Cuter Competitors Get Wimbledon’s Centre Court

Earlier this week, we reported how tennis commentator Michael Stich ruffled a few feathers when he, um, commented about how women players at Wimbledon are there to “sell sex” (well, not literally). Although it sounds sexist & unfair, it seems there’s a kernel of truth to his statement. And maybe not just a kernel, but a whole bag of Orville Redenbacher’s Gourmet Popping Corn.

Victoria Azarenka Sorana Cirstea

(Victoria Azarenka vs. Sorana Cirstea - low Wimbledon rankings, but high Wimbledon ratings)

Turns out that when selecting which match-ups will play at Wimbledon’s Centre Court, it’s not always the higher-seeded ladies that get to play in the main arena. Instead, it’s the lower-seeded cuties that are often the ones courted to take Centre stage.

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Wimbledon: When Ball Girls, Gisela Dulko Attack

Apparently we have a new poster girl of tennis (why was I not informed sooner?) after Argentine Gisela Dulko upset Maria Sharapova in the second round of Wimbledon on Wednesday. But lovely Gisela took a back seat today to a ball girl who got swamped by the press after having played against Tommy Haas on Wednesday. Hmm, that’s odd.

Here are the action photos of Michael Llodra colliding with ball girl Erin Lorencin on Wednesday during his match with Haas. Llodra was injured and had to withdraw, so Haas decided to make the best of things and challenged random ball girls and boys to play against him at Court No. 1, including Chloe Chambers, who hit with him for about five minutes. Read more…

Lakers Win! Let The Looting & Jackassery Begin!

• The Lakers fans’ celebration in downtown L.A. was a riot. No, seriously.

Hotties at Lakers fans postgame riot at Staples Center

(These Lucky Strike lasses are wanted for questioning. They didn’t do anything wrong - we’re just looking for an excuse to talk to them.)

• Among those witnessing Kobe’s non-Shaq title triumph was Chris Brown & Rihanna - along with a fake Rihanna.

• With his 10th NBA title ring, Phil Jackson should finally call it a career - at least according to Charles Barkley.

• Now that the NBA & NHL seasons are finally over, we can turn our attention to the titles that really matter: the World Air Sex Championships.

• In a recent photoshoot, Anna Kournikova shows she’s still A-OK.

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Tennis: Let’s Start Cutting Back On Ladygrunting

We hope you’re happy, Monica Seles. Ever since you burst onto the scene nearly 20 years ago with your shrieks and grunts accompanying every swing, the game has been irrevocably changed. Now, seemingly every female tennis player, from the Williams Sisters to Maria Sharapova, feels the need to audibilize their effort in strange, loud ways.

Monica Seles looking hot
(The Godmother of the Grunt herself.)

But with the new sensation that is 16-year-old Michelle Larcher de Brito and her “small dog being tortured” screams, the tennis world has seemingly had enough.

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Speed Read: Lakers Crush Magic, TV Execs Hearts

That sound you heard in New York last night were league officials and ABC executives quietly weeping into their gin and tonics while watching Game 1 of the NBA Finals. Because what they were watching was the one thing they didn’t need: a Los Angeles Lakers blowout. For the casual fan, the 100-75 drubbing of the Orlando Magic just confirmed what they already knew, that this series is a letdown after the hype of Kobe Bryant vs. LeBron James, and the Lakers are going to crush the upstart Magic.

Kobe Bryant

Sure, it was close…for a little over a quarter. The Magic did have a five-point lead early in the second quarter, and then the roof collapsed. This is what happens when a team that relies on three-point shooting has a sub-par shooting game (going 8-for-23 from beyond the arc). Without having to fear the Magic from the outside, the Lakers could double and triple-team Dwight Howard, a form of kryptonite that even Superman couldn’t overcome, going 1-for-6 and scoring just 12 points.

Dwight Howard

So while Howard struggled, Kobe was superb, scoring 40 points while coming close to a triple-double. He had 12 points in the second quarter as the Lakers established their dominance, and was able to create opportunities for Pau Gasol and the rest of his supporting cast. And with Phil Jackson being 43-0 in series where his team wins the opening game, Magic coach Stan Van Gundy has to be sweating through his Men’s Wearhouse coat.

But if the Magic need any inspiration, they only need to look to the Stanley Cup (assuming they get Versus in central Florida). Facing a 2-0 deficit against the defending champion Detroit Red Wings, the Pittsburgh Penguins have rallied to tie the series after a 4-2 win in Game 4. Which is especially impressive since they managed to turn an early lead into a 2-1 hole in the second period, which could have easily crippled a lesser team.

Pittsburgh Penguins

And in what can only be seen as a good sign for the Penguins, Sidney Crosby had his first goal of the series, while Evgeni Malkin added a goal and an assist. So now we basically have a best-of-three series starting tomorrow night in Detroit. While the Red Wings are still probably going to win the series, at least the Penguins have made it interesting.

Randy Johnson

Finally, let’s tip our hat to Randy Johnson, who became the first pitcher since Tom Seaver in 1985 to get his 300th victory in his first attempt thanks to the Giants’ 5-1 victory over the Nationals. Thank you for sparing us of the daily update on the ESPN crawl and live game updates ruining our PBA Tour broadcasts on Wednesday nights on ESPN2. The Giants are planning a pregame celebration before their next home game to congratulate Johnson on his 300 career wins - all four of them with San Francisco.

