12:15 PM Former New York Giants receiver David Tyreespoke to hundreds of teens at a Christian conference in Fort Smith, Arkansas on Saturday: "My goal (now) is just to share my heart for God and weave in the story of testimony to impact some young people's lives."
Amidst all the excitement over Rio de Janeiro’s shiny new Summer Olympics and the upcoming Vancouver Winter Games, it’s easy to lose track of another upcoming Olympiad: the 2012 Summer Olympics in London. Well, London would like to remind you that yes, the city and its Olympics still exist; moreover, everyone in that city could be dead before the closing ceremonies.
(The new London Aquatics Center - or, as security’s calling it, TOTAL OSAMA BAIT.)
It’s a strange sentiment; after all, London beat out such heavyweights as Moscow, New York City, Madrid, and Paris for the right to host the games; thus, you’d think officials would be, I dunno, excited? Quite the opposite, though; as a matter of fact, British security minister Alan West (no, not him) seems to think they’re putting the country in grave danger. No, we’re not exaggerating; he’s now calling it “possibly the greatest security challenge the U.K. has faced since the Second World War.”
Oh, so now that you’re getting the Olympics, EYE CANDY CADDIES aren’t good enough for you, eh, England? Hot girls distributing woods and putters are now culturally offensive? Come on Britain, when did you get so high and mighty? I’ve seen your tabloids; you’re not fooling anyone.
(If Ebony Gilbert and Amy Graham can’t caddy, how will they make a living?)
A service that provides attractive girls to act as caddies for a day of golf (and nothing else!) is being banned by at least one string ofgolf courses in England because the girls “are not appropriate for a game that has been selected as an Olympic sport.” Bollocks!
Note to all nations playing host to the Summer Olympics in coming years: You cannot change the weather. We simply don’t possess the technology … just ask the 12 polar bears clinging to same small ice floe near the North Pole. But, damn it, they’re the British. They have to try.
We all watched with amusement at the Beijing Olympics when the Chinese seeded rain clouds with silver iodide pellets, trying to move the rain and help clear the smog. The British, actually, have no real plans to try and move clouds. Instead, they’re searching the world for a team of crack meteorologists so that they can predict the weather. I see no way this can fail! Read more…
As we all learned in “Poltergeist,” you don’t build on a site that was once a sacred burial ground: Unpleasant things tend to happen. So that’s why I’m skipping the 2012 Summer Olympics. Bad omens abound.
Workers building a road southwest of London for the Olympic Games recently unearthed what you should never have to deal with unless you’re getting overtime: A burial pit containing 45 severed skulls. CSI Ipswitch was not called however; it is believed to be an ancient mass war grave dating to Roman times. Read more…
There are plenty of good reasons for a boxer to be banned from the ring. Maybe you have AIDS like Tommy Morrison, and you are therefore a risk of infecting other boxers. Maybe you’re Mike Tyson and since you’ve already tried to bite somebody’s ear off, have that whole rape conviction, and are generally starting to suck anyway, various boxing federations just don’t want you. One reason you should never be barred from boxing, though, is because you have breast implants.
That’s exactly what’s happening to Sarah Blewden, who has been told by the Amateur Boxing Association of England that she will not be allowed to compete for the country’s 2016 Olympic team because of her fake breasts. Not because they put other boxers at risk, but because international rules bar anyone with them from competing because repeated punches to the body could deform the implants and breast tissue surrounding them. All of which Blewden thinks is bollocks.
There would be something intensely ironic, naive, and shortsighted about a site like SbB complaining about a free press exercising its First Amendment rights. That they are able to make their own editorial choices and cover whatever story they see fit is a strength of America and other open democracies. That said, sometimes they make bad choices, and it’s usually when every other news agency is making the exact same choice. Like, say, the media firestorm over a certain picture.
(This picture, to be precise.)
That’s Michael Phelps, as you well know by now, and whenever the biggest Olympic star in the history of the Olympics is caught using illegal drugs, it tends to attract attention. A lot of attention. So much attention that, according to the BALTIMORE SUN, he might skip the 2012 Olympics:
When we last saw the Mormons, they were attempting to murder love. Having succeeded on that, they’ve apparently moved on to more pressing concerns: getting pole dancing into the Olympics.
