Phelps Not Floating High in These Suits Anymore

Remember last summer’s Olympics?  You know, the one with all the swimming records broken and the tokin’ Mark Spitz himself, Michael Phelps? Remember how we all tuned in to watch Phelps win medal after medal and record after record fall?

Natalie Coughlin

(Surprisingly, both suits made swimming sexy last summer)

Now that the last few dollars have been collected and plans have been made to pave paradise and put up a parking lot (and a shopping center), the international swimming body has decided to tear down the Speedo LZR Racer suits and other suits like them that made history possible.

Michael Phelps Speedo

(Don’t worry; someone will still Photoshop out Phelps’ package in the new suits)

By next year, all swimsuits will have to ditch the extra buoyancy, stop covering all the horribly ill-conceived human skin that’s been slowing down swimmers for eons, and cease using all that waterproof material.

Of course, they’ll still be allowed to wear swimsuits of some kind, which at once seems like cheating continued and a missed opportunity for ratings gold.  And what about Phelps’ iPod doping?
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Instead of Banana Hammock, Try The LZR Racer

This seems like a fabulous idea: Speedo will be selling those super-sleek LZR Racer swim suits to the general public. For the millions of you not closely following the mundane minutiae of competitive swimming, the LZR Racer is not without controversy.

Speedo LZR Racer

Apparently, it provides wearers with a technological advantage that has little to do with athletic ability (in a related note, Rex Grossman has contacted Speedo about making a similar suit for football players). I can certainly understand how this might be an issues at, say, the Olympics, but I’m guessing it’ll be less of a concern in line for the diving board at the community pool.

Of course, this raises another question:

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