Report: Norm Chow To Join Lane Kiffin At USC

UPDATE: As noted here, UCLA reports that Chow has not yet joined the USC staff.

Shelley Smith reports on ESPN Tuesday night that Norm Chow will leave UCLA to join Lane Kiffin’s staff at USC. Smith reported that the Lane Kiffin hire was a “package deal” largely predicated on assistants Chow, Ed Orgeron and Monte Kiffin joining the staff.

Meanwhile, the 9:30pm ET presser for Kiffin in Knoxville has been delayed. Stay tuned. More on that coming up.

Shocking: Lane Kiffin’s Family Likes Lane Kiffin

Tennessee’s Lane Kiffin currently sports a simple 1-1 career record as a college football head coach, but from everything that’s been written about the guy, it feels like he’s been around a lot longer than that. In his first offseason as coach, he got more than his fair share of headlines — mostly because he is kind of an idiot who can’t keep his mouth shut.

Hello Kiffin

(ALL PRAISE BE TO EDSBS.)

He seems to operate on the premise that any publicity is good publicity, even going so far to say that the aforementioned offseason headlines were all part of his master plan to bring Tennessee back to respectability. He’s been ripped as a bad coach, as a spoiled brat, as a liar, and as someone whose meteoric rise is due solely to family connections. Apparently, now he’s trying to change that perception by opening up to sympathetic journalists for long-form puff profiles. Um, Lane — it’s not working.

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Inside The Vols’ Multimillion $ Payroll - Yes, Payroll

Is it possible to buy a championship in college football? Tennessee’s sure trying. They’re spending absurd amount of money in the only place it’s legal: the coaching staff. Besides the $2 million due new head coach Lane Kiffin (more than he made in Oakland), the Volunteers are going to drop millions more on the assistants, including $150,000 for one who doesn’t even have a job yet.

Mike Hamilton and Lane Kiffin

Maybe the players play for school spirit, but no sport is more mercenary when it comes to coaching than college football. AD Mike Hamilton (who makes $315,000 himself) said the budget for coaches would increase “significantly” this year, but some of the numbers are truly ludicrous (and more than a little nepotistic.) Get ready to hate Tennessee even more, after the jump.

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Speed Read: Mizzou Guards Alamo From NWicans

Every year we celebrate the bloody massacre of Texans at the hand of the Mexican army, and this was before soccer was popular. The Alamo Bowl, then, is the college game in which a team is crowned new saviors of the Republic of Texas, and for one year they are enshrined within the walls of the Alamo to protect from any uprising. And you goofy playoff advocates thought the bowl system was irrelevant.

Alamo Bowl

Missouri will be this year’s defenders, since they pushed Northwestern past the limit in a 30-23 overtime victory. Chase Daniel will be Davy Crockett, the heroic senior leader of the team, who kept his Tigers in the game despite the NWern Wildcats regaining the lead three times. Daniel’s TD pass to Jeremy Maclin in overtime was the difference. (Maclin can be the William B. Travis in this grand metaphor). The highly accurate kicker, Jeff Wolfert, blew a 44-yard field goal at the end of regulation that would have won the game, but his team came out victorious nonetheless, so he can be Sam Houston. I’d assign some roles to the Northwestern football team but I’m running out of Battle of the Alamo parallels.

Andre Smith

Andre Smith is a big deal, for he is the nation’s best lineman and will probably be a top three pick in the NFL Draft. He allowed one sack all season, and is probably the MVP of the Alabama offense. He is not a quarterback like Tebow, Bradford, Colt, Harrell or Your Favorite Quarterback. But he will not play in the Sugar Bowl due to a suspension, and ESPN.COM’s Chris Low has some info that says he talked to an agent, which is a big NCAA no-no. Obviously, this is a large story, since it’s on ESPN and making the rounds on the wires … but just imagine how much bigger of a deal the media, fans, bloggers, and bettors would make of it had John Parker Wilson been the one suspended. But it’s just a stupid lineman. There are, like, seven of those or something on the field at once. No big deal. The real question is: Will the beef stew Terrelle Pryor ate today affect his Fiesta Bowl passer rating?

Computer that will determine price of Giants tickets

This might be the computer that will determine the price of Giants tickets next year. About 2,000 seats will fall under this automated pricing formula, which factors in things like weather, popularity of opposing team, and whether or not Barry Zito will be pitching. This may potentially revolutionize the way sporting event ticket prices are gouged set, and finally gives the world a chance to dust off the ol’ quadratic formula to see how much the weekend will cost you.

The sum of the square roots of the following stories equals:

