• Jessica Simpson decides to talk a little smack at the Philadelphia Eagles. What could possibly go wrong?

• Vince Young still feels a bit down - maybe a shrink can help him out.

• Curt Schilling won’t share in New York’s elation over Tom Brady’s injury.

• Wooooo! Ric Flair gets beaten up by his daughter’s boyfriend, yet it’s the daughter who gets arrested for assaulting the cops.

• Pete Carroll won’t play around with your conference call phone pranks.

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For teenagers, September generally isn’t the best month of the year.   It generally just signifies the end of summer vacation and a return to school.   Michelle Wie is still a teenager, and although she’s made herself some money playing golf the last few years, she’s no different than the rest.

However, unlike all her fellow teenagers, she’s not going to be taking Calculus this semester.  No, she’s going to be taking classes at the LPGA’s qualifying school (no word on whether or not English 101 is a part of the curriculum).

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Remember the stink over the LPGA’s “English-Only” policy? With responding threats & anger from civil rights groups, politicians and their own sponsors, the golf organization has decided to back down.

Instead, the LPGA is just “encouraging” their foreign players to learn to speak English. Commissioner Caroline Bivens issued a statement, and you can hear her back pedaling faster than Michelle Wie on a leaderboard after nine holes.

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Despite the good story and impressive feat of Padraig Harrington winning back-to-back British Opens (as well as Greg Norman being competitive), Thomas Bonk of the L.A. TIMES passes on a shocker: without Tiger Woods, the PGA Tour’s TV ratings are taking a dive.

The details of the tournaments without Tiger, as far as eyeballs on sets go, do not bode well for the PGA Championship and the Ryder Cup.

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• GOSSIP GIRLS trots out one of the next possible candidates who may go “Dancing With The Stars” - Kim Kardashian.

Good thing Reggie Bush is getting her in shape.

• Speaking of previous Dancing fools, Matt Mosley of ESPN’s HASHMARKS hikes up highlights from Jason Taylor’s first news conference as a Redskin.

• Steve Cofeld of YAHOO SPORTS catches Floyd Mayweather Jr. possibly parking his Mercedes in a handicapped spot.

• DEADSPIN uncovers some Virginia Tech players taking off their new unis to the delight of the females at a Hokies football clinic.

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Obviously, Greg Norman’s current stance as the leader of the British Open through 54 holes tells us two things: I need to be up at 6 AM Pacific tomorrow to catch the impending collapse live (despite the fact that Norman has won this tournament twice, he’s still living down the ‘96 Masters) and Chris Evert has to be the mythical “Fountain Of Youth” that Spanish explorers came to the New World to search for centuries ago.

While I expect Norman to give us a nice little fall on Sunday for old time’s sake, at least if he falters, it will be because of play on the course or because Padraig Harrington, K.J. Choi, or someone else in the field plays better.

We can’t say the same for Michelle Wie.

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In 2001, 17-year-old Ty Tryon appeared to have it all. He had millions in sponsorships and was the youngest player on the PGA Tour. Phenom! Star-in-the-making! Watch out, Tiger! Who’s that stud driving the white Escalade with the North Carolina blue trim?

Only one obstacle could prevent Ty Tryon from success: he, uhm, kinda sucked at golf. Sure, he’s in the top tenth of a percent of golfers in the world, but that and a Starbucks Card buys you two hours of free Wi-Fi every day. (Gotta buy a coffee, too.)

However, Tryon’s gone through a few retreats and bounced around the world (have clubs, will travel) and is ready to give professional golf another shot with the help of his shot doctor and his trainer and so on. This makes him completely different from Michelle Wie because… well, it doesn’t, really.
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Last Friday, Darren Rovell tried to answer the musical question, “When will Michelle Wie win?” He listed her recent mild successes (making cuts, qualifying for the Women’s U.S. Open, not accidentally shooting her eye out, etc.) while pointing out that she still hasn’t won a damned thing except $10m in endorsements. That sounds full of win to us.

However, Mr. Rovell, we have a bone to pick with you, sir. We have much respect for your work at CNBC, but we note you actually asked a different question in your Friday piece: “Will Wie Live Up To Endorsements?” We’re fairly certain these are two entirely different topics.
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• Julius Erving doesn’t like it when you call him Bill Russell.

(Dr. J & Bill want to know where’s Kareem’s white hair & beard)

• Here’s probably the only blogger Mark Cuban doesn’t hate.

• Ray Allen’s daughter has been diagnosed with diabetes.

• Rashard Mendenhall is on the warpath with his former Illinois team.

• Rocco Mediate knows to keep quiet around Tiger Woods. But will that silence the scorn of NBC soap viewers?

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Michelle Wie made a quick climb through the amateur ranks, qualifying for the prestigious women’s tournament affectionately known as “The Publinks.”

Wie’s record as the youngest qualifier for that event will be broken this week by a fellow Hawai’ian, 10-year-old Allisen Corpuz. Read more…