Gery Woelfel of the RACINE (WI) JOURNAL-TIMES reports Bogut “slightly dislocated his elbow” and suffered no broken bones.

Video below.

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Working title for the production: Shriller.

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Imma change my race of women I mess with.

I like white girls, light skin, asian girls, thai girls, now.

Before you react, there’s more after the jump.

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(No, it was a different word…)

Therefore, no one should show a bit of shock that Jennings has shown a penchant for holding strong opinions and then sharing them through the Interwebs.  That’s why the newest Buck’s latest words about his “n****” Scott Skiles, those “n*****” Knicks fans, and the “bum-a** n****” Like Ridnour. (Hey, he wasn’t going to learn more English in Greece during his winter abroad.)

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It turns out Abdul-Jabbar trademarked the phrase “Sky Hook,” which is why I’ve been capitalizing it (Don’t want to get sued). He claims he’s been using the phrase since his high school days. But ask anyone else, and it only dates back to his time with the Milwaukee Bucks. And it isn’t even his to begin with.

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The uploaded PDF of the complaint is missing a few pages, so we don’t know many details yet. But Daniel Fischer claims the attack at Decibel nightclub, where Villanueva is admittedly a regular, was “completely unprovoked” and left him with lasting damage.

The court of public opinion seems to have already made its ruling, though.

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(”Ha ha ha ha… pack your stuff.”)

On SportsCenter last night, ESPN’s Michael Smith reported there would be significant financial penalties for the Cowboys to cut Owens as much of his 4-year, $34 million contract signed less than a year ago is guaranteed cash. We hope this means Owens will continue to have at least twenty million reasons to come back to camp this summer.

(Note to ESPN: Neil Everett is monumentally awful at ad-libbing. Never tell us how cool it is to be the one on the dais when news breaks. When a big story hits, break the glass on Bob Ley.  Surprisingly good: Stuart Scott. Also, how did Ed Werder not break this story?)

(Note 2 to ESPN: Please remind Keyshawn Johnson that Charlie Manson comparisons may be a bit dated, not to mention a little racy.)

In brighter news, the Cleveland Cavaliers claimed the first musical chair in the Longines Symphonette that is the NBA playoffs with a 91-73 triumph at home against Milwaukee. The Cavaliers move to 48-12, which is exactly how LeBron James hopes his Knicks career starts in two years.  (We kid, Cleveland, we kid.)

LeBron posted a silent but deadly 23-8-4 on 7-of-11 shooting Wednesday night.  Unfortunately, his most offensive move isn’t necessarily the one he unleashes on the court:

On the other end of the spectrum, Shaquille O’Neal has been letting everyone know that his excrement does not emit a malignant odor. First, he somehow thought he could pull off the Divac Dive against Dwight “Time Warner Intellectual Property Here” Howard.

Then, when the Van Gundy with the honest living fussed about the sad little move, there was a Shaqhissy, captured on Miami’s 790 THE TICKET by Jorge Sedano and reproduced below in the popular MP3 format:

• Shaquille O’Neal addresses Stan Van Gundy comments
• Shaquille O’Neal calls Stan Van Gundy a frontrunner
• Shaquille O’Neal defends himself from Stan Van Gundy
• Shaquille O’Neal on what he told Stan Van Gundy after the Orlando game
• Shaquille O’Neal discusses his comments upon leaving Miami one year ago

None of this, of course, helped the Suns win in Orlando or Miami. The Suns dropped their second Florida game in the “He Hate Me” series of former O’Neal teams last night in Miami, 135-129. No defense in here anywhere.

(Perhaps the only men left who will fight for Shaq’s honor)

We feel compelled to note again that Shaq’s a complicated fellow. We recently saw him encourage his kids post-game to say hello to a fragile 7′ 6″ teen that sat near courtside after being featured on the local news the previous night. This was done under the stands with little fanfare, maybe a few dozen witnesses and none from the media.

When his young son was too shy to do so and tried to hide under Dad’s massive jacket, Shaq gently insisted until his son shook the adolescent hand. Shaq could relate to the teen’s condition better than nearly anyone on the planet and made sure that young man felt welcome. Also, Shaq showed his own son the importance of graciousness.

