Speed Read: ESPN Pulls Its Punches With WWE

If you’ve watched ESPN for more than five minutes this week, you know that last night was the season premiere of “E:60″, ESPN’s version of “60 Minutes,” and the featured story was a “rare, behind-the-scenes” look at the WWE and a profile of Vince McMahon. Jeremy Schaap was sent out to watch as the organization prepared for Wrestlemania.

Vince McMahon at Chris Benoit special on Raw

The choice of reporters makes sense - McMahon is notoriously volatile with cable TV reporters and diminutive hosts alike, while Schaap is best known for not being as good as his Dad (in the opinion of Bobby Knight). And because of the controversy which always surrounds the WWE, there were a litany of hard-hitting questions that Schaap could have asked - questions that other reporters either didn’t know to ask or wouldn’t.

So what was the end result? If you guessed “a 13 minute long sloppy wet kiss to Vince McMahon from your friends at ESPN,” you win an autographed 8 x 10 of Mean Gene Okerlund. Because what Schaap and the E:60 crew put together was - at best - shockingly lax reporting bordering on the type of fawning, hands-off “journalism” you would expect from “Access Hollywood.”

Don’t believe me? Watch it for yourself, and pay attention to all the times Schaap completely whiffs on asking a tough question, or when he does, how it’s set up as the perfect softball for McMahon to nail over the fence. I would suggest making a drinking game of it, but this is a morning post and I don’t want people to get too plastered to go to work today.

Apparently in ESPN’s world, Owen Hart’s death never happened, and the XFL was just a figment of my imagination. And even the “tough issues” they touched on were either brushed over or poorly handled.

For example, let’s look at the segment on Chris Benoit. First off, Schaap mentions McMahon’s federal steroids trial and his own admission of steroid use, but never actually asks him a question about it. And he doesn’t follow up on the WWE’s “Wellness Policy” - which has been highly criticized in the industry - other than to say “why do you need one at all?” and give McMahon a perfect opportunity to play the role of the caring boss who only wants the best for his employees.

Of course, getting sidetracked into steroid talk overlooks significant issues in the Benoit case, like how much Benoit’s history of multiple concussions might have rattled his brain to the point of no return, or how the WWE’s insane travel schedules with almost no time off can crack anyone. (They did briefly mention the WWE’s treatment of wrestlers as “contractors”, but again they didn’t ask McMahon directly about it, or any of his current roster.)

Which makes me wonder: just how much did ESPN have to give up in order to get the “exclusive” access to the WWE? It sure seemed like there was a whole list of questions that were off-limits, or at least not fully explored. I think the level of “exclusive” access ESPN received is best summed up by the fact that they were kicked out of the weekly WWE production meeting midway through because they were hitting on something Vince McMahon didn’t want to share.

But I’m sure that Schaap would argue the point tooth and nail with me…except that I read this interview with him about his profile of the WWE, and he basically admits that this was a softball piece:

I think our interview is very different and it revealed a different side of him. I didn’t go into it and put him on the defensive. We asked him the tough questions - you have to ask him the tough questions and he addressed them but he didn’t get defensive or angry as you’ve seen him in previous interviews because he understood we were approaching it from a perspective of giving him a chance and treated him with the respect that you would treat Paul Tagliabue or Roger Goodell now or Gary Bettman or George Steinbrenner. I’ve seen George Steinbrenner interviewed over the years many times - not recently of course because he has not been well - but George Steinbrenner is a guy who, with all due respect, is a felon. A guy who was kicked twice out of major league baseball, once for committing federal felonies, once for hiring a known extortionist and ex-con to dig up dirt on his best player Dave Winfield and yet, have you ever hear anybody interview George Steinbrenner on TV or in a press conference or any situation as rudely as sometimes Vince McMahon has been treated?

Good lord…sounds to me like Schaap is angling for a spot as a guest ring announcer at next year’s Wrestlemania. Have fun with that. Simply embarrassing - someone wake the ESPN Ombudsperson from her slumber and have her try to explain this to me.

Knee injuries in girls

Also needing to do a better job of explaining things: sports medicine expert Dr. Robin West, who was interviewed by the NBC Nightly News for a look at the rise of knee injuries among young athletes (surprise - they are being pushed too hard too soon by overbearing parents). In a Web exclusive, Dr. West talks about why female athletes are especially at risk for ACL injuries, and why menstruation might be a factor. Or not.

This is about as confusing as Newt Gingrich trying to explain why women can’t serve on the front lines in the military because they get “infections” once a month. So having a period makes athletes more susceptible to knee injuries? Got it. And goes a long way to explain so much about Tom Brady. ZING!

