Steal Lance’s Bike, Go To Prison For Three Years

The storybook criminal career of Lee Monroe Crider ended not how we thought it would — in a blaze of machine gun fire with G-Men while accompanied by a mysterious Lady in Red — but in a nondescript Sacramento courtroom. That’s where Public Enemy No. 1 received three years in the Graybar Hotel for one of the greatest atrocities one could imagine - stealing Lance Armstrong’s bike. They should have hung him!

Lance Armstrong, Lee Monroe Crider

Actually, Crider will be sentenced on Monday, where he is expected to get three years pounding rocks on Devil’s Island. Which of course begs the question: If Donte’ Stallworth had stolen a bike instead of, you know, killing a pedestrian while driving drunk, do you think he would have received more than 30 days? Read more…