AD to Floyd: ‘You need to get your ass back to LA’

The NEW ORLEANS TIMES-PICAYUNE reports that’s what Tim Floyd claims USC Athletic Director Mike Garrett said to him after news of Floyd’s alleged $1,000 payment to Rodney Guillory (to ensure O.J. Mayo’s USC commit) hit the media in May.

Mike Garrett Tim Floyd OJ Mayo

(Mike Garrett: modicum of professionalism while under fire)

USC has since self-imposed significant sanctions on its basketball program because of NCAA violations the school claims happened on Floyd’s watch.  Floyd though now says he did nothing wrong and that he left because of Garrett’s decided lack of interpersonal skills.

What’s more entertaining, Garrett’s delightfully consistent buffoonry or Floyd’s blanket denial after the school he was coaching punished itself?!

Good times.

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Speed Read: End Of The Road For Chris Chelios?

In case you hadn’t noticed, and after these many years it’s okay if you hadn’t, Chris Chelios has been around forever. For-eh-vur. The 47-year-old has literally spent a majority of his life as a player in the NHL, breaking into the league with Montreal during the 1983-84 season. Yeah, back when “Jump” was the hot new sound from Van Halen. That’s how long dude’s been around.

Chris Chelios Weightlifting
(Of course he stuck around this long because of hard work. What did you expect? Prayer?)

And while injuries and the unrelenting assault of time on an aging man’s body have kept Chelios from the legendary Gordie Howe’s all-time record in games played and other marks of longetivity, Chelios is still a colossal freak of nature. Look no further than at (it bears repeating) the age of 47, Chelios is finally being released by the Detroit Red Wings. As the DETROIT NEWS reports, though, he still might not be done:

General manager Ken Holland met with Chelios Monday afternoon and, as expected, gave him the news Chelios will not be re-signed.

“It was kind of understood last summer, after Cheli signed, that the 2008-09 season would be the last one for Cheli as a Red Wing,” said Holland, noting the need for the Wings to bring in younger players. “He wants to play another season and I believe he can still play.”

Perhaps Chelios has a year or two left in him as a swan song in Chicago, or maybe he wants to see if he can hit 50 in an NHL uniform, a stunning accomplishment that really has zero bearing on the world at large. Don’t get us wrong, most guys don’t make it to 30 in the league, much less tack two more entire decades on the odometer, but at no point is Chelios ever going to be a catalyst for great things anymore.

Which is fine, of course. Guys stick around in professional athletics for a few years too many on a regular basis, and few (if any) have earned the privilege as much as Chelios. It’s just that at this point, the list of teams who might pick him up are those who really don’t even need the help to begin with.

Speaking of Chris Chelios (WARNING: this segue makes no sense), let’s talk about women fighting each other. You might remember last week where Cris “Cyborg” Santos choked out a reporter who foolishly questioned her ability to finish a submission move against a fighter, y’know, like how real men do. Well, being that Santos is going to fight SbB favorite Gina Carano in Carano’s post-EliteXC return to the Octagon, one display of lady-on-gentleman brutality can’t go unreturned before the fight, right? Right:

Nighty nighty, talker man. The question isn’t where are you, as Santos’ victim asked when he came back to Earth, but what are you: that would be lucky as hell, lucky that someone strong enough to turn the lights out with such ease also possesses the capacity for mercy, which is pretty much the only thing that has saved your brain’s regular functions.

If ladychoking is the next salvo fired in the War on Equality, then so be it, because strong women are clearly capable of winning that fight against weak men. And sure, a man can still probably choke out a woman, but anyone willing to make that case, even hypothetically, probably isn’t someone worth your time in conversation. Avoid accordingly.

Last, speaking of choking, let’s talk about USC. In the wake of Tim Floyd’s shame-splattered resignation and allegations of selective rule enforcement in the case of Reggie Bush, former Heisman hero and current athletic director Mike Garrett demands to be judged by his record and his legacy. For example, he hired Pete Carroll. Also, he hired, um… uh…

Pete Carroll USC Song Girls
(The Song Girls aren’t really hired, per se, so that doesn’t count. The white-haired guy in the middle does, though.)

Turns out, as the LOS ANGELES TIMES points out, he doesn’t exactly have a track record of success to fall back on, despite his boasts. So while Carroll’s hire is to Garrett as the Emancipation Proclamation is to Abraham Lincoln (seriously, Abe, what else did you accomplish, other than monopolizing the top hat?*), the rest of the resume seems to be, ahem, lacking. The worst hire, in retrospect, seems to be Floyd, who may have crippled the Trojans’ basketball program for years to come in order to secure one year of service from O.J. Mayo. And let’s hope that mistake doesn’t happen again…

Who’s the next big star from O.J. Mayo’s family?

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So above all else, Garrett’s resume suggests that success is but a random decision away, a call to be made by livestock choosing to address one of several piles of food, each festooned with a different logo. Blew it on that up-and-coming coach from Southwestern State back in 2003? Hey, what can you do; Ernie the Carnivorous Pheasant clearly indicated he was due by way of which chum pile he devoured, and in any case, we saved the $12 million a barely-competent would have demanded over those same six years.