(Also, I question giving anything the title “Knees: The Achilles Heel of Girls’ Sports.” Wouldn’t the Achilles heel be the Achilles heel of girls sports? Unless women don’t have an Achilles heel - let me check my copy of “Our Bodies, Ourselves” and get back to you.)

Lastly, the computer the NFL uses to create its schedules - which I suspect has a computing power somewhere between the evil machine from “War Games” and Hal from “2001″ - finally spit something out last night for the rest of us to ponder. Among the teams cursing the results, according to THE SPORTING NEWS, are the Bucs, Panthers and Dolphins, while somehow the Steelers wound up with a relatively pothole-free schedule. Go ahead and start the conspiracy theories now.

Other stories that happened last night as you tried to come up with a worse way to die than being crushed by a palm tree:

  • It looks like TBS has found its baseball version of Charles Barkley, as they have announced the signing of David Wells as studio analyst for their MLB coverage. Much like Barkley, he’s fat, frequently in trouble and has a loud mouth. I’m sure he’ll mesh well with Cal Ripken.
  • david wells dodgers

  • You might remember a few weeks ago when members of the Oregon basketball team were accused of some Duck-on-duck crimes. The EUGENE REGISTER-GUARD reports that as punishment for shooting at ducks at a local park, head coach Ernie Kent has ordered the players to work at a local humane society.
  • The SPOKESMAN-REVIEW says that Washington State might be done with football players Romeo Pellum and Micheal Willis, after they were arrested early Saturday morning on separate driving charges (suspended license and DUI, respectively). At least they were able to save head coach Paul Wulff having to drive over to the jail twice to pick them up - how thoughtful.
  • According to the AP, Asian Football Confederation president Mohamed bin Hammam threatened to “cut off the head” of the leader of the Korean Football Association in a recent interview, which sort of irritated the Koreans. I can’t imagine why.
  • Speaking of soccer, Chelsea and Liverpool had one of the craziest games in recent memory yesterday during the second leg of their UEFA Champions League quarterfinal, with the game ending in a 4-4 draw and Chelsea advancing on a 7-5 aggregate. The LOS ANGELES TIMES has the blow-by-blow.
  • Don’t really know much about Masters champion and now two-time major winner Angel Cabrera? This piece in the SAN DIEGO UNION-TRIBUNE will change that, and give you a new appreciation of just where he’s come from - he’s no silver spoon, well-bred golfer.
  • New Jersey has just built a new state-of-the-art arena for the Devils and also upgrading the Meadowland’s Izod Center, the home of the Nets which is just eight miles away. As the NEWARK STAR-LEDGER notes, some people are wondering if this money could be put to slightly better use.
  • Apparently in Wisconsin, you can’t have junior hockey without booze, which is why the JANESVILLE GAZETTE says that Janesville City Council had to vote to allow the local ice rink to sell alcohol. The City Council did need to look up wine coolers online as part of their debate, making me wonder what self-respecting drunk hockey dad would be caught dead with a wine cooler?
  • The Mets opened Citi Field in ignomious fashion, with a 6-5 loss to the Padres. So it’s probably for the best that, as NEWSDAY reports, many fans weren’t able to see the game thanks to “obstructed view” seats.
  • Least surprising story of the baseball season so far: MLB.COM says Nomar Garciaparra left the Oakland A’s game against the Red Sox after one inning with soreness in his calf muscle.

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Speed Read: McAllister’s Car Dealership A Lemon

You have to feel bad for Deuce McAllister. The two-time Pro Bowler who might be the greatest running back in New Orleans Saints history (sorry, Dalton Hilliard) was cut by the team a few weeks ago, a victim of the salary cap and the Saints’ continued belief that Reggie Bush is an every down back.

Deuce McAllister

And it appears that McAllister is a victim of harsh economic realities in more ways than one. It seems that Deuce has several business interests, including Deuce McAllister Nissan in Jackson, Mississippi. As you might have heard, the US auto market is in freefall mode, and McAllister’s dealership is no exception: The JACKSON CLARION-LEDGER is reporting the dealership is filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, as Nissan is looking to recover almost $7 million owed to them.

Deuce McAllister Nissan

How badly have sales slumped? Deuce McAllister Nissan sold 107 cars in February 2008. Last month they sold 28. And these are Nissans, cars that people actually want, not Fords or Chevys. McAllister was also a victim of bad timing, as he expanded the dealership just as the market tanked.

Not only does Nissan say McAllister’s dealership owes him $6.9 million, but they also claim that it exceeded its credit limit by more than $1.6 million. Which makes me wonder - shouldn’t someone at Nissan have done something when the dealership exceeded it’s credit line by, oh, say, $1 million? If I am one day late with a credit card payment, I’m getting hounded by phone calls.

