Football fans  love the NFL Draft. Fans know it, the league knows it, ESPN knows it, and advertisers know it. What started as a way for ESPN to fill offseason airtime has turned into a major national sports event worthy of only the loudest and most opinionated hype - wait, that’s true of everything on ESPN. But still, it’s a fun way for fans to spend a  weekend otherwise bereft of sports events (because who watches the NBA or NHL playoffs anyway, right?).

(The hilarious new primetime series, coming this fall!)

But like a five-egg omelet, 64-ounce Big Gulp, Hummer H2, or like any of the millions of other examples of American greed and avarice, the NFL has decided that two whole days of draft just isn’t enough for football fans. Starting in 2010, the first round is moving to Thursday. If NBC thought ratings for ‘Parks and Recreation’ were bad before, just wait until Amy Poehler and crew go head to head with Chris Berman and Roger Goodell. Let the ratings battle begin!

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• How did porn star Jenna Jameson & MMA fighter Tito Ortiz first meet? It was through the modern miracle of MySpace!

• The Nuggets sting the Hornets with a record-tying playoff blowout.

• Bob Knight would appreciate it if the Dutch media wouldn’t f***ing ask him about the f***ing chair-throwing incident.

• Could you stand yet another day of the NFL Draft - in primetime, even?

• Al Roker & Donald Trump have thrown some of the most fabulously futile first pitches at Fenway.

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“Who Wants to be a Millionaire” returns to ABC this summer for an eleven-episode “event”: Regis Philbin will reprise his role as America’s money tease in hopes of attracting eyeballs inexpensively with otherwise mundane content presented breathlessly.

(”… and that’s how I parlayed a ridiculous catchphrase into a house in the Hamptons and a production shingle at Sony.  Now go get ‘em, Irish!”) 

Of course, ABC smothered the franchise a decade ago by discovering they had a massive hit almost accidentally and then riding Regis like a thoroughbred until the show collapsed from overexposure and shuffled off to syndication while Regis was sent back to his daypart pasture.  However, programmers never learn, which is why ABC (via ESPN) and the NFL seem bent on ruining the NFL Draft by expanding it to three days and showing it in prime time.

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• Erin Andrews spends the NFL Draft surrounded by Cosbys (Quan & Dr. Bill, respectively), and hilarity ensues.

(Can’t you just feel the excitement?)

• Jacoby Ellsbury steals home, Red Sox steal three straight from Yankees.

• It seems that NASCAR won’t be happy until somebody gets killed.

• Beer pong? Budweiser wants in on the upcoming table tennis craze.

• Kobe wanted complete creative control over Spike Lee’s day-in-the-life documentary about him.

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I could barely watch Erin Andrews‘ ‘”exclusive” interview of Quan Cosby and “Dr. Bill Cosby” during ESPN’s draft coverage.

(Cosby interview now has Erin considering career in hospice care?)

Cosby, sadly, is now to comedy what Joaquin Phoenix is to rap. Or fences to NASCAR fans.

On the bright side though, I hear Ms. Andrews is now considering a career in hospice care.

After the jump, I’ve got a small tidbit on Ms. Andrews you haven’t heard that might be related to that engagement rumor. Read more…

The NFL Draft has just come to a close, and one of the great traditions of the draft is the crowning of “Mr. Irrelevant,” otherwise known as the last pick of the entire draft. The “winner” of this honor gets to spend a week in Newport Beach and is awarded something called the Lowsman Trophy at an actual banquet that concludes a celebration called “Irrelevant Week.”

And, I’m proud to announce that this year’s recipient of the tremendous honor is none other than… Billy Mays?

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As if we needed proof that the three months of journalistic masturbation that leads up to the NFL Draft is pointless, the first two rounds proved yet again that all the mock drafts and preparatory analysis does little — if anything — to make the draft day picture clearer for fans. In fact, if you go by the percentage of picks that ESPN’s Mel Kiper Jr. and Todd McShay — and the NFL Network’s Mike Mayock — get right, you’d be convinced that you, too could be a highly paid NFL Draft analyst.

(Analysts on Sanchez: 33 percent right.)

How bad were they? Well, as you can see after the jump, there were only three picks in which all three analysts agreed on the selection … and in which they were correct. Mayock was significantly off throughout — largely because he picked the wrong spot for Sanchez, despite being closer to Sanchez’s actual selection than McShay — and McShay had moments where he completely failed to read between the line (despite the fact that both ESPN analysts cleverly adjusted their drafts to include a Chiefs pick of Tyson Jackson).

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Hey, ever notice how some unrelated people have the same name, like SPORTSbyBROOKS and Albert Brooks? Isn’t that just the funniest? If you said “yes” to that second question, be sure to tune into ESPN’s telecast of the 2009 NFL Draft and watch former Texas wideout Quan Cosby ride out the draft with legendary comedian Bill Cosby. Wait, what?

AWFUL ANNOUNCING reports that the footballer and the star of “Leonard Part 6″ will watch the draft together in a New Jersey theater before the elder Cosby performs there that night, and ESPN will be on hand to record the hilarity for posterity. How did such a bizarre stunt come to pass?

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• The Chicago Bears are concerned about Jay Cutler’s late-night carousing.

(”Aw, man - I need a drink!”)

• You would think home plate umpires deal with enough abuse without having to take a broken bat to the face.

• A couple of Texas Tech football players find relief along the stadium wall.

• Time to get Mist-y eyed, Seattle - here comes your lingerie football team!

• One-time one-legged sports sensation Carl Joseph finally gets some recognition, as he’s elected to the Florida High School Athletic Hall of Fame.

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The NFL draft is coming up, as ESPN has hammered into your skull a thousand times you might have heard, and all eyes have been focused on what Detroit will do with the first pick in the draft. They really only have their choice of about three players; select anyone outside of QB Matthew Stafford, LB Aaron Curry, or OT Jason Smith, someone they regard higher than those three, and they’ll be widely derided as “reaching.” This despite the fact that it’d be their only shot at getting that player short of a trade, and nobody’s willing to trade for the #1 spot in a draft lacking surefire stars like this. So it goes in a hive-mind society like the NFL scouts.

Luckily, Detroit has no such plans to stray from the big three, as according to MLIVE.COM, the team just announced this afternoon that they’ve got a deal in place with Curry, terms agreed to and everything, and they’re ready to get this guy signed before the draft begins. That way there’s no contract drama to worry about; he can just get into camp and go. Yep, they’re selecting Curry with the #1 pick … unless they sign Stafford first.

Wait, what?
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