It is well known that in the vegetable kingdom, none is more respected than the fearsome asparagus. That’s why some William & Mary students were wise to nominate it recently as the school’s new athletic mascot.

William & Mary for decades was known as the Indians, but the school changed its nickname to Tribe in the 1980s, and now wants to revamp its mascot. Administration officials said Monday that more than 400 nominations have been submitted, and more than one person has voted for the asparagus. Asparagi?

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Oh, I see you noticed the headline. Did “dry-humping shark mascot” get your attention? I thought it might. Step inside, because we’ve got exactly what you’re looking for.

(You keep presenting like that, little missy, and you’re going to get what’s coming.)

Colombian soccer club Junior Tiburon has an inflatable mascot named Willie. This fact will seem most appropriate in short order. Willie is a shark, and Willie has an infectious amount of team spirit, just like all sharks (see here, though mind the NSFW language). Willy just chooses to express his spirit with a downright ravenous appetite for frottage, something that seems to have gotten the poor shark into trouble.

The final offensive act that did him in, the hump that broke the camel’s back, is shown below. We should warn you: if you don’t want to see a soccer jersey get drygrinded to shreds, please, avert your eyes.

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Unlike the Brett Favre saga, here’s a will-he-retire-or-won’t-he story that actually has my interest. Ted Giannoulas, who has donned a chicken suit to entertain the sports masses for the past 35 years, says that he may retire as The Famous Chicken. For me, this is akin to Willie Mays hanging up the uniform, or Lassie refusing to save Timmy from the well.

Giannoulas is not planning to hang up the feathers because he has lost the drive to perform. He’s 55, but still has some antics left in him. But there aren’t as many gigs as there used to be; just about every pro and college sports franchise now has its own mascot, due in major part to the fact, ironically, that Giannoulas made mascots popular back in the day. Read more…

A WAC tournament semifinal game turned watchable last night, as the mascots of Utah State and New Mexico State got into a little tussle with seven seconds left in a one point game. The trouble seems to have started when a fan put a $100 bounty on the New Mexico State mascot’s mustache.

(It is a fine mustache. Er, was.)

What followed was an epic showdown between (foam) man and (foam) beast, unrivaled by anything save that time I saw the Temple Owl roll the Syracuse Orange halfway down a football field.

[Update:] Now with video, after the jump!

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• THE SCORES REPORT tells us Lisa Guerrero’s blog is off to a fiery start, as she devotes her most recent column to ripping bandwagon Pats fans.

• THE TENNIS TIMES serves up news that Ana Ivanovic may be dating some guy named Fernando Verdasco. Just don’t tell Dan Holzmann.

• THE SLANCH REPORT is not one to kiss and tell - especially when a pre-bout smooch sends one boxer to the canvas.

• WALKOFF WALK hungers at the possibilities of this year’s food bets between MLB mayors.

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• COED keeps the Cold War alive with pom-poms, spandex and flexible females with their Cold War Cheerleader Challenge.

• Is that a “W” next to Carl Pavano’s name in the box score? MY PINSTRIPES thinks that it was all a dream.
• Former New Jersey Nets forward Jayson Williams may or may not have shot his limo driver but he definitely butchered his kids’ names - Whizdom and Tryumph. HOLLYWIRE has more examples of what happens when celebrities are given free range to name their children.
• WIRED takes a look at the Olympic Village that didn’t cost $40 billion, just 300,000 Lego blocks. Photo after the jump. Read more…

TROY NUNES IS AN ABSOLUTE MAGICIAN informs us that EA Sports is putting the cover for their next college football game up for public vote. And it’s not super seniors or fantastic freshmen they’re looking for, but school mascots.

Fans have a chance to decide which costumed character will be gracing the front of NCAA Football 09 for the Nintendo Wii. And what a selection it is. Read more…

Mascots can act like such pricks. Sometimes, they really ARE pricks.

Move over Phillie Phanatic, because America has a new favorite costumed kook. MEDIA BISTRO’S UNBEIGE uncovers the pride & joy of the Rhode Island School of Design: Scrotie!

You’re probably asking - Whaaaaaaaa? Well, the nickname for the RISD’s hockey squad is the Nads. So, what better symbol to lead the fans’ mighty cheer of “Go, Nads!”

But is Scrotie the unmentionable mascot you think he is? Click onward, if you dare (NSFW):

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FORBES has trotted out their picks for America’s top sports mascot, and the Phillie Phanatic flew over the San Diego Chicken to claim the #1 spot.

(The Phanatic on the lookout for MILFs. [Psst - Check behind you!])

In existence since roaming the old Vet back in ‘78, the Phanatic is known for entertaining audiences and annoying baseball old-timers. Upon seeing the big green guy, Joe Garagiola once commented, “Baseball is being invaded by the Muppets.” And Tommy Lasorda has even got into fisticuffs with the Phanatic.

We would have sworn the Chicken would be ruling the mascot roost. But any fuzzball that can rumble with Tommy is also number one in our book.

After the Phanatic & Chicken, Forbes finishes out their top ten:

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As Illinois gets ready for the Rose Bowl, some fans say reports of the death of Chief Illiniwek are greatly exaggerated - or at least still open to discussion:

Eric Zorn of the CHICAGO TRIBUNE sends smoke signals on the latest fight for the revival of the U of I’s controversial mascot.

Last February, under pressure from the NCAA, the school put the feather dress & buckskin-wearing warrior to rest. No longer would the big chief roam around Memorial Stadium or Assembly Hall. And Zorn notes that various websites originally set up in support of Illiniwek have now become inactive.

However, chief supporters of the Chief say that they haven’t given up the fight just yet. The leader of Students for Chief Illiniwek claims, “We’ve been trying to stay under the radar. We’re getting ready for our big push.“

And the co-founder of the Honor the Chief Society has a plan to bring Illiniwek back into the limelight - by changing the way university trustees are appointed. If the group can convince the state to select trustees by popular election, they’re convinced that pro-Chief candidates could be voted onto the board.

Even a university spokesman admitted that many fans & students still wear Illiniwek-inspired clothing to games & on campus. And chief-themed imaged were allowed in last October’s homecoming parade.

It appears that the good Chief is not dead yet, unlike the Illini’s chances against USC in Pasadena.