Super Snova

  • AUTOPIA takes a look at souped-up snowmobiles from around the world. I see nothing wrong with turning a Chevy Nova into what looks like a tank.
  • The Red Sox want Ramirez back! I’m dead serious!
  • The Bucs go to 9-3, then Monte Kiffin says he’ll leave at the end of the year with son Lane to the U. of Tennessee, and then they lose four straight and are out of the playoffs. The ST. PETERSBURG TIMES talks with Kiffin who admits it may not have been the right thing to announce his resignation when he did.
  • IN GAME NOW says Derek Jeter is looking for a house in Los Angeles. Expect the Yankees to offer the Dodgers a 10-year, $453 million contract.
  • The AP is reporting Clippers basketballperson Ricky Davis will be suspended five games for violating the league’s drug policy. Easy on the Sudafed, bro.
  • The Mets have made some good acquisitions this offseason. They’re due for a rumor about an Andruw Jones-type tra… hey, lookit that!
  • A fun find by SEATTLE WEEKLY regarding just how much Pat Riley thinks about the case sensitivity of his text messages to Dwyane Wade.
  • You know how people older than you constantly remind you how tough they had it? Well, Oregon football back in the day had to endure private jets and lobster dinners, and Willie Glasper will be the last OU player who can claim that. Expect 2025’s Ducks team to bitch about the 15 miles of snow they had to play through.
  • NEWSDAY says the Jets will be coached either by Bill Cowher or by Marty Schottenheimer, depending on whose prediction you believe. Using the quadratic formula, this means Rod Marinelli will be rumored to be the next Browns coach.
  • And finally, Bernie Williams was quietly trying to make a career comeback for the World Baseball Classic, and his comeback could end on as quiet a whimper as it began, now that LOHUD YANKEES BLOG says he’s got a serious quad injury while playing winter ball in Puerto Rico. Carumba.

Who will be the first to get another NFL head coaching job?

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Speed Read: Black Friday Turns To Boring Sunday

Football games are long, long endeavors. Battles of attrition. Game of inches. Field position. And such. The previous week, the NFL set a league record for most combined points in a weekend, which is exciting on paper. But this week, and last, a lot of games were simply horrible.

Fans asleep

Half the games were won by more than two touchdowns. The average margin of victory was 15½ points. The “closest” Thanksgiving game was the Cowboys’ 25 point squeaker over Seattle. Week 12 wasn’t much better; last week’s points-a-palooza had an average victory of almost 17 points, with only three games featuring a single-digit victory. In a season where the median margin of victory is 10 points, the last two weeks have had median wins of 16 and 18 points. Hey, football’s fun. And it’s a never-ending cycle to find the good ones. You have to watch the 41-17 clunkers to find the 31-28 photo finish. Good thing I skipped the action today to go Christmas shopping.

Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis - Armageddon

(”It’s funny ’til somebody gets SHOT IN THE LEG.”)

If it wasn’t for the human tendency to honor anniversaries, not many people would connect the diametrically opposite incidents of Plaxico Burress and Sean Taylor. (Also, their teams were, y’know, playing each other.) A year ago, Taylor was murdered in his home. Last Friday, Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg. The location of the bullet wounds might have been remotely close, and they were both football players, but that’s pretty much all the two things had in common. Was Burress carrying a gun to protect himself in light of the Taylor murder? Well, maybe, but isn’t that what friends and bodyguards are for? He ought to be rich enough not to have to actually handle one of those firearms. We’ll all find out more when he surrenders tomorrow and talks to police about potentially carrying a weapon without a legal permit.

Dabo Swinney, new Clemson coach

What’s Dabo Swinney looking at, other than seeing the “interim” diamond-encrusted plate being taken off his Clemson head coach office door? He’s trying to figure out who first reported it. ESPN! Multiple sources told them. WYFF GREENVILLE! Multiple sources told them. CHARLESTON POST AND COURIER! Multiple sources told us, but they told us first. Put them all together, and multiple sources have told SPORTSbyBROOKS that Dabo Swinney will be the new head football coach at Clemson University. You (might have) heard it here first.

Moneyball

  • Arbitration time! Today is the deadline for MLB teams to offer cash to their free agents and potentially scrap some draft picks out of the process in the event the free agent leaves. Milwaukee could offer it to Sabathia. Boston might give it to Captain Varitek. The Royals could … let anyone with talent sign elsewhere and bring up some young people.
  • Old-ish news, but it’s new to you! Warren Moon was on TV and mentioned that maybe the Patriots should trade Tom Brady and keep Matt Cassel. Yes, and maybe they’ll turn Bill Belichick into a French sous chef. That’ll show them.
  • David Chalk of BUGS AND CRANKS weighs the odds of who will be SPORTS ILLUSTRATED’s Sportsman Of The Year. David’s a Rays fan, so you know who’s the odds-on-favorite.
  • THE 700 LEVEL watches Derrick Rose block the tar out of Andre Miller’s shots last night. Chicago won 103-92.
  • THE STAR LEDGER reports on Devin Harris’s 47-point barrage to help the Nets beat the Suns. 21 of the points were in the final quarter.
  • Peyton and Tom have huge games against each other! No, not those ones. Hillis and Jones. They both ran for over 120 yards but Hillis’s Broncos trounced the Jets 34-17.
  • With the Browns down to their last Dorsey this season, Browns fans are praying to Santa Claus and the Kwanzaa Llama for Bill Cowher as a head coach.
  • The woman who had bathroom sex in the Metrodome (what a way to be named) is claiming she was victimized and would never ever have drunken sex if it was up to her. Hey, wouldn’t we all. That would be absolutely disgusting if she was date-raped, but there doesn’t seem to be any proof other than she’s embarrassed. Let’s all move on.
  • So Lane Kiffin is the new Tennessee Volunteers coach. Neat. But will his daddy Monte, a Buccaneers assistant, follow him to Knoxville? PFT can’t get a word out of the senior Kiffin about it. He’s not talking. Lips. Sealed. (For now.)
  • And finally, the Michigan State basketball game was delayed by rain. Wait… what?

What should the Giants do with Plaxico Burress?

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