PETROS OVERDOSE: KMPC-AM midday host Petros Papadakis in Los Angeles said that if he had gone to Indianapolis to cover the Final Four (which he didn’t), he wouldn’t have wanted to hang out with fellow KMPC-AM host Mark Willard - who is in Indianapolis.

Papadakis: "I’d rather hang out with someone that has Hepatitis C and seven open wounds. And I’d give that person a long embrace and wear his football mouthpiece before I’d hang out with Mark Willard."

USCer Papadakis on the bandwagoning UCLA fans’ method of postgame celebration: "Round of Zima’s for the whole gang at Maloney’s in Westwood! Mike’s Hard Lemonade? Orange Whip? Anyone?"

Papadakis on Dodger-sign Nomar Garciaparra going on the disabled list on opening day: "He’s a ho."

In addition to his blowtorch bluster (which will soon be featured in L.A. WEEKLY), Papadakis’ show is the first (and only) to feature the Artic Monkeys.

For the sanitized, corduroy-wearing version of Papadakis, watch his Spike TV show "Pros vs. Joes."

Never thought you’d see the day when a video game manufacturer would promote an upcoming release by demonstrating how Nomar Garciaparra reacts after getting beaned in the head?

Guess again (left video).

Nomar’s probably not the best candidate for this, but doesn’t everyone start his baseball video game season by nailing a nemesis in the noggin? I know I’ve added a few lumps to Manny Ramirez’s empty cranium before the Northeast snow has melted.

The WUSA women’s pro soccer league shut down yesterday - and there’s at least one man that couldn’t be happier.

The BOSTON HERALD reported before the league announcement that WUSA Washington Freedom player Mia Hamm "want(ed) to be traded" to the Boston Breakers so she could be closer to her fiance, Nomar Garciaparra.

Bosox fans accusing Nomar Garciaparra of phoning it on occasion are right on the money. Garciaparra is now featured on a recorded message welcoming passengers (audio link) when they phone Logan International Airport in Boston. The recent rumors of the Dodgers trading for Garciaparra could mean a huge endorsment windfall for the Whitter, California native. I’ve heard the folks at "In-N-Out" Burger here in SoCal are ready to offer millions for a randy recorded message at their drive-thrus - and they’ve been eyeing Nomar.

Must be comforting for Nomah to know that when he retires, he’ll have gig waiting for him: As a Time-Life Operator.
Garciaparra’s teammates must love having him around. No more blowing a whole day-off during the season searching the stores for their favorite gear to buy. Or surfing all over the ‘net trying to make the perfect purchase.
Nope, just bust out the plastic, phone Nomie and you’re set. Nomar’s next move: Major negotiations for a hefty bump in his commission rate.

The Cubs eagerly await August 5, the day Nomar Garciaparra, Kerry Wood, and Scott Williamson return to the active roster.BR />And well they should; it’s been nearly 3 months since Dusty Baker has had a complete cache of weapons with which to destroy himself.BR />

The PEORIA JOURNL-STAR reports a record crowd of 9,004 attended Wednesday’s Single-A Midwest League Peoria Chiefs game against the Dayton Dragons, the first rehab start for Nomar Garciaparra.
No word yet if the Devil Rays will petition the cubs to allow Nomar to also rehab at their home games.

The CHICAGO SUN-TIMES reports there are rumors that Mia Hamm and Nomar Garciaparra are having a baby.
That makes two that Mia will have to nurse.

Cardinals’ shortstop David Eckstein, a player all but left for dead after last season by the Angels has, astonishingly, only missed on 4% of his swings so far this season, by far the best such percentage in the majors. This achievement may finally lead to Eckstein shedding the annoying adjective “scrappy,” which has attached to his name the way “Panamanian strongman” once stuck to Manuel Noriega’s. Seriously- out of the shortstop roulette engaged in last year among the Red Sox, Cubs, Cardinals, Angels, and Expos/Nationals, who’d have thought the best player to come out of it in ‘05 would be not Edgar Renteria, Nomar Garciaparra, or Orlando Cabrera, but David Eckstein?

The BOSTON GLOBE reports that Mike Connolly became the first person to sustain an injury by a batted ball hit into the new seats above Fenway’s Green Monster.

A batting practice blast plunked Connolly and broke his nose. After receiving medical attention, Connolly stayed for the game and was presented "the offending baseball," complete with Nomar Garciaparra autograph.

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DID JIM NANTZ LEAVE PAT O’BRIEN ON-AIR MESSAGE? Middayers Bob and Dan of KTCK-AM in Dallas sniff out an apparent on-air message subtly sent by Jim Nantz during CBS’ TV coverage of The Masters. (story link)

Nantz, in what may have been a message to his former (and now-disgraced) CBS colleague Pat O’Brien, twice prominently mentioned the name of Chris DiMarco’s caddy, Pat O’Brien, during the broadcast.

Nantz/Pat O’Brien Reference #1: "There’s his caddy. … PAT O’BRIEN is his caddy’s name." (audio link)

Nantz/Pat O’Brien Reference #2: (audio link): "There’s DiMarco with his caddy, who has been with him since 1999, Pat O’Brien. Pat is trying to find a way to stoke his player … and get him going." (audio link)

Fred Roggin on KMPC-AM in Los Angeles this week further stoked O’Brien’s fiery fall when talking about O’Brien’s failed marriage: "I believe that he (O’Brien) was engaged in a … sharing kind of lifestyle."

Earlier this week, Letterman produced a commercial-spoof touting the New York Yankees off-season signings: "Hey Yankee fans, 2004 is going to be the best season yet!

"So come on down next spring and welcome the newest bombers: Gary Sheffield, Javier Vasquez, Kevin Brown, Randy Johnson, Alex Rodriguez, Nomar Garciaparra, Vladimir Guerrero, Pedro Martinez, Barry Bonds, Albert Pujols, Jim Thome, Carlos Delgado, the entire infield of the Yomiuri Giants and your new designated hitter, Ted Williams’ frozen head. See you at the ballpark."

Part of Letterman’s "Top Ten Other Observations Made By Saddam Hussein’s Daughter":

#6) "My dad isn’t as screwed as the New York Giants."