Ignoring perhaps the most important sports maxim ever — that games are decided on the field — Lou Piniella is getting somewhat desperate to turn the Cubs into winners (or at least lovable losers). Sweet Lou is convinced the problems are all in their heads.

Piniella is turning to proven winners like Phil Jackson and John Wooden, and a number of sports psychologists, to settle Chicago’s mental turmoil. The signing of free agent Milton Bradley immediately invalidates any of Piniella’s strategy.

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Nearly two months after completely melting down in the first round of the playoffs, Lou Piniella took some shots at his team during a radio appearance on Wednesday, saying of his lineup, “It’s right-handed, it’s power-hitting and it’s not very quick.” Wait, Lou, isn’t this somewhat fast left-handed hitter in your lineup?:

Piniella isn’t exactly hiding his disdain for Kosuke Fukudome these days. He’s also not entirely pleased with the recently re-signed Ryan Dempster going on the record as saying that the team wasn’t prepared for the playoffs. Lou’s comments came while he was on WMVP’s “Waddle and Silvy Show” yesterday.

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• INGAMENOW has seven pieces of advice for the guy who paid $10,000 for a date with Maria Sharapova.

• Ann Killion of the SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS brings up a good point: Why is nobody going after Lou Piniella for being 0-6 in the playoffs, while Dusty Baker would’ve never escaped such criticism.

• Tim McCarver calls Manny Ramirez “despicable” in an interview, as reported by THE BIG LEAD. Which would be less awkward if McCarver didn’t have to cover Manny’s team for the NLCS. Maybe Scooter the Talking Baseball can help us with the meaning of “dogging it” to help Tim prove his point.

• WAITING FOR NEXT YEAR compares the Cleveland Browns to Sarah Palin. This might not be such a flattering comparison.

• The ORLANDO SENTINTEL’s Mike Bianchi complains that Florida Gator fans are never satisfied. Apparently a 38-7 win over Arkansas is grounds for thinking something is horribly wrong.

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• Time for the Chicago Cubs to bring that dugout-blessing priest back to the Friendly Confines - so he can administer the Last Rites.

• Speaking of holy matters, a Stanford lineman more or less tells Notre Dame & its fans to go to hell.

• It’s about time we heard from Warren Sapp about his thoughts on this whole Lane Kiffin business.

• Nate Miles’ b-ball career ends before it even starts after the UConn player gets charged for sexual abuse.

• Do you crave more than one Lingerie Bowl game per year? You’re in luck - here comes the Lingerie Football League!

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Lou Piniella, his thoughts surely consumed by the recent backslide of his Chicago Cubs, could really use a distraction. Thanks to a directionally- challenged first base coach, he got exactly that on Friday.

The CHICAGO TRIBUNE tells the tale of a road trip gone horribly awry. Read more…

Chicagoans have a long history of crappy athlete raps. Okay, just the one, but it’s a trend setter:

Therefore, we shamefully include the following in the Chicago Sports Craptastic Pantheon: a car commercial with rapping managers/former athletes. Take it far far away, Lou Piniella and Ozzie Guillen:

Calendars of the SbB Girls could be coming your way by Christmastime.

• Red Sox Nation mourns the loss of two of its greats: David Oritz (placed on the DL) & Hazel Mae (lowballed on a new NESN contract).

• Kimbo Slice hungers for a piece of the boxing pie.

• A one-legged Kentucky youngster is kicking ass in sports.

• Google Maps is quite good at locating Lou Piniella.

• Terrell Owens lambasts Bill Parcells, but he sure looks good doing it.

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Second Google Maps item on SbB today. Ben Maller has a nice find, noting that, “Lou Piniella might not use the internet much but he has been caught leaving a Chicago hot spot by Google Maps.”

“The Cubs manager can be seen walking if you type in the address 3552 N. Clark, Chicago IL 600636, click street view and spin the camera around 180 degrees.” Read more…

Perhaps the only thing more enraging than the umpires blowing all these home run calls is the discourse that’s ensued over how to fix the issue.

Specifically, the debate has been over whether umpires should be allowed to use instant replay. Read more…

Certain Cubs fans probably aren’t thrilled at the signing of veteran outfielder Jim Edmonds, which is probably an understatement. Skipper Lou Piniella was asked about him, but he clearly didn’t want to talk about it, because he said he doesn’t know anything about his recent baseball ability.

Because see what happens when he says something about Edmonds? “He’s going to hit ninth … I’m going to move the pitcher to eighth, and hit him ninth.” Actually, that’s not a bad idea for tonight’s game. Read more…