• The critics all seem to agree: “The T.O. Show” stinks worse than B.O.

(All right, we get it, Terrell - you’re proud of your abs. Or wardrobe couldn’t afford any shirts)

• The Tahoe tourney attendee who amused Michael Jordan with a giant inflatable penis tells her side of the story - and sends us a new photo!

• Meanwhile, a Tahoe hotel employee accuses Ben Roethlisberger of sexual assault - but is she the type to really be believed?

• Does Ozzie Guillen hate white players? That would be ironic, since he manages the White Sox.

• After being acquitted of rape charges, ex-NFL kicker Tony Zendejas sues the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department for $2 million.

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Like you, I’ve always been a big fan of Dodgers GM Ned Colletti. But my appreciation for Colletti has nothing to do with his oft-lauded, front office manuevers. (Lifting the phone off the receiver when the Red Sox called to hand over Manny, brilliant!)

(Veritable Festival of Ferrets)

You see, every day Colletti straps on the best wig in sports (sorry Karl Ravech!).

(We all wish Ned would go topless but not what I had in mind)

Even better though than his well-coiffed toupee, Colletti recently got inked by a tattoo artist who doubles as a diehard Dodger fan. Delightful results are after the jump.

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The fallout of the New York Yankees signing up Mark Teixeira has been Chernobyl-esque for Manny Ramirez. Before the Yanks borrowed Hank Paulsen’s printing press to corral Tex, it appeared that Yankee Stadium was to be Ramirez’s most likely destination. Especially if Teixeira had signed with the Red Sox.

(Frank McCourt: Plenty of practice fumbling away opportunities of a lifetime)

With the Mets out of money (thanks, Bernie!) and no other team at present willing to offer Ramirez more than the Dodgers’ proposed 2-year, $45 million pact, it’s looking more and more like it’ll be a long and lonely winter for Mr. Elongated Pants.

(Ned Colletti looking like a stroked-out Peter Griffin)

I was listening to local sports radio guy here in Los Angeles last night and I heard him say that he was unequivocally certain that Ramirez would sign with the Dodgers in January. That Ramirez agent Scott Boras would break down and take the team’s (paltry) offer.

Now, does that sound like something Boras would do to you?

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The Dodgers have won exactly one playoff series in 20 years and are likely to head back into NL West obscurity if they don’t re-sign Manny Ramirez, but that’s not stopping the team from charging ridiculous prices for things like spring training and the opportunity to take a few hacks in the batting cage at Dodger Stadium.

(”We don’t need you, Manny. We can win it all with Blake DeWitt!”)

Last week, the Dodgers charged fans $500 a head to take batting practice and get pictures taken with baseball superstars Russell Martin and Andre Ethier. It was all part of a big fundraiser to help a worthy cause. That cause, of course, being Frank McCourt’s effort to extort as much money as possible from Southern Californians while they think the team still has a chance to retain Manny. They’re also charging as much as $90 for spring training tickets in 2009.

Meanwhile, Ned Colletti is already rationalizing not signing Manny…

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Ken Rosenthal of FoxSports.com reports tonight from the baseball Winter Meetings in the OC that Dodgers GM Ned Colletti told reporters that his club “offered (Manny Ramirez a contract with the highest average salary in Dodgers history, and the second-highest average salary among current players.

(Only thing faker than Dodgers’ offer? Colletti’s piece)

Rosenthal surmises from that that the Dodgers “offered Ramirez a two-year contract worth just over $50 million.”

According to Colletti, who didn’t specifiy contract length, the Dodgers also offered an option year. Of course, the Dodger GM didn’t specify which party holds the option, so that could be irrelevant to process.

Last week the NEW YORK POST reported about the same, a 2-year deal worth $60M.  The story was from an anonymous source. Gee, wonder who that was?

I wrote at the time that the Dodgers were planting the $30M-per figure in the media to make it look like they were making a genuine offer. Now it appears Colletti may be confirming all that. Read more…

• What the hell does DUMP CASEY BLAKE (dot blogspot dot com) do when Mark Shapiro actually dumps him on Steady Neddy Colletti? Dump David Dellucci, of course. Although I recommend just sticking with the same name myself. Also: Ned loves Blake. He’s a gamer. Just a tough gamer. Clearly.

• YOU BEEN BLINDED dials up video of Carlos Zambrano getting K-balled in a fast pitch softball league from back in June.

• MISTER IRRELEVANT eulogizes the loss of Red Lasso, every blogger’s best friend. I, for one, welcome Brian Powell as our new video overlord.

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SOMEONE IN HR IS SLIGHTLY PISSED OFF AT THE MOMENT: The LOS ANGELES TIMES reports today that MLB yesterday gave the Dodgers the green light to “bypass the mandatory interviews of minority candidates” in order to expedite the Torre hire (we love hairpieced-Ned Colletti still trying to play coy).

The Dodgers were allowed to throw the rule down the stairs “because of their hiring record“. One of those hires touted by MLB? Team President Jamie McCourt, who is “the highest-ranking female executive” in MLB. Of course, McCourt also happens to be the husband wife of owner Frank McCourt.