: he donned a Spider-Man mask. Chad Javon Ocho Cinco is unimpressed.

• This makes sense: Ben Gordon, Chicago Bulls guard and British citizen might consider playing in Russia for the right price. It’s all very urbane. Or maybe he’s just trying to make a few extra bucks on his NBA deal.

• Good news: Floyd Mayweather Jr. is giving away $100,000. Bad news: it’s a reward for information leading to the recovery of $7 million worth of his stolen jewelry. Read more…

I’ve never been able to get a read on Chad Johnson. He’s the sort of outsized personality that most football fans usually loathe, but Johnson — thanks to success on the field and an endearing edge to his antics — has always been able to get away with whatever he wants. Until this offseason.

The past six months have seen Johnson go from Cincinnati cult hero to outcast, which makes him just like Batman, though Batman has less elaborate costumes. Johnson spent most of his spring complaining about being on the Bengals and insisting they find a way to move him. And last night, if only for one night, Ohco Cinco got his wish.

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Emotionally combustible wide receiver Chad Johnson has already made plenty of noise this season. First, he demanded to be traded. Then he caved on his own demands. Then he threatened to bring Dade County on the general populace.

But now — according to Michael David Smith at PFT — he is going to make everyone remember him and his number 85 forever. And no, he is not getting one of those hip new skull tatts that are all the rage now. Instead, he is going to legally change his name to “Ocho Cinco”. Thank you, Jebus.

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Yesterday, the highly-litigated Cincinnati Bengals took time out from their practice to welcome a true American hero onto the field: Army Sgt. Michael Garvin.

Garvin has been on two tours of Iraq, the second cut short because of a pesky IED. He’s faced down live grenades, rocket launchers and camouflaged enemy combatants, but nothing shows his amazing testicular fortitude like having the guts to name one of your own sons after a Bengal.

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