• The Mets are mad at Dwight Gooden for holding an impromptu autograph session on their brand new Citi Field walls.

• Some pretty exciting playoff performances by the Bulls & Sixers so far. Too bad it’s all a formality until the Lakers-LeBron finals.

• It’s one thing for linemen to get the late-night munchies, but stealing $82 worth of hamburgers & Hot Pockets from other people’s fridges?

• Looks like the Cavs have found their new playoff anthem, thanks to Joe Smith … er, Joe Beast.

• Another great use for Twitter: Calling local sportswriters fat.

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To paraphrase Dan Patrick, you can’t stop Twitter’s popularity in the sports world, you can only hope to contain it. Whether it’s Shaq inviting diner customers to say hello, Stephen Jackson showing his sketches of nude ladies packing heat, or the NBA finding a new way to fine Mark Cuban, the social technology seems here to stay.

And with such an explosion of popularity, it would only be a matter of time before some sports figure would use the easy updating tool to type up something he or she might regret. (Mark Cuban doesn’t count because he regrets nothing!) And that figure might turn out to be Minnesota football coach Tim Brewster.

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• Grant Hill reveals that Christian Laettner is a big jerk. In other news, sky is blue, water is wet, Duke is overrated.

• A former U of Minnesota running back can’t leave the state to attend an NFL tryout - just because he’s an “untreated sex offender“.

• There’s nothing like a buzzer-beater to punch your ticket to the Big Dance.

• The Yankees hope to have the healthiest ballpark in the league.

• Delaware seems determined to take a gamble on sports betting.

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There’s a lesson in here for all of you reading; if you’re hoping to try out for the NFL, I’d advise you not to masturbate on a passed-out woman and record it on your cell phone.

Former University of Minnesota star Dominic Jones was barred by a judge’s ruling from leaving the state and traveling to Ohio for one day to participate in open NFL tryouts. Rather than doing it to spare Jones’ feelings from being rejected by 32 teams, the county says that he’s not getting any special treatment; he’s just a regular “untreated sex offender.”

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It started so well for Cincinnati in the Orange Bowl against Virginia Tech. On their first drive of their first-ever BCS bowl game, they marched down the field and scored a touchdown thanks to a pair of big receptions by TE Mardy Gilyard. It was an instant 7-0 lead and a sign to anyone switching over from the dog that was the Rose Bowl that this game could be good.

And then…pfft. Cincinnati spent the rest of the game playing like a team that was scared to death of being on the big stage. Meanwhile, the Hokies were being the Hokies - physical,  methodical, boring - and just doing enough to salt the game away. The end result? A 20-7 Virginia Tech victory that was moderately more fun to watch than the Sun Bowl. (Hey, at least El Paso had The Village People!)

Meanwhile, in Japan…well, it’s your usual assortment of weirdness from the world of K-1. Specifically, their latest fight card was headlined by Bob Sapp, who combines the physique of Butterbean with the MMA fighting skills of Kimbo Slice into one freak show package that the Japanese can’t get enough of even if no one in the US cares. (Sort of like Cheap Trick.)

His latest opponent? Um, some guy in a wrestling mask that Sapp outweighed by 140 pounds. And oh yeah, the guy he fought was based on a cartoon character named Kinnikuman. Basically, it’s like if Brock Lesnar fought against the actual Captain Crunch. No, I don’t get it either, but I don’t get most Japanese things (Shonen Knife, sushi, Bobby Valentine). CAGE WRITER has analysis of the card and video of the Sapp/Fictional Character match:

Here’s what else was happening while you were breaking some to all of your New Year’s Resolutions:

• Bad news for Florida Gator fans: AWFUL ANNOUNCING says that according to Fox, Tim Tebow has apparently decided to transfer to Cincinnati. And play right tackle. And convert to Islam. Either that, or the graphics department at Fox is a mess.



• UTEP back-up QB Jeken Frye was attacked on New Year’s Eve by a group of known gang members who came to the house he was at armed with crowbars and metal water meter covers. Not to make light of a serious situation, but honestly - metal water meter covers?
• The roof of the Ora L. Wildermuth Intramural Center at Indiana was damaged by careless welders (wasn’t that a Wham song?), according to the AP. It’s named after the former school president from the 1930s and 1940s who favored strict segregation. Chuck D. says to let the sucker burn.
• In case you missed it (and frankly, I can’t imagine that you did), video has finally been posted of David Hasselhoff’s triumphant National Anthem performance at the Las Vegas Bowl. And you know what? He’s not quite Marvin Gaye, but it wasn’t a Carl Lewis-style meltdown, either.
• CAGE WRITER has another UFC fighter doing a Rampage Jackson impersonation: Josh Neer was arrested after leading Iowa police on a lengthy, high-speed car chase. Yeah, but it wasn’t a monster truck, and he sure didn’t have his picture on the side of his car.
• The CINCINNATI ENQUIRER has word of a girls high school basketball player who is suing her school because she was injured while scrimmaging against men. But the good news is that the way her shoulder separated was very fundamentally sound.
• Eastern Washington head basketball coach Kent Earlywine missed out on coaching his team against Boise State on Monday, according the SPOKANE SPOKESMAN-REVIEW, because he had been popped for a DUI that weekend. But he was able to watch the game online. I guess he had his “wine” a little too “early,” huh? (Insert rimshot here.)
• The MINNEAPOLIS STAR-TRIBUNE says Minnesota Golden Gophers head hockey coach Don Lucia is suffering from an “undisclosed illness” and might miss his first-ever game in 22 years of coaching the team when they take on Brown tonight. I once went a whole three weeks at my old job between missing time with an “undisclosed illness,” otherwise known as being hungover.
• The SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE debunks the latest Manny Ramirez rumors, saying “it would be a mistake to put too much stock” into rumors that have the slugger coming to the Giants next season. Still, if you think Dodgers fans hated Barry Bonds…
• Don Larsen might have pitched the only perfect game in World Series history, but the SEATTLE TIMES says his flight from Idaho to New York to tape a segment for the new MLB Network was a perfect mess, turning a 60-hour trip into six days of travel hell.

UPDATE: Photos of the couple here.

The DES MOINES REGISTER (via the MINNY TRIBUNE), has an unintentionally amusing interview the Iowa woman caught having sex in a Metrodome bathroom stall during the recent Minnesota-Iowa football game.

Lois Feldman, who was fired today from her job as an adminstrator at an assisted living center, says the incident has, “ruined my life.”

All the more amazing when you consider Feldman claims she had no idea who she had sex with. Read more…

Having sex in the bathroom stall at a football game. A pair of Buffalo Bills fans might have started it with a dirty tryst at Ralph Wilson Stadium, but it looks like the phenomenon has made its way to the college game as well. The MINNEAPOLIS STAR-TRIBUNE says that a couple were arrested during Saturday night’s Minnesota vs. Iowa game for making the beast with two incredibly disgusting backs, to the delight of a cheering crowd.

Fans having sex at the Metrodome? I hope someone handed them a spare Homer Hankie when they were done. And I certainly hope that they practiced safe sex - it gives new meaning to “The Baggie” - although I can’t imagine that very much can be considered “safe” when you are having sex in a bathroom stall.

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Today’s UF-UK tilt wasn’t really about winners and losers, as Florida re-established their credentials by crushing No. 4 LSU in their last game. It was about getting Tim Tebow back in the Heisman discussion. I’d say he made his point.

Tebow’s numbers weren’t great — 180 yards for 2 TDs in the air, 48 for 2 on the ground –but he took full control of the game, leading Florida to a 63-5 blowout of Kentucky. Jeffrey Demps, who was featured in this great NEW YORK TIMES piece, led all players in both rushing and receiving. The Gators face their last real test of the regular season next week at Georgia. Seriously, for an SEC squad, it’s a pretty soft schedule. We’re headed toward about 15 one-loss teams this year.

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The last pitcher to win a postseason game after a 15-day layoff was Red Ruffing of the 1939 New York Yankees. And Ruffing can rest easy (well, that’s not too difficult since he’s dead) because Tim Wakefield’s attempt to match that feat last night didn’t go particularly well. The Rays became the first team to ever score more than nine runs in three consecutive LCS games when they stomped the Sox 13-4 at Fenway last night to move within one victory of the World Series.

Some might say, though, that the Sox have the Rays just where they want them. In 2004 and 2007, the Sox trailed by at least a 3-1 margin in the ALCS before coming from way behind to win the series and then sweep the World Series. While it’s certainly not impossible for the Sox to pull this off again, Manny Ramirez is not walking out of that dugout anytime soon and Mike Lowell is officially not available for the rest of the playoffs. Dan Shaughnessy is being very reasonable about all of this, as usual.

But the real story here is the Rays, the former laughing stock franchise that looks like it might be the best team in baseball not only this year, but for years to come. The ST. PETE TIMES’ John Romano is reveling in the moment, and reminds us that the Rays would be the first team in the free agency era to reach the World Series with the lowest payroll in its league. One guy is trying to capitalize while things are going well. According to THE HEATER, the guy who owns EvanLongoria.com is trying to sell it for $25,000 (thanks to YOU BEEN BLINDED for the tip). It would probably be a great place for Longoria to further advance his views on Dominicans, but he’s reportedly not interested in purchasing the domain.

How bored were Sox fans on Tuesday night? Stephen King was curled up with his book by the third inning:

(not tonight, Steve, not tonight)

Tony Gonzalez is a little miffed that he didn’t get moved prior to yesterday’s NFL trade deadline. Jay Glazer is naturally very pleased with himself that he got this scoop. Gonzalez pretty much unloaded on Chiefs GM Carl Peterson for not dumping him for a third-round pick. Gonzalez then took the time to say that even though he was desperate to get away from Kansas City, he’s committed to the team now that he has no choice in the matter.

It was a slow day yesterday on the police blotter. All we got is Sebastian Telfair getting suspended for three games for his 2007 arrest for speeding, driving without a license, and handgun possession. It’s the first trifecta of Telfair’s career.

Finally, the Flyers got their first point of the season last night by taking the Penguins to overtime, but they lost their third consecutive game to begin the season. That’s no wins since the Sarah Palin ceremonial puck drop, for those of you scoring at home. Let’s go to the links:

• As if it isn’t hard enough to drive a race car at 150+ miles per hour through the streets of Surfers Paradise in Australia, I’ve learned that drivers have to turn a blind eye to hundreds of topless (and even fully nude) women who watch the annual Indy Car race from the balconies of the upscale community’s many high-rise apartment buildings. It’s become the Aussie equivalent to Girls Gone Wild and is so notorious that there are commercial DVDs of the debauchery available for purchase online.

But now it looks like the authorities are making a point of trying to limit the “action” at this year’s race, which happens on October 26th. According to GOLDCOAST.COM.AU:

INDY organisers have released a code of conduct for race fans staying in apartments within the track precinct.

The document was drawn up following raunchy scenes on balconies, including nudity, at last year’s race.

It says that guests ‘need to ensure the behaviour on the balconies does not offend the general public.’

It’s all very unfortunate, since now the spectators will be forced to just watch a bunch of cars drive in a circle for three hours. And let’s just all give thanks for a minute that this kind of thing hasn’t taken hold at NASCAR tracks around the country:

• When is dirt not just dirt? When it’s official game-used dirt from the San Diego Padres’ home stadium, Petco Park. In that case, it’s actually worth less than dirt. (Thank you, GASLAMP BALL)

• I just about passed out reading this TUCSON CITIZEN story about Arizona baseball player Brad Glenn, who severed nerves and ligaments in his hand when he accidentally put it through a glass coffee table (but I’m one of those people who nearly faints during a blood test). Glenn decided to return for his senior season after being drafted by the A’s this summer, and now he might not be able to play at all next year.

• Utah is the #1 football team in the country, according to one voter in the Harris Interactive Poll. Lya Wodraska of the SALT LAKE TRIBUNE says that the voter is anonymous because the Harris Poll doesn’t require public disclosure of ballots. And, as far as I can tell, the Harris Poll doesn’t publicly disclose its rankings either. It’s supposedly one-third of the BCS formula but I don’t know if I’ve ever seen this poll anywhere. Tulsa might be #1 as far as I know.

• Everyone got so caught up thinking Northwestern was the sleeper team in the Big Ten this year that nobody but THE HLOG seems to have noticed that Minnesota is 6-1 and already bowl eligible, after this weekend’s 27-20 upset of Illinois. The Gophers were 1-11 last year.

• BEYOND THE BLUESHIRTS has the thoughts of a clearly devastated Jaromir Jagr concerning the death of his teammate Alexei Cherepanov.

• SQUAWKING BASEBALL notes that the Mets are having some remorse about the price of their luxury suites at the new Citifield. Not in the way you think, though. The Mets didn’t have any problem selling them, they just now think they didn’t charge enough for them. The suites went for $250,000-500,000. But the suites at the new Yankee Stadium started at $600,000 and also sold well.

• In this NY DAILY NEWS story about Derek Lowe’s impending free agency, John Harper says that Frank McCourt won’t be able to keep guys like Lowe and Rafael Furcal around if the Dodgers end up signing Manny Ramirez to a new contract.

• FOOD COURT LUNCH has the deep, dark confessions of the Indianapolis Colts.

• I’ve seen a lot of long blog posts, but this one just might be the longest. THE GRAND NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS (which is a long blog title too, for that matter) has written a paragraph about every Division I basketball team. All three-hundred-and-whatever of them. Even teams that barely qualify, like St. John’s.

We had a decent slate of early games today, with most ranked teams waiting until the late afternoon and evening games to play. But those who slept in missed plenty.

(Why “Hook ‘em, Horns”? Why not “Gore them” or “Mutilate them”?)

The dominant story, of course, is Oklahoma’s defensive collapse in the Red River Shootout, relinquishing their top ranking after falling to Texas, 45-35. OU was up 14-3 early and still led 28-20 in the third quarter, but Texas scored the last 15 points while Sam Bradford imploded for the Sooners.

And the hilarity didn’t stop in Dallas.

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