Some extra links to consider while you keep the horse off the launchpad…

  • J.R. Smith and Eddy Curry were apparently webcasting online as they were pulled over for the all-too-common D.W.B., as INSIDE HOOPS reports. No charges were filed and no video seems to exist, which is precisely why you’re reading about it here and not blaring at the top of a morning post. [UPDATE: Smith’s unequivocally calling bullfeathers on the story, though it seems so oddly specific we’re not sure why they would make any of that up.]
  • OPPOSITE DAY: The worst GM in at least the last 30 years, Steve Phillips, is allowed to make assertions about baseball that go routinely unchallenged. This is like giving Karl Rove his own political column… oh wait.
  • A word to Texas baseball coach Augie Garrido: there are many, many opportunities for somebody to make self-deprecating jokes to the press. A recent DUI arrest and your mugshot, for example would probably not be the best opportunity to do so. Just something to keep in mind going forw–well, I see we’re too late.
  • Joakim Noah will join Mickael Pietrus and Jean-Shaquille L’Oneal (we made up the last one, of course, but not the first two) on the French national team for upcoming international play. Vince Carter was seem chuckling, sizing up Noah’s dimensions, and dialing his time machine back to 2000. It’s been a while since he abused a giant Frenchman, you see, and these desires just never seem to go away after you indulge them once.

  • Tony Hawk got to visit the White House, then skateboard through it. And you know what? You can do the exact same thing if you spend 20 years getting famous for being better at one thing than anyone else in the world, and no, we’re not talking about what you do three times a day whenever the wife’s not around. In that case, practice makes pervert. Now pull up your pants and keep reading.
  • No, University of Illinois, Ron Santo was not trying to get into med school (not as anything but a discount-level test dummy; get some toes, then we can talk full price).
  • Bet you don’t know who just beat out Jason Jennings for the franchise lead for most victories. Did you guess Aaron Cook? Well, you probably cheated.
  • Some eight-grader does a flip and throws the basketball in a hoop from almost a full court. This is actually less related to competitive basketball than dunk contests, which we didn’t even think was possible.

(What’s next, trying to shoot it out of a cannon into a hoop? What does this have to do with actual basketball? God, we’re old.)

*We’re addressing him in the first person because we have it on good authority that Abe Lincoln and other dead Presidents read SbB with astonishing regularity in the afterworld. Heaven has great wi-fi. Which seems appropriate, if you think about it; how good could heaven really be if the wireless sucked?

Reason To Be Skeptical Of New USC Allegations?

When news broke this week that Tim Floyd personally handed money over to O.J. Mayo’s handler to help seal the deal to make him a Trojan, no one really batted an eye. Because, after all, it’s USC. Any hints of shady business are just taken as gospel.

O.J. Mayo and Tim Floyd

But shouldn’t more people be questioning the latest allegations, when the motives of the source — to say nothing of the facts themselves — are more than a little dodgy? One of Mayo’s USC teammates has some serious questions.

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Blog Jam: Joe Theismann Expresses Love for TMZ

• TMZ may have just found their new spokesman in Joe Theismann.

Joe Theisman 80s hair & chair

• BASEBALL THINK FACTORY knew it was only a matter of time before some minor league team would schedule an “A-Rod & Madonna Night“.

• The L.A. DAILY BREEZE blows along news that the Clippers are actually out acquiring more talent, this time digging up Marcus Camby from the Nuggets.

• Can’t get a basketball scholarship? The LOS ANGELES TIMES learns that’s not a problem for Chace Stanback, since his mom just won $25,000 playing an online game.

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O.J. Mayo Received (Yawn) Gifts & Cash At USC?

You guys aren’t gonna believe this, so you better sit down. Are you sitting down?

OJ Mayo Cash

Yeah, well, here goes: O.J. Mayo might have received gifts and cash during his one year of playing basketball at Southern Cal. In other words, O.J. Mayo played one year of basketball at USC. Read more…

Hold The Mayo: O.J. Sticking Around At USC?

Standout USC guard O.J. Mayo said after a big win yesterday against Stanford that “so far” he is planning on sticking around for a sophomore season instead of jumping to the NBA. He also very much enjoys the ladies of Southern California so far (that’s just my guess).

O.J. Mayo USC Basketball

INSIDE USC has the words from the man who would be king.

‘So far, I’ll be back next year. Classes-wise I’m scheduling for summer school in the next two weeks. So far, I’ll be returning.’ Mayo was asked what would cause him to change his mind? ‘I don’t know. I think it’s kind of selfish to worry about what I’m going to do next year. We had a great win here against Stanford and we’re trying to get ready for the Pac-10 Tournament.’” Read more…

Taking The USC Trojans Envy Thing To Next Level

Tom Hoffarth of the LOS ANGELES DAILY NEWS has a fine find with these UCLA-themed condoms:

UCLA Condoms

They are the creation of Angeleno and UCLA alum Mike Filonczuk, who is trying to market the product to retail outlets (including the UCLA health center). No word if he’s working on an endorsement deal with UCLA freshman center Kevin Love.

The back of the box is the best, as Filonczuk cautions users about a UCLA-derived disease.

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