A scandal I like to call Cookiegate is rocking an Ohio high school, pitting student against teacher, wrestler against coach, parent against administration and man against cookie.

Dillon Kelley (pictured), a wrestler at Centerville High School, is suing the school, the board of ed, and the city after he was kept out of a regional tournament because he was being punished for stealing cookies from the cafeteria. Let’s explore what’s obviously the most heinous sports-related crime since Ray Lewis killed a guy, after the jump.

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Hey Dwyane Wade — Roberto Alomar will see your non-fatal STD and raise you HIV. That’s according to a lawsuit filed by his ex-girlfriend Ilya Dall, charging Alomar with insisting on unprotected sex even though he knew he had full-blown AIDS. And suddenly, steroids don’t seem like the end of the world anymore, do they?

(Kinda puts this in a whole new light, huh?)

Alomar, one of the best second basemen in history, retired in 2005 after rapidly breaking down with a myriad of health issues, but there hadn’t even been the hint of a rumor of anything of this magnitude. We should take this all with a huge grain of salt and an HIV cocktail, because Dall only brought the suit after Alomar broke up with her in October, two-and-a-half years after she claims she first learned he was sick. But there’s some pretty explosive stuff in here.

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Is cheerleading a sport? That’s a question that usually comes up in the context of “how manly do you think sports are,” which usually comes up in the context of “why yes, I would love a ninth beer, how did you know?” But today, it was a question with a considerable amount of money riding on the answer–and not just because some guys made a sizable wager after nine beers.

(In retrospect, America should not have been adopting foreign policy strategy from straight-to-DVD cheerleading movies.)

That’s because Brittany Noffke, a former student at Holmen High School in Wisconsin, got dropped on her head onto a tile floor in 2004, and has been trying to sue her teammate, the school district, and their insurer for damages. And yes, when you get dropped onto your own skull, there are damages. But the Wisconsin Supreme Court just declared her lawsuits void, and their reasoning is a little jarring: Read more…

As The Duke was so kind to inform us all of this morning in the Speed Read, Adam “Pacman” Jones was cut by the Dallas Cowboys yesterday after a story on ESPN talked about his supposed involvement in a shooting outside an suburban Atlanta strip club back in June 2007.

According to the story, while no charges were ever filed against Pacman or anybody else for the shooting, an informant told police that it had been ordered by Jones. Apparently he’d been in some kind of altercation with one of the men that was shot at. Well, as you can easily figure out, Pacman isn’t exactly thrilled with ESPN right now for running the story that cost him his job. So now he needs to find a new way to make money to pay for all these lawyers to keep him out of prison, and the only way to do that would be to sue ESPN.

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What do you do if you’re not Clint Eastwood, and those durn fool kids won’t listen when you tell them to get off your lawn? In what may replace the McDonald’s hot coffee retard as the example of how ridiculously litigious our society is, an 89-year-old woman is suing her neighbors for all the balls and Frisbees that keep landing on her property. Did I mention she was arrested for refusing to return the balls? God. I hate this country.

In the suburbs of Cincinnati, Edna Jester was sick and tired of the kids always running onto her lawn to retrieve their balls. So in October she decided to keep a football. Naturally, the city prosecutor charged her with theft. That was a mortal wound on common sense, but this is the coup de grâce. Jester filed suit against her neighbors, the Tanises, for causing her emotional distress. The ludicrous details of the suit, after the jump.

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Seventy percent of wrestlers on York College’s wrestling team contracted herpes. Rather than being able to tout themselves as a party school, the school is being sued by three of the wrestlers for failing to take the proper precautions to stop the outbreak.

This is the lede in the PHILADELPHIA DAILY NEWS: “Inside the humid confines of college wrestling practice, grapplers spend hours banging heads, grinding faces into the mat and contorting into uncomfortable positions. They spill a little blood and leave puddles of sweat.” Yup, this reads like a herpes story to me.

But this is no laughing matter (Alright, maybe a little). Rather than follow the NCAA guidelines of sitting infected wrestlers until they can be treated, York allegedly threw three of them back on the mat to infect the rest of their team. Those three have quite the lawsuit on their hands.

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I don’t want to get an entire battle of the sexes started here, but while there are plenty of things women can do just as well as a man, there are still plenty of examples where they can’t.   It works both ways as well, because there are just as many things men can’t do as well as women, for example, we men haven’t quite mastered that whole giving birth thing.   One of the things women can’t do as well as their male counterparts is play football, at least, they can’t play with men.

The sport is just way too violent for females to try and compete with men.   I thought this was a pretty obvious fact of life, but apparently I give other people way too much credit.   For instance, there’s this gym coach in Queens that thinks all the kids in his gym class should play tackle football with each other.   With no pads.   On concrete.  Maybe a lawsuit will help change his mind?

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45-year-old Randy Couture may have the fight of his life coming up against Brock Lesnar, but for the MMA mogul, the problems don’t end at the octagon. In addition to his recently settled lawsuit with the UFC, Couture is now facing legal action from a New York-area company that hosted a party of his, and now his wife has just taken out a restraining order on business partner Todd Beard.

(Funny, I thought “restraining” and “order” were the names of her two fists.)

The LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL has the deets: Read more…

As somebody who grew up playing Madden just like the rest of you, one of the things I always found annoying about the game was how the classic teams never had the player’s actual names.  Now I would play with the 85 Bears more often than any other team, and although I knew that RB #34 was Walter Payton, it still would have been nice to see his actual name on there.

It would seem that I’m not the only one who feels this way.  Apparently the players who were on those teams would have enjoyed seeing their names on the screen as well while watching their grandsons play.   After all, there’s a nice chunk of change to be made from those licensing rights, and it shouldn’t just be divided amongst the current players in the NFL.   And now, thanks to a U.S. Federal jury, it