Speeding is, depending on who you ask, either the scourge of road safety or the most overenforced law on the books. There’s no middle ground here, because there’s no middle ground anywhere in American discourse anymore. Actually, the two possibilities aren’t mutually exclusive; maybe it’s both. Anyway.

(Hey, speeders! Take your eyes off the road and read this! Err, wait, that’s not going to help anything.)

In Durham, NC - home of the Durham Bulls, Duke Blue Devils, and North Carolina Central Eagles - residents are starting to fall squarely in the “scourge of road safety” camp. Understandably, then, they were upset when local police began cutting back on programs designed to curb speeding. Upset enough to take enforcement into their own hands in a move that’s either spectacularly brilliant or spectacularly dumb.

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Here’s Nancy Griffin, a member of the City of Raleigh (NC) men’s tennis league. Yeah, some time ago she stopped playing in the women’s league because there was no real competition for her there. But when she signed up for the men’s ladder and began kicking their asses, feathers started ruffling. She suddenly found that a lot of the men were finding reasons they couldn’t play her.

“God says it’s a sin to play against wom … um, I mean, I just remembered I forgot to groom my water buffalo. Sorry.” Tiring of this, and smarting from a new league policy that lets players reschedule to avoid meeting her on the court, Griffin is fighting back the American way; by suing the city. Read more…

• Florida Panthers exec Uri Man shows what kind of man he his by hitting on Fox News anchor Ainsley Earhardt during an on-air interview.

• Bud Selig softening on Pete Rose Hall of Fame ban? Don’t bet on it.

• Ladies & gentlemen, your 2009-10 Sacramento Kings Dance Team!

• And the Jeremy Mayfield meth mess goes on: NASCAR says they have witnesses that saw him do the drug.

• Just because “Zorn” rhymes with “porn”, that doesn’t mean the Redskins coach has ever wanted to seen any.

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Imagine that you’re out for a leisurely bike ride with the wife and kid. Oh, the kid’s only three years old, so he’s in one of those attachable seat things. That seems like a perfectly normal, innocuous scenario; only people with the most effed-up imaginations would conclude it with taking a bullet to the head from a total stranger.

(Oh, did we mention that this guy shows up in your scenario? That’s important, because you’re going to need to account for things going horribly and insanely wrong at some point.)

That’s precisely what happened to one Asheville, NC, man, though. One driver thought he was putting his kid in danger by biking on a busy road. Apparently, he decided that what the conversation really needed was a demonstration of what’s really unsafe.

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I gotta tell you, the only bounty hunters I know anything about are Duane “Dog” Chapman and Boba Fett, but an ex-NFL player who got into the business after retiring from the league has found himself in trouble.

As any “Dog” viewer can tell you, a bail bondsman is authorized to apprehend a client who skips out on their court obligations. You are not, however, allowed to pistol-whip your client upside his head repeatedly to the point that he needs 15 staples to close the wound, as Vinson Smith is accused of doing.

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(Athleticism in action)

The Larry Brown Invitational continues with Kansas against North Carolina. Both Bill Self and Roy Williams have ordered their players to have fun tonight in a vain attempt to get them to relax. Tyler Hansbrough’s anus probably hasn’t unclenched since the third grade. No wonder he always looks like he will explode.

Hey, that’s an auspicious start if I ever saw one.

Again, Brooks is at the contest and will send reports as long as his phone survives. Unlike the other Alamo denizens, he’ll keep his powder dry and save his ammo until he’s needed. (Also, he looks great in a coonskin cap.)
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Could we please check with NCAA officials to make sure all four teams Saturday night received the same schedule of events? This seems to have been a problem all week, what with all the blowouts. One team gets notice to show up for a game at an appointed time and the other team has a schedule that asks them to appear at a rubber chicken dinner at the hotel at the same time.

(Are you sure this schedule is right? I don’t think we’re supposed to carry the Olympic torch tonight.)

Is it too much to ask the printing vendor to tell UCLA the game starts at 6:30ish ET without telling Xavier to be at the Scottsdale Hilton at 6:45 for the presentation of the “Nice Try, Kids; Better Luck Next Year” award?

By the time Xavier realized they’d been caught on “Candid Camera” and raced over to the arena, it was too late. UCLA had already throttled the empty Xavier jerseys 76-57. (It would have been worse except for UCLA’s 10 first-half turnovers.)

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• READERS DIGEST has the Barbaro piece you may or may not have been waiting all winter to read.

• Brooks sits down with Jorge Sedano of 790 AM THE TICKET

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BUICK-BRANDED GOLF CARTS PROBABLY NOT NEXT FOR TW: The AP reports “Tiger Woods made it official Tuesday — the world’s No. 1 golfer plans to design his first American course in the mountains of North Carolina.”

The fun part: The Cliffs course at High Carolina “will allow only walkers, something Woods said was key to the deal.”

Woods’ reasoning for cart crack down? He “hopes the course gives golfers a chance to connect with nature.”

After the trauma of endorsing various Buick products over the years, who came blame Woods for having an acute aversion to oldster vehicles anywhere near the links?

Ninety seconds of a speech by Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels was played over the PA system before a North Carolina high school soccer game.

Painfully ignorant NCHSAA spokesman Rick Strunk commented on the incident:

“It’s one thing if someone uses the N-word on the field… To use the PA (to play a Hitler speech) is another thing entirely. It’s really hard to fathom in this day and time.”

Somebody get George Allen on the phone. I’ve found his next job opportunity.