  • The French Open women’s singles final is set, with Dinara Safina and Svetlana Kuznetsova taking each other on in an all-Russian final. In terms of eye candy, this isn’t exactly the Maria Sharapova vs. Ana Ivanovic Australian Open final from last year.
  • Dinara Safina and Svetlana Kuznetsova

  • Calvin Borel isn’t just confident that he’s going to win the Belmont Stakes on Mine That Bird to win the jockey Triple Crown, he’s guaranteeing it. (At least that’s what we think he said with molasses-thick drawl.) If he does pull this off, does this mean he gets put out to stud?
  • LeBron, here’s your slap on the wrist: the NBA fines King James $25,000 for bailing on the post-game press conference after the Cavs’ Game 6 loss to the Magic in the Eastern Conference finals. Plus, you made David Stern cry. How does that feel, LeBron.
  • You want Dontrelle Willis to succeed in his comeback with the Tigers, but then something like this happens: in 2-1/3 innings against the Red Sox yesterday, Willis gave up five runs without allowing a hit, walking five and hitting a batter.
  • Just when you thought that it couldn’t get worse for the New York Mets than getting swept by the Pirates, it also turns out that Jose Reyes has a torn hamstring.
  • John Raines, a substitute teacher and athletic trainer at Sussex Central High in Delaware, has been arrested and charged with “inappropriately touching a student-athlete while treating her injury and threatening to prevent her from playing her sport when she tried to stop his advances.” Which is bad enough, but even worse when considering he’s the second faculty member arrested on sex crimes in the past two days and the third within a year.
  • Spencer Cruise, an all-state high school football player in Iowa, allegedly bodyslammed a cop who was busting up a party and then Tasered him with his own weapon.
  • Buffalo Bills owner Ralph Wilson has selected ESPN’s Chris Berman to introduce him before his induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, and PRO FOOTBALL TALK wonders if that’s such a great idea. (Seriously, was Jim Kelly busy?)
  • Former Tulsa football player Neal Sweeney apparently got into a business dispute with the wrong person, as it ended up with him being shot dead at his fuel sales company. Police have arrested the person they believe is the triggerman, and hope this leads to further breaks in the case.
  • Maurice Neal, a linebacker for the Utah Utes, has been arrested in connection with a bar fight where he took out two men. Shouldn’t Utah be the last place that a bar fight should be happening?

Who is going to be the next 300 game winner in baseball?

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Force Sister Continues to Bring “Hot” to Hot Rods

• Racers on the hot rod circuit will have to deal with a new emerging (and enchanting) force - Ashley Force’s younger sister Courtney:

Courtney Force

• Everything is magical about Tom Brady - from his supermodel wife to his miraculously quick recovery from knee surgery.

Kimbo Slice is trying to get back into MMA the only way he knows how - through a UFC reality TV series.

• Justice Clarence Thomas knows how to keep football recruits committed to Nebraska - by speaking at their high school commencement.

• Remember to always take special care when celebrating your soccer team’s promotion on top of a bouncy Brazilian bus.

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Sharapova Shellacked By Slovak In Near-Shutout

After taking 10 months off to recover from shoulder surgery, tennis titaness Maria Sharapova looked as though she was back in form, scoring win after win in the early rounds of the French Open. However, it all unraveled at Roland Garros on Tuesday, as Maria’s run was cut short by a loss in the quarterfinals.

Maria Sharapova Dominika Cibulkova

But it wasn’t just a defeat, it was a near-embarrassment. Sharapova exited the Open by almost getting shut out - Maria didn’t win a game until she was already down 5-0 in the second set. Although she did score two game victories in a row, Sharapova still succumbed 6-0, 6-2.

So who was the opponent that made mincemeat out of Maria? And will there be pictures of her after the jump?

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Hot Ticket At French Open Is Screaming Teenager

Have you been watching the French Open? No, of course you haven’t been watching it. But maybe you’ve been hearing it. Specifically, one match yesterday where one player’s grunts were so loud, she was warned by the umpire, felt the wrath of the crowd, and ended up in tears.

Michelle Larcher de Brito

Grunting is normal in women’s tennis, if still a little jarring. But what Portuguese 16-year-old Michelle Larcher de Brito does isn’t “grunt.” “Shriek” is closer, but still not right. There’s no word in the English language for the poodle-in-heat/strangling-a-cat ejaculations from Larcher de Brito.

Video, but more importantly, audio, after the jump.

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Russian Swinger Set To Be The Sharapova Of Golf

Ladies golf has seen a surge in popularity in recent years, and it’s easy to see why with women like Natalie Gulbis & Anna Rawson bringing some sex appeal to the swinging set.

Maria Verchenova

Now there’s a new fair maiden of the fairway who might turn some heads when she tees off - Maria Verchenova, straight from that golfing hotbed of Russia. And she’s hoping to be to golf what fellow Russia Maria Sharapova is to tennis.

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A-Rod Overload; SI Stalkers?; Mike Leach is Mad

• Thank goodness this A-Rod steroids admission happened, or we wouldn’t have anything else to talk about.

Alex & Cynthia Rodriguez dinner staredown

(Suppose Cynthia was really on to something, after all?)

• Still, it’s not like he’s accusing any media members of stalking him, right?

Mike Leach is not to tickled about Texas Tech’s additional clauses in its latest contract offer to the Red Raiders coach.

• The tennis coach who served the Williams Sisters & Maria Sharapova has a new 4-year-old prodigy ready to cause a racket.

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