You can’t exactly say that readers of the CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER were sad that former Browns receiver Braylon Edwards was charged a little while ago with misdemeanor assault. Commenter Stefrusconi, a few minutes after word came down: “ALL CHARGES SHOULD BE DROPPED JUST LIKE THE FOOTBALL.” How rude. But then Browns fans and Mr. Edwards are not on the best of terms.

The charges stem from the infamous LeBron Incident on Oct. 4 at the View Ultralounge & Nightclub in Cleveland, when Edwards allegedly punched entertainment promoter Edward Givens. Somewhere Tom Cable is laughing for the first time in two months.  Read more…

If this isn’t an indication of how far the Raiders’ franchise has fallen, I don’t know what is.

(Rex Ryan has officially put his signature on the Jets)

Mark Sanchez was seen eating a hot dog (with mustard) on the sidelines during the Jets 38-0 rout at Oakland yesterday.

Video after the jump. Read more…

New on ABC: “Everybody Hates Braylon.” In this week’s episode, disgruntled Cleveland Browns fans are bombarding Braylon Edwards with Twitter and text messages, reminding him that he isn’t exactly their favorite receiver. Braylon is not exactly amused by the abuse, as you can see in one of his replies, below. Where’s that YouTube crying guy when you actually need him?

Browns fans have been piling on since last week, when Edwards was traded to the Jets for, as one Twitter hooligan phrased it, “a flobee and 7 pounds of air.” Read more…

I think we’ve found Matt Leinart’s new life coach, Mark Sanchez. Leinart you remember stayed in school at USC through his senior year because he wanted to (apparently) continue to enjoy college life. (Had nothing todo with a stealth shoulder injury, mind you.)

(Sanchez proves Leinart could’ve co-oped coeds despite leaving SC)

Leinart was rewarded by losing the national title game to Vince Young (amid an SC defense Chock Full o’ Walk-ons.) Not to mention falling off the NFL Draft cliff, which cost him countless millions in guaranteed money.

(Mark to Matt: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG)

Sanchez was faced with the same dilemma last Spring and took a different path, much to the delight of USC Coach Pete Carroll.

(Mark Sanchez’s girlfriend, Jennifer Mueller)

The NEW YORK POST this morning reports that Sanchez, in addition to leading the New York Jets to their best start since Wesley Walker was making rats miss in the Shea Stadium commissary, has snagged a scholarship sprinter at USC named Jennifer Mueller.

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Usually, Tony Romo saves his worst for last, shining as the season begins but falling apart in December and January. But hey, last night was kind of a big game - it was the first “official” game at the new Cowboys Stadium, and it was a national TV audience against the arch-rival New York Giants. So I guess you can’t blame Romo for reverting to his late-season form and throwing up all over himself in the Cowboys’ 33-31 loss.

Romo threw three picks - including one that was returned for a touchdown - and generally looked more spooked than a race horse that’s just been hit with a firecracker. But despite this, the Cowboys actually led late, and it looked like Dallas might pull out an improbable victory. Read more…

All this week, one of the top stories in college football was about the resurgence of the University of Miami football program after their Labor Day victory over Florida State. They were ranked in the Top 25 for seemingly the first time since Bernie Kosar was behind center, and people were talking about how head coach Randy Shannon had turned the moribund program back into players on the national stage.

Which meant only one thing: The ‘Canes were due to crash and burn last night on ESPN against Georgia Tech. After all, they would certainly be dealing with a team-wide outbreak of swollen heads after their “program changing” win against the Seminoles. Plus, they would have to deal with the Yellow Jackets’ screwy triple option offense, which is tough under any circumstances. All the signs were there for a total meltdown: in fact, it had to happen.

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Rich Rodriguez finally has some breathing room at Michigan. After going on the hot seat after a 3-9 debut season that was the worst in school history, Rodriguez was almost buried before the season began by a range of allegations including violating NCAA practice rules and getting sued for a condo deal gone bad. But after a 38-34 win over Notre Dame in one of the most amazing college football games ever played a college football game, the Wolverines are back in the Top 25 and suddenly relevant again.

So how does Rich Rod celebrate this stunning reversal of fortune? Exactly like you would expect he would: by opening his fool mouth and blowing out any goodwill he had earned by blatantly lying. It’s not his fault: it’s human nature. We all revert back to our default mechanisms at some point. For Rodriguez, it’s making an ass out of himself.

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• Novak Djokovic delights the Monday night US Open crowd with his manic impression of John McEnroe - only to have Mac come down & reclaim his honor in an impromptu tennis match.

• A Kansas community is burned by the cold-hearted hazing of a high school football player slathered in Icy Hot.

• Kentucky fans are fuming at John Calipari because their coach dared send a Wildcats jersey to President Obama.

• A whole lotta football kicked off this weekend - even the lingerie variety.

• Ex-Notre Dame QB Blair Kiel is arrested after going on a drunken warpath at an Indianapolis Indians minor league game.

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You, sir! Yes, you, in the cubicle with the tie that doesn’t fit very well and the 6.5 40 speed. Want to be a professional football player? Well, get your ass up to New York, amigo, because the Jets are redefining “desperate.”

(”Can we find anyone who can kick a damn football? I’m sorry, what’s that? We can’t? Uh-oh.”)

According to the NEW YORK TIMES, the Jets are looking for a solution at the least-athletic position on the football field. They’ve burned through so many other prospects that hey, it might as well be you.

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As we mentioned this morning, Philip Rivers just got a monster new contract to remain the Chargers’ kinda-douchey quarterback. The important particulars: 6 years, $93 million. Well, check that - there’s no way he earns all $93 million.

(”No sir, I don’t like it.”)

That’s because he’s only guaranteed $38 million, and that figure’s likely a lot closer to the amount Rivers will actually get out of the contract than $93 million. Hey, it’s the nature of the game. Guys get released - or their contracts “restructured” - all the time. And Rivers was paid something approximating a fair market price, considering Eli Manning just got $107 million. But there’s one aspect of this that’s still troubling.

That’s the fact that Rivers, for the boatload of money he did receive, only got as much guaranteed money as if he’d been drafted 4th in 2009 instead of 2004.

Allow us to explain.

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