College Baller’s Condom Theft Goes Wildly Wrong

You must feel sorry for Malik Alvin and his generously sized mancannon.

Malik Alvin Trojan Condom Stealer

(Show-off.)

At tiny Binghamton University, the school housing authority tries to meet its students’ contraceptual needs, offering condoms for free, but clearly their selection just couldn’t quite measure up. We struggle to think of any other reason why Alvin, a junior guard from Philadelphia via UTEP and Chipola JC, would try to steal a box of Trojan Magnums (Magnums, people; he’s either having sex or wrapping up parking meters) from a local Wal-Mart. Security there noticed Alvin enter a restroom carrying two boxes of the jimmy hats and leave with none, but the real fun began when they approached him and Alvin fled.

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