The ASSOCIATED PRESS reports Lisa Miceli, who twice made Michael Jordan submit to paternity tests three years ago, both of which came up negative, is asking that he be forced to take a third, because she’s 38 kinds of crazy.

“Lisa Miceli also is asking a judge to lift a temporary restraining order imposed after Jordan filed a harassment suit against her.”

Yes, judge, please lift that restraining order for harassment so that I may harass him some more.

If there’s any consolation for Jordan, should the judge side with Miceli, those over-the-counter paternity tests make the procedure far less costly than it was back when he took the previous two in 2005.

• While those in the Beltway got to boo G.W. Bush, THE WORLD OF ISAAC notes that fans in Comerica Park had a better view, as the Tigers had Miss America Kirsten Haglund throw out the first pitch.

Watch out for those candid cameras, Kirsten!

• DEADSPIN doesn’t sleep on the news that one lucky bidder can own Michael Jordan’s old waterbed.

• CHICAGO BULL can’t wait to sign up for the Chris Duhon Basketball Camp.

Read more…

• HOME RUN DERBY has a hit on their hands with these baseball stadiums built out of Legos.

• STEROID NATION is pumped that Victor Conte will soon be writing a book about his BALCO experiences.

• Speaking of literary works, The FLORIDA TIMES-UNION overhears that Lou Holtz may scribble about his experiences as an ESPN analyst.

Read more…

Michael Jordan, whose latest claim to fame was to be listed in Paul McCartney’s divorce coverage as the biggest loser in a celebrity divorce settlement, can finally start working on his nest egg now that the Illinois Supreme Court has declined to hear the appeal of a woman that claimed to bear Jordan’s love child and his promise of $5m in hush money.

(No, the shoes didn’t help you here, but a condom would have)

The charming young lady, Karla Knafel, claimed Jordan promised her the cash to not tell anyone about her 1991 pregnancy or file a paternity suit. When she came forward to try to get the cash in 2002, Jordan counter-sued for extortion and was proven not to be the successful sperm donor through DNA tests.

Read more…

Wonder how Richard Williams feels about the latest VOGUE cover?

• Reggie Bush gets caught in a Hornet’s nest of trouble between Kim Kardashian and an ex-flame at last night’s game in New Orleans.

• Introducing pretty Philly sportscaster Meredith Markovits.

• New Air Jordans are coming out in honor of Michael’s … baseball career?

• The Cubs’ conditioning coach can’t believe the pitching staff would prank him by pummeling his car.

Read more…

Michael Jordan has plenty of money to make back after his (alleged) $168m divorce settlement in 2007. That may explain why he is commemorating the least successful parts of his career to rebuild the coffers. That’s right; it’s the Air Jordan Retro 1 Opening Day Pack, marking his illustrious Birmingham Barons career!

(Warning: Shoe will not help you with breaking pitches)

The dapper home and away models will retail for $105 each on March 29th, the same date as the Civil Rights Game between the White Sox and the Mets. A T-shirt with his baseball number will also drop on the same date. No explanation has been provided why there is no alternate home shoe, green shoe, or camouflage shoe yet.

Read more…

Just doing some double-checking to see of we’re on the Emperor’s Club list