Shaq makes that gesture damned near every day of his life, often without credit. He’s also the same man that made the comments to the media above. He may have been compared to a meteorite by this author yesterday, but not in the most important way: Shaquille O’Neal is a force of nature. Try to comprehend him at your own risk.

Same for Terrell Owens. Same for LeBron James. Maybe not so much for Jon Kitna.

And now the proverbial hail of bullet points while saving a parking spot with your life…

• The biggest news out of the NHL trade deadline: Olli Jokinen moves from Calgary to Phoenix for a pretty bauble or three, allowing him to work for a team that has a half-decent chance of being solvent next season.
• Yes, this D-III basketball star put herself into college in part by stripping, but now she’s known for her ball-handling.
• As always, the players are asked to take all the financial pain, but it couldn’t hurt (much) for the NBA team owners to consider their role in protecting the long-term prospects of the league.
• Madison Square Garden personnel just can’t stop with the Italian stereotypes around Danilo Gallinari. We assume that’s why the Knicks keep changing leadership every few months.
• Our best to the family of Vikings coaching legend Bud Grant’s wife, Pat Grant, who passed away yesterday. We’d tell you her birthdate, but we never talk about a lady’s age.
• Kansas hasn’t been this shaken by a loss since John Brown left town.
• The WALL STREET JOURNAL is going daily with their sports coverage and have left the esteemed Sam Walker in charge of the section. Helluva time to cut PLAY, NEW YORK TIMES.
• Ohio State fans, prepare to donate $100 or more to University of Toledo for the honor of seeing your team overinflate their ranking.
• Tom Izzo shaves it all off for the children.
• Wouldn’t it be great if we could bring back phrenology to diagnose steroid users? Until then, we have Mike Piazza’s bloodied shirts.
• Thank goodness someone’s there to defend us against that heathen continent, Australia, and their relentless baseball team. Bless you, Ken Griffey, Jr.!
• And finally, a high school football coach-turned-sex offender just can’t stay away from the porn. Heavens, don’t tell him about the D-III basketball player!  (Or Tom Izzo. Smooth, smooth Tom Izzo.)

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(2009’s inductee into the Expiring Contract Hall-of-Fame will continue to not play for Portland this season)

The most hilarious part of all of this is that ESPN set aside an entire hour yesterday afternoon to talk about all the big news that was going down. And then nothing happened, other than some blockbusters like Rashad McCants for Shelden Williams and Larry Hughes for Tim Thomas and The Contract Resulting From Jerome James‘ Fluky 2005 Playoff Run. So Mark Jones had to sit there and come up with crap to talk about with the likes of Jamal Mashburn and Chris Broussard, while all three looked like they would have rather been making out with Louis Amundson. They even had Marc Stein call in with some “breaking news” that the Knicks were thinking about trading Nate Robinson to Sacramento, then had him call back five minutes later to say it wasn’t happening.

So, what happened? Mostly, Portland decided that they’re OK with what they have, and will take the cap space from LaFrentz’ expiration and a trade exception they acquired for Ike Diogu into the offseason, instead of shipping a few parts to bring in someone like Vince Carter or Richard Jefferson. The Cavs showed some interested in bring in Shaq, but that never really got off the ground. And the Suns backed off on any Amare trades because they’ve scored 282 points in two games since kicking Terry Porter to the curb.

Meanwhile, everyone else seemed scared to make any deal that would add any payroll because of the current economic climate — and David Stern’s recent warning that the salary cap will probably be going down for the next couple of years.

I tuned in just after halftime of last night’s Celtics-Jazz tilt in Salt Lake, and noticed that Michael Rappaport was playing big minutes for Boston for some reason. What the heck was Scalabrine doing in the game? Then I realized that Kevin Garnett wasn’t out there. And while Celtics fans are probably upset about losing 90-85 to the Jazz, they’re much more worried about KG’s strained knee. He’s having it re-evaluated today, but a strained knee could mean anything from a slight hyperextension that will heal in two days to a torn ligament that could end a season. Could another Boston team be derailed by a catastrophic knee injury? New England holds its collective breath.

So, now that we’ve found A-Rod’s drug-enabling cousin, it’s time to figure out what this “boli” crap is that the two were injecting for fun back in the day. Turns out that the substance, called Primobolan, was actually illegal in the Dominican Republic during the time Rodriguez says he and his boy Yuri were supposedly buying it from a pharmacy there. Still is illegal, actually, and all attempts by ESPNDeportes to buy some from different pharmacies were rebuffed.

ESPN cites a Dominican official who says that the drug would not have been for sale in a pharmacy, but could have been found either on the underground market or on the Internet. A-Rod also tested positive for testosterone, which is available over-the-counter in the D.R. So, it appears — and here’s a shocker — that Rodriguez might not be telling us the whole truth here.

(”Like I said, Yuri and I bought the Ebola from a guy named Manny who ran cockfights in Santo Domingo. It was all totally, completely legal. Manny just got it from the pharmacy and then gave it to us.”)

• Is there anything more simultaneously hilarious and tragic than a big, furry mascot seriously injuring itself? During NBA All-Star weekend, the Bobcats mascot made an impressive H-O-R-S-E shot that glanced off the, uh, groinal region of the Bucks mascot, who was standing on top of the basket. No, that wasn’t the injury. That came when the Buck tried some sort of Shawn Johnson-esque dismount that ended with a torn ACL. BALL DON’T LIE brings us the video from the L.A. TIMES:

• Tom Glavine will be throwing 82-mph fastballs that are low and away but are called strikes anyway for at least one more year.

• A bus carrying the Albany River Rats AHL team crashed on the way home from a game in Lowell, Mass. early Thursday morning. Several players and the radio guy were injured, and some of the players might miss significant time, says the AP.

• The first women’s hammer throw Olympic gold medalist ever collapsed and died on Wednesday. What makes this really tragic is that it was only nine years ago that Poland native Kamila Skolimowska won gold in Sydney. She was just 26 years old, and the cause of her death is unclear.

• INSIDE WORLD SOCCER says that L.A. Galaxy fans are not happy that David Beckham is doing everything he can to not have to come back to the MLS. And, as you no doubt know, you do NOT want to make an MLS fanbase angry. That’s a mild displeasure that will haunt Beckham for minutes.

• THE ONION says that Nate Robinson is now just walking around jumping over Dwight Howard in his everyday life.

• The Lions needed a new offensive coordinator that would fit well into the Lions legacy. And, as luck would have it, fired Rams head coach Scott Linehan just happened to be available. Can you think of a more appropriate choice?

• FANIQ brings us a three-part video series featuring a guy waiting for a bus with Stephon Marbury. I guess he just happened to find Steph sitting at a bus stop, and asked if he could shoot a couple videos with him. Somehow, this totally makes sense. Here’s part 1:

• The LOHUD YANKEES BLOG says that not only are the Yanks trying to pull some shenanigans with their season ticket holders, but they can’t spell and/or use basic grammar correctly either. Really, this letter is pretty embarrassing coming from a professional sports organization. If George Steinbrenner was still alive, he’d be really angry.

• I swear, you can’t go five minutes without another huge controversy in the world of professional bass fishing. The L.A. TIMES has the story of Kim Bain-Moore, who is the first woman to ever fish in the apparently important Bassmaster Classic. The 50 male competitors are bent that she qualified on a women’s tour instead of the way they did. Because as we all know, a fish can totally tell which gender is holding the pole that destroyed its life.

• I don’t think there’s any really great way to die, but getting shot through the chest with a crossbow is probably not one of the best ways to go.

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Although, this time around it looks like the age was underreported, rather than the other way around. Yi has long been dogged by rumors that he’s actually older than he says, but now there’s some pretty solid evidence that he was actually born in 1984, and not 1987 (see above photo).

Details and possible ramifications after the jump.

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Today’s slam-dunk subjects are Derek Fisher & Tyronn Lue:

So, what’s exactly happening between the lay-’em-out Laker & the unlucky Buck? Toss up your suggestions into the comments section linked below. Winner will be named in the end-of-the-day recap & have his or her name raised to the rafters - as soon as we can acquire some discount rafters.

Good luck! Phil Jax & Scotty Skiles are depending on you!

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