If you’ve yet to open that new Topps Jumbo Pack of NFL trading cards you just purchased (OK, lets face it: Your parents purchased for you), you’ve got an extra surprise in store. No, the Ben Roethlisberger card does not come with a denial of wrongdoing. It’s something better.

There’s one NFL cheerleader card in every pack. Yeah, there’s such a thing as Topps NFL cheerleader cards. Thank you, Topps, for inventing this years too late. Of course, you’re going to have to forage like a crazed homeless person to collect all 15 cheerleaders — there are only one per pack. But thus is the genius of the plan, as far as Topps is concerned.

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• Rick Pitino’s reputation has taken a huge hit, as the Louisville b-ball coach impregnated the woman who’s been trying to extort him, then paid $3,000 for the abortion.

And now Karen Sypher says her marriage to Cardinals equipment manager Tim was all just a sneaky plot by Pitino to keep an eye on her. But hey, don’t blame Rick - blame 9/11!

• The release party for the new Miami Dolphins cheerleaders bikini calendar was quite the spectacle.

• Jay Mariotti denies that he’s going to be writing for the Chicago Tribune. Can’t wait to see Jay’s debut column in the Trib on September 1st!

• Manny Ramirez gets a memorable reception from San Francisco Giants fans - the same kind of reception that Barry Bonds used to get everywhere else except in the Bay Area.

• Engaged Malibu fashion designer Ali Kay may have encouraged Reggie Miller’s unwanted advances by sending the ex-NBA star photos of herself in bed & in a bikini. At least Ali’s still pretty good at making clothes.

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Yes, Josan Crawford (on the right, below) is the owner and co-founder of an Internet startup that features sports videos. But that’s where the similarities to Bill Gates or Mark Cuban end. Although I should reserve judgment until I’ve seen either of those guys in a Vikings cheerleader outfit.

Crawford is a veteran of the cheerleader wars, having served honorably with the Arena Football League’s Minnesota Fighting Pike cheerleaders; professional roller hockey’s Minnesota Arctic Blast cheerleaders, the WNBA’s Minnesota Lynx Stunt Team, and four seasons as a Minnesota Vikings Cheerleader.

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So we’re starting to get a taste of what the new Stephen Ross/Jimmy Buffett administration is going to look like with the Miami Dolphins, and I can’t say it looks bad. Except for T-Pain arriving in a red hearse, that is. And the choice of venue.

While the Bills and Titans were kicking off the season in the Hall of Fame Game, the Dolphins were taking care of really important business — throwing a party to introduce the new Dolphins Cheerleaders Calendar. That included rapper T-Pain, who arrived in a hearse and then proceeded to unveil a new mix version of the team fight song. Meanwhile, outside, cops got angry and began yelling at his entourage. It’s going to be a fun season!

(More photos following the jump.)

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Back-to-back titles — so rare in the NFL, except if you’re Baltimore Ravens cheerleader Adriene B. The Ravens don’t give out full names of their cheerleaders (although Adriene was a cheerleader at South Carroll High and the University of Maryland, so any of you Cavaliers or Terrapins who know her might want to check in). Anyway, she made back-to-back covers of the Ravens’ cheerleader calendar, a great accomplishment indeed.

But professional cheerleading is also fraught with danger. Aside from the clumsy groping of drunken fans and of course Joe Flacco’s scattershot passing accuracy, there’s also the terror of wild deer! Leaving her home home town of Mt. Airy, MD, to catch a flight for the calendar shoot in the Dominican Republic last year, she hit a deer, which went through her windshield.

(More pics after the jump - of Adriene, not the deer.)

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If you’d told the Oakland Raiderettes that they’d be heading to a place that has warm weather, a tradition of fear based on a fanatical dictator, and thousands of people who are all dressed the same and have a trained predilection toward combat, the cheerleaders wouldn’t bat an eye - that describes every Raiders home game of the last ten years.

It also describes Iraq, unfortunately, and that’s where the young ladies set off to last week. Once there, they put on their variety show for our soldiers at COB* Basra last week. According to REDBULLS.ORG, the official website of the Army National Guard’s 34th Infantry Division, the Raiderettes didn’t disappoint:   Read more…

When are people going to realize that when you post photos on your Facebook or MySpace page that they’re then viewable by anyone who wants to look at them? I mean, think about it - how many times in this new era of blogs have we seen somebody get in trouble for something they posted on the internet? The latest “victim” is Caitlin Davis, a cheerleader for the New England Patriots.

Caitlin and a friend of hers did what a lot of college aged kids do when somebody passes out from drinking. They took a couple of Sharpies and started drawing penises all over their friend’s face, and just for good measure, they threw a swastika or two on him as well.  Of course, no shaming is worth anything without pictures, so Caitlin took some and posted them on her Facebook page. The photos then surfaced over on DEADSPIN this last Monday, and guess what? Apparently the Patriots weren’t big fans because Caitlin is now a former Patriots cheerleader.

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When you’re a quarterback in the NFL you’ve got a lot of things to worry about come gameday. Not only do you have to memorize a couple hundred plays and all the odd names given to the plays, but there’s also the matter of the 270-lb. man trying to separate your head from your body.

You would think that would be Ben Roethlisberger’s biggest fear.  After all, with the offensive line he’s playing behind this season, and his tendency to hold on to the ball, he’s been getting killed all season. Despite that, though, going into their game against the Redskins this Monday night Ben’s not worried about being broken in half. He’s worried about those Redskins cheerleaders.

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We enjoy getting the MAXIM-um fun out of NFL cheerleader photo shoots.

• We wish a happy birthday to Bolivian basketball babe Claudia Porras!

• Manny Ramirez socks the Sox’s traveling secretary over ticket troubles.

• A conservative website runs news of sprinter Tyson Gay by referring to him as Tyson Homosexual.

• Spain’s Euro 2008 success was bad news for Madrid’s erotic film festival.

• Now that Charles Barkley is all paid up, who’s Steve Wynn to sue now? Answer: The NBA & Alonzo Mourning’s charity organization.

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• Dan Cash of WKZO-AM bounces along news from The DETROIT FREE PRESS that two Pistons aren’t enough to drive a Car-melo to Detroit.

• JALOPNIK has video of the fatal funny car crash that killed Scott Kalitta.

• STORMING THE FLOOR chats with Jim Engles, the new guy in Newark hoping to raise the NJIT Highlanders up from the depths of a previous winless season.

• As Marko Jaric gets ready to consummate with Adriana Lima, RUMORS AND RANTS is charmed to present their list of the luckiest guys in sports history.

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