• Hottie soccer WAG Danielle Lloyd gets bruised & bloodied in a bar fight.

(The delicious Danielle, back before her bar-brawling days)

• What a memorable Memorial Day: Jose Canseco gets mauled in his MMA debut, while Mr. T pities Cubs fans with his 7th inning song stylings.

• Meanwhile, Kendra Wilkinson & Hank Baskett go for a dip at the MGM Grand’s Wet Republic - and Holly Madison is there, too!

• Danica Patrick’s latest GoDaddy spot features the randy racer being pulled over by a policewoman-turned-stripper.

• Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima is pregnant. Great job, Marko Jaric!

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• Not only did Memphis Grizzly Marko Jaric get to marry Victoria’s Secret supermodel Adriana Lima, he also got to impregnate her.

(Now that’s what you call one hot mama!)

• Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson & Eagles WR Hank Baskett spend their Memorial Day weekend foolin’ around in the pool with Holly Madison.

• Jocelyne & Monique Lamoureux, a pair of hockey-skating sisters, are bringing their game & good looks back to North Dakota.

• The Orlando Magic aren’t sticking to the script of a LeBron-Kobe finals.

• A recently arrested Florida steroids dealer claims that some Washington Capitals & Washington Nationals are among his customers.

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Back in February supermodel Adriana Lima went and ruined the fantasies of teenage boys everywhere by marrying Memphis Grizzlies point guard Marko Jaric. Though it did provide ugly people throughout the world hope that they too could one day land a supermodel so long as they made over a million dollars a year. So far their marriage seems to be going pretty well, though there was that sexual assault scare for Jaric, and it appears things are going even better for the two of them now.

See that picture of Lima right there? She might not ever look that good again because it seems that Jaric wasn’t content with just taking one of the hottest women in the world off the market. No, he had to go and knock her up, too.

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Less than a month after marrying supermodel Adriana Lima, Chris Mannix of SI.com reports today that “a Philadelphia woman has accused Memphis Grizzlies guard Marko Jaric of sexual assault, multiple sources familiar with the investigation told SI.com. The incident allegedly occurred in March when the Grizzlies were in Philadelphia to play the 76ers.”

(Yes, we’re as flummoxed as you are)

This after the original report from an NBC-TV station in Philly yesterday.

Sucks for me. too. I had Hamed Haddadi in the office pool.

*UPDATE*: The PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER follows up that no charges will be filed against Jaric, as a spokesperson for the Philadelphia District Attorney’s office has stated, “The allegations lack prosecutorial merit.”

• Sorry, fellas - Victoria’s Secret supermodel Adriana Lima is officially off the market after eloping with Memphis Grizzlies guard Marko Jaric.

• Meanwhile, fellow lovely lingerie poser Gisele Bundchen has finally made an honest man out of Tom Brady.

• Could Gina Carano soon be following in Adriana’s & Gisele’s high heels? After all, she just did a spread for Maxim - while her bra is up for bids.

• Speaking of awesome auctions, a Mickey Mantle-autographed “F*** Yogi” baseball was on the block. But Mickey’s son may be calling foul.

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• Another male fantasy flattened: Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima ties the knot with Memphis Grizzlies guard Marko Jaric.

Life just isn’t fair sometimes.

• Gina Carano makes a move to Maxim, while her bra is up for bid.

• The Nets’ Devin Harris makes a game-winning half-court shot to sink the Sixers - even after he was blocked the first time.

• Is it in you? Get Tiger Woods’ used Gatorade bottle for only $25,000.

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With every group of guys, there’s always that one friend in the group that plays way out of his league when it comes to women. The majority of you stay within your “range” of hotness, but there’s the one guy, the one who usually seems to have the least going for him, who ends up marrying the supermodel.

On the Memphis Grizzlies that would be point guard Marko Jaric. Jaric has somehow kept supermodel Adriana Lima drunk enough to date him since 2006, and has even kept her engaged to him since last June. Then a few weeks ago he actually convinced her to run away with him to Wyoming and get married.

(Pics of the happy bride sans wedding dress after the jump.)

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Make no mistake, things are going to be different in Memphis under new coach Lionel Hollins (OK, not much different from the previous two times he coached the team). No more lollygagging, no more backsass, and no more free lunches. That last one’s not a turn of phrase: he’s really doing away with feeding his players.

(Grizz’s beer belly will soon be a thing of the past.)

Tucked at the bottom of this notebook column (where the good stuff always is) in the MEMPHIS COMMERCIAL APPEAL is an item on Hollins stopping the team from providing players with breakfast and lunch before and after their off-day practices. And believe it or not, it’s not recession-related.

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• Dan Cash of WKZO-AM bounces along news from The DETROIT FREE PRESS that two Pistons aren’t enough to drive a Car-melo to Detroit.

• JALOPNIK has video of the fatal funny car crash that killed Scott Kalitta.

• STORMING THE FLOOR chats with Jim Engles, the new guy in Newark hoping to raise the NJIT Highlanders up from the depths of a previous winless season.

• As Marko Jaric gets ready to consummate with Adriana Lima, RUMORS AND RANTS is charmed to present their list of the luckiest guys in sports history.

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At least there’s one big winner on the Minnesota Timberwolves roster, as Marko Jaric is getting married to supermodel Adriana Lima.

PEOPLE reports that the Victoria’s Secret vixen was celebrating her 27th birthday on Thursday when she received a surprise gift from the Serbian shooting guard - an engagement ring. Read more…