Dagger Derek? Darned Important Shot Derek?
Derek and the Three-Point Dominoes?
Perhaps the experts should handle the new handle for Derek Fisher now that he’s sunk another huge shot to carry the Lakers into overtime, where they took a formidable 3-1 series lead via a 99-91 triumph in Orlando last night. A three-pointer on an unusual inbounds play (taking it full court instead of using the opportunity to advance the ball on a time out) with just a few clicks left on the clock cinched the need for extra work from Kobe and friends.
Neither team shot the ball worth a Mouse’s posterior, allowing the Magic to freefall from a 12-point lead into an overtime where they made one lousy shot from the field. Also not helping: the Vitamin Water that made Dwight Howard’s hands too slippery, causing him to turn the ball over seven times and miss over half of his 14 free throw attempts.
The series continues Sunday (because why rush greatness?) in Orlando, but it’s all over but the Kobe Koronation (™ SPORTSbyBROOKS Industries), barring three straight Creighton-esque repeats of Game 3’s wanton abuse of the three-point stripe.
The NHL, on the other hand, has gone the distance in the Stanley Cup Finals with home ice making the difference thus far. For one more night, they’ll be able to draw attention from the Phoenix Coyotes debacle and one man’s claim that the St. Louis Blues are even worse off than the Coyotes these days.
As always, Pittsburgh has brought the charm and grace it’s known for to the final Final game table:
(That man is Bill Guerin, 87-year-old right wing for the Penguins. The sign is in Pittsburgh. The ridiculously large bird wearing the faux sandwich board probably isn’t a union member.)
On the other hand, the birds that sabotaged the Kansas City Royals last night in Cleveland have clearly organized. The Indians’ Shin-Soo Choo singled in the bottom of the tenth to score Mark DeRosa for a 4-3 win, but any possible throw to the plate to thwart the scoring attempt by DeRosa had to be abandoned when the batted ball bounced off a flock of seagulls in center field and ricocheted away:
First bugs and now nature’s winged rats… the Indians will rain down just about any ol’ plague on its enemies, won’t they? The only natural disaster of Biblical proportions left to terrorize opponents with has to be Dwight Howard’s free throws. (Bricks are the little-known 11th plague for obvious reasons.)
And now an errant hail of bullet points to enjoy while you avoid arrest while holding the police at bay by claiming to have swine flu:
- Kids are rather self-sufficient, as all parents know. You just tie ‘em up with ropes and rags and you can head down to the bar for Game 3 of the NBA Finals with zero consequences.
- Rex Grossman has gone from starting quarterback for the Chicago Bears to battling for the backup backup slot in Houston. On the other hand, he’s still being paid to play a game professionally, so we shouldn’t mo… eh, screw it; we’re mocking him deep.
- Marcus Vick might be going to jail. There’s nothing worse than a younger sibling envious of all the attention the older kid gets.
- Asking the NCAA for leniency when changing schools (and not having to sit out a year) to be closer to your sick relatives only works if you select a school next to your sick relatives. Damn you, cruel bureaucracy!
- Derrick Rose is really sorry about that gang sign thing. Best friends in marketing deals still?
- Online poker players have their winnings frozen by the Feds.
- Finally, vindication! The Phillies do have a PED-taking miscreant! Wait… Pablo Ozuna?
- Apparently, young adults are still running around in their underwear at UCLA. Are any of you young men trying to impress the young women in their undies by using package-enhancing drawers?
- And, because we’re inherently weak, a soccer player tackling a referee: