Rays Ace, Bristol Palin Talk About Teen Pregnancy

If there’s one thing Matt Garza knows, it’s pitching. That, and how to knock up your girlfriend while you’re still in high school. The Rays hurler was last year’s ALCS MVP, but I’d like to nominate him for MVP of teenage pregnancy.

Hayden Panettiere, Matt Garza, Bristol Palin

Garza was in New York yesterday for a town hall meeting on teenage pregnancy, where he was one third of the more random panels ever. He, Bristol Palin and Hayden Panettiere lectured kids on keeping it in their pants. Odd words from a triumvirate that consists of two people who didn’t listen to their own advice, plus the chick from “Heroes”.

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Speed Read: Rays Top Red Sox, Ratings, All Logic

Hey, remember when about two weeks ago I was spouting off some amazing reasoning on why the World Series would be Los Angeles and Boston for the sole purpose of perpetuating a great storyline? Well, here’s a better one: two under-the-radar teams are the only squads remaining on the World Series Doppler. Philly’s series tickets already have dry, dry ink, but the American League had a conclusion to reach that lasted, for some inexplicable reason, far, far beyond Game 5.

Tampa Bay Rays win ALCS

(With David Price throwing heat, hell, who needs opposable thumbs?)

The big reason the Rays won 3-1 on Sunday night was Matt Garza lasting seven strong, allowing one run and two hits. That also gave him the ALCS MVP, and a blank check to swear on TBS. Said Garza on LIVE UNCENSORED television, when asked what he’d take, the MVP or the World Series: “Sh*t, I’ll take the World Series every time!”

Tampa Bay Rays celebrate ALCS win

Other MVPs of the game: Price, who got the final four outs of the game for his first major league save ever; Willy Aybar, who provided the team with a solo home run and scored another; Evan Longoria, who gave the world an RBI double; and Jason Varitek for striking out three times and finishing the series with an .050 average. Could the captain catcher be moving elsewhere next year?

Steven Jackson stiff arms the Cowboys

Let’s go with the surprise motif — heck, it’s gotten us this far. The Romo-free Cowboys shouldn’t be a team that the St. Louis Rams — the freakin’ Rams — should boss around. But sure enough, the trap game for America’s team turned into a full-out massacre in a 34-14 win for the Fightin’ Hasletts. You can thank Steven Jackson for 160 yards and three touchdowns, although if I were to draw a pie chart breaking down the amount of people elated with this result:

Steven Jackson pie chart

Now then. What else, you ask, is going on, besides 83 season previews of every NBA team?

How will the 2008 World Series play out?

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Rays Get Heated in Texas Sun, Fight Each Other

Do not shake off Tampa Bay Rays catcher Dioner Navarro’s signs. The man practically invented signs. Don’t tell him how to throw signs. The Bloods, Crips, and Johnny Otis (progenitor of the hand jive) all came to him when they needed signs. Dioner Navarro’s whole life is one big sign, man. Don’t shake off his signs.

Pitcher Matt Garza didn’t listen to us Sunday, though, shaking off Navarro twice in the fourth against noted slugger German Duran. We assume he wanted to give him the heat and announce his presence with authority. Navarro shrugged, possibly imitating Crash Davis, and let Garza throw the heat. Duran deposited the ball into the seats.

Navarro went out to the mound one batter later to explain calmly to Garza exactly how he started the use of fingers, hand position, and timing to convey the best pitch selection to a hurler in 1874, pressing his mask against Garza’s face. The pitching coach had to rush out to break up the impromptu meeting.

But the fun really started after the inning ended.

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