Matt Vasgersian

Meanwhile, Matt Vasgersian’s potty mouth has gotten him into trouble again. Back in 2007 while working as the play-by-play voice for the Padres, he was caught making a (what he thought was off-air) expletive-laden tirade against St. Louis Cardinals fans and the city. Matt’s now the main studio host for the MLB Network, and as SHARAPOVA’S THIGH says, last night he had a slightly unprofessional (and NSFW) reaction to confusing Fernando Valenzuela and Fernando Vina:

If this is going to be what the MLB Network is all about, I might be more inclined to tune in. More swearing, less replays of Game 3 of the 2008 World Series, please.

Finally, the BBC says that a man has been arrested and charged with breaking into Manchester United player Darren Fletcher’s home and threatening his fiancee at knifepoint. Here’s the frightening part: this is believed to be the 14th soccer player from Manchester and the Merseyside area who has been attacked in the past three years. No wonder Cristiano Ronaldo was so eager to leave.

More sports stories to read while you wait for cops to arrive to handle the emergency of your missing McNuggets:

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Rockies Manager Hurdle: “I just hate the Dodgers”

Clint Hurdle is all that is wrong with this country. The Rockies manager told the DENVER POST that he abhors the Dodgers, which is as un-American as hating the Dallas Cowboys, or Peter King speaking ill of Brett Favre.

Clint Hurdle

I thought that despising the Los Angeles baseball team that actually plays in LA was a right reserved for Jeff Kent (and, eventually, Manny Ramirez, because that’s his shtick), but apparently anybody can do it.

Read more…

Garciaparra Complains About DNA; Or Was It DLA?

Nomar Garciaparra was born to be hurt.

Nomar Garciaparra Gollotta

Not exactly, but close. Tony Jackson of the L.A. DAILY NEWS reports that after Garciaparra recently consulted a physical therapist, he claimed to the reporter that he was genetically predisposed to being a slow healer. Read more…

Nomar-As-Seacrest? Finally Dodger Role That Fits

It’s a doozy of a question: how do you make your new teammate feel welcome, especially one from a very different place? The Los Angeles Dodgers faced just such a conundrum with the arrival of Hiroki Kuroda from the Hiroshima Toyo Carp on a three-year away pass. Bake him a cake? A banner over his cubicle? Team movie night with the Michael Keaton vehicle Gung Ho?

Dodgers American Idol

Of course not. There’s only one way to make Kuroda feel at home: karaoke, American style!

Read more…

Julie Foudy Has Breast Feeding Vision Of Mia Hamm

FUTURE MOM MIA HAMM CAN FINALLY USE HER HANDS: Julie Foudy and Mia Hamm know each other pretty darn well. They played together on the Women’s U.S. National Soccer team for 18 years, retiring together in 2004 (and in since probably you missed it, Tuesday they were inducted together in the National Soccer Hall of Fame).

Mia Hamm Nomar Garciaparra Photos

Foudy, now an ESPN analyst who gave birth to a daughter in January, is preparing Hamm (a.k.a. Mrs. Nomar Garciaparra), who is expecting twins in mid-April, for motherhood:

I told her, `I can’t wait to see you breast-feeding double-fisted.’ It’s challenging enough with one.”

Mia Hamm Twins Photos

Yeah, it’ll be difficult for Hamm, since everyone knows she already has one mouth to feed.

Juan Pierre to Become Most Overpaid CF of All Time

After signing Nomar Garciaparra to play 80 games for $18.5M, the LA Dodgers plan to pay Juan Pierre about $154,000 per steal over five years.

Pierre is one of the worst center fielders in the league with the 29th ranked OPS (.727) and a popgun arm that makes Johnny Damon look like Vladimir Guerrero.

Juan Pierre Caught Stealing


BUT he’s successful on nearly 75% of his steal attempts, which makes him worth every penny… if you’re Joe Morgan.

SI \’S SOCCER HOTTIES FEATURE HAMM SCAM

TOOL’S BOX: This week’s soccer wives gallery is brought to you by SPORTS ILLUSTRATED.

Nomar Garciaparra Mia Hamm


It’s an extremely anemic effort, featuring a measly ten photos and somehow including this.

The SI traffic-grab-attempt also failed to feature the hottest soccer spouse on the planet:


Valentina Liguori Zambrotta


Valentina Ligouri (wife of Italia’s Zambrotta).

The NEWARK STAR-LEDGER reports Nomar Garciapa…

The NEWARK STAR-LEDGER reports Nomar Garciaparra is the voice of 1-800-23LOGAN, the customer information service line for Boston’s Logan International Airport.

Excerpt: "(Garciaparra) touts the modernization efforts at the airport and informs callers they can get parking, traffic, terminal location and flight information by staying on the line."

Speaking of man boobs, congratulations to Nom…

Speaking of man boobs, congratulations to Nomar Garciaparra on being inducted into the Tennis HOF!