From CBS 2 in Salt Lake City comes this report of the newest craze to sweep Utah: pole dancing for fitness. If you remember this fad being big a few years ago, you’re right; I like to picture Utah kind of like the Middle East, where it takes about 20 years for pop culture to spread. The new Pat Benatar cassettes are just hitting Tehran now. (Video of Mormon housewives in spandex, at your own risk, after the jump.) Read more…
On Thursday night, the Gunslinger was almost out-slinged, but Matt Cassel’s best effort as a pro came up just a bit short as the Jets beat the Pats 34-31. Favre’s team blew a 24-6 lead, and somehow survived a miraculous game-tying touchdown with one second left that saw Cassel thread the needle to a diving Randy Moss, who just was able to keep both feet on the turf at the edge of the end zone.
The Jets, though, shook off what could’ve been a death blow and took the overtime kickoff right down the field and won it on a 34-yard field goal by Jay Feely. Favre tearfully retired after the game, then immediately went out and shot a deer.
Cassel couldn’t get the win, but for the first time it seems like he really belonged out there. In fact, he became the first NFL player ever (like, EVER) to reach the insanely arbitrary mark of 400 passing yards and 60 rushing yards in the same game.
One thing about the NFL Network. I know a bunch of you out there don’t get it, but doesn’t it seem like they have no microphones on the field to pick up crowd noise? When the Pats tied the score at the end, I could barely hear anyone cheering. It’s like Bob Papa and Chris Collinsworth are sitting in the studio in New York calling the game off a TV monitor with the mute button on. They aren’t doing that, are they?
College basketball is totally sneaking up on us. UCLA began the post-Luc Richard Mbah a Moute era by nearly losing to the Ohio version of Miami. The Bruins do still have Darren Collison and Josh Shipp, but they never could put the RedHawks away and struggled to a 64-59 win at Pauley.
Scott Boras is probably going to just accept that offer the Dodgers made for Manny Ramirez. I mean, it’s not like he’s really all that interested in driving a hard bargain. He wants to just get it over with, you know? That’s providing the Dodgers add another three years and $105 million to their offer, of course, but that shouldn’t be an issue.
(”You want to have the biggest team in town, Artie? What’s it worth to you?”)
The Florida version of Miami beat Virginia Tech 16-14 to keep their ACC title hopes alive, along with everyone else who plays in the ACC. Buffalo beat Akron 43-40 in four overtimes to become bowl eligible for the first time since returning to FBS in 1999. Turner Gill is excited for his team, which he’s going to leave next month for a much better job. It’s official, by the way: the MAC is now more fun to watch than the ACC.
• Well, here it is. Proof that Barry Bonds has been living in an Arctic cave for the past year:
Actually, it’s a screen capture from a hunting trip Barry went on in Canada (two hunting references in the speed read!) with some guy who I guess is an expert on guns or something. YOU BEEN BLINDED has the video, which you should watch if you’ve always wondered what it’s like to hang out with a rifle-toting Barry in a wooden shack while he whispers things like “there it is” and “it’s coming” as dramatic music plays in the background. I can’t think of anything more exciting than watching some guy not shoot things.
• I guess since the Yanks aren’t going to re-sign Jason Giambi, they figured they should bring in a younger, less-roidy version of him. So they traded for Nick Swisher. Swisher is a Billy Beane prototype, in that he walks a lot and hits for some power, but bats like .220. SCOTT PROCTOR’S ARM (regretting that blog name at all?) likes the deal, as Swisher actually isn’t due all that much money for the next three seasons. But what’s with all these guys who used to have insane hair ending up with the Yankees, where they have to wear it like the guys on “Mad Men?”
• Troy Polamalu is saying that the NFL is “becoming more and more flag football, two-hand touch,” in this NBC SPORTS piece about the growing number of players who are fined for illegal hits every week.
• That whole “we don’t want the Olympics” thing the British people are doing? They didn’t really mean that. Everything’s just fine and dandy, says the GUARDIAN.
This is Kelli of the Jaguars’ squad. So please, re-focus your college-age NFL cheerleader fantasies on her. There’s more pics here. When did SI.COM just start running photo galleries of cheerleaders?
• SPORTS MEDIA WATCH says the entire British Open will be on ESPN starting in 2010. Currently, the tournament is split between TNT and ABC. This is all about ESPN trying to drive up the fees it charges cable and satellite companies to carry the channel. That’s why they’re bidding on the BCS too.
• CHICAGO CUBS ONLINE eulogizes the Kerry Wood era in Chicago. To think what might have been. The Cubbies aren’t re-signing Wood because they’ve acquired Kevin Gregg to be their closer. The Marlins had to get rid of Gregg because his salary was pushing seven figures.
• Just stop, Evander. Please. No more. Nobody wants to see you do this anymore.
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