USA TODAY reports on the "Davie-Brown Index (DBI)," which measures the popularity of celebrities and public figures in several categories.

DBI recently ranked 30 sportscasters’ popularity, and Dan Patrick was voted the "most-noticed announcer," ABC’s Michele Tafoya as the No. 1 "trendsetter," and Terry Bradshaw the "best-known" (but he ranked just No. 288 among all celebrities).

Most interestingly, the "least trustworthy" on-air sports personalities were ESPN football analyst Michael Irvin and TNT hoops PBP guy Marv Albert.

Talk about a life sentence for Mike and Marv. Their big shot at valet, babysitter, security guard, clergyman and eBay powerseller is apparently gone forever.

KINDEGARTEN SLOP: During last week’s TNT telecast of the Pistons-Cavaliers game, Marv Albert said "imagine at the age of 18, your biography has been published, ‘King James: Believe The Hype.’"

Albert’s broadcast partner Steve Kerr: "What’s chapter four? Seventh grade? What do you write about when you’re 18 and you have an autobiography? The kindergarten years were great."

LATE LAUNCH: During last week’s Rockets-Mavs game on TNT, Marv Albert: "It’s a capacity crowd. They sold every ticket in the house, but it is a late arriving crowd."

TNT analyst Steve Kerr: "I thought we were at the Staples Center there for a second."

Spurs Guard Brent Barry gave David Stern a kiss as he received his championship ring from the league’s commissioner Tuesday night.
TNT announcer Steve Kerr: "Then of course, Brent came over to us and said, ‘Don’t worry, no tongue.’;"
TNT’s Marv Albert: "You could see the commissioner kind of moving away. He saw something was coming up."
Kerr: "I believe Brent is the first player in NBA history to kiss David Stern. I’m going to go out on a limb."

The BBC reports that a jockey in Western Australia has been banned from racing for 15 years by local horse racing officials for using spurs with nails and an electrified whip.

No truth to the rumor that Marv Albert will take over his mounts.

The NEW YORK POST reports PENTHOUSE magazine "has hired writers to cover sports, music and gadgets while scaling back on sexually explicit photos."

Great move by the porn mag, especially considering the potential Penthouse Forum editorial staff: Mike Tyson, Jose Lima, Michael Vick, Denny Neagle, Patrick Ewing, Micheal Irvin, Marv Albert and the entire Portland Trailblazers roster - among others.

This might also signal HUSTLER magazine beginning to focus on uncovering hardcore news stories.

Marv Albert to the Knicks: Bite Me.

Meanwhile, Richard Sandomir writes that the Nets hired Albert to boost broadcast ratings. (l/p)

If that isn’t a reason to cancel your Nets season tickets, I don’t know what is.

The NEW YORK POST reports the New Jersey Nets will "soon announce that Marv Albert will be the new voice of the team on YES."

Albert will broadcast around 50 games next season. Current play-by-play man Ian Eagle, "if he agrees to stay on - would do the remainder."

©
- FEBRUARY 10 , 2003 The MIAMI HERALD reports that Senior Golf Tour player Fuzzy Zoeller was DQ’d at the Royal Caribbean Classic last weekend for violating a PGA Tour rule. Fuzzy hit three balls between holes for the benefit of a TV cameraman. The Tour prohibits such "practice" shots during official rounds.

Why was Fuzzy so apt incriminate himself? The shots came at the end of an hour-long golf lesson he provided local FOX-TV reporter Jackie Johnson.

No word if Fuzzy dined on fried chicken and collared greens with Ms. Johnson thanks to his subsequently-forced free time.

RADIO CLASH: Westwood One radio sideline reporter Bonnie Bernstein attempted to interview Tom Brady immediately following the Pats Super Bowl win. Brady to Bernstein after a single question: "I gotta go guys."

Westwood One’s John Dockery tried to interview one of New England’s defensive stars, Richard Seymour. When Marv Albert pitched the broadcast to the sideline, Dockery said, "I was with Richard Seymour."

Sports Broadcasting 101: TV pays the bills.

Marv Albert guested on Letterman this week. Dave on alcohol being the reason for the Pacers-Pistons brawl: "If the guy had not been drunk, this would not have happened, and the NBA doesn’t want to get anybody scared because the beer will pull out of the stadium, and the owners will lose all of that revenue, and people will stop coming to the games because they can’t get drunk."

Letterman showed a copy of EA Sports’ "NBA Live 2005" on-camera, which includes voiceovers from Albert, and said to Marv, "You’re making a huge sum of money on that, aren’t you?"

Albert: "I have the same approach you do. It’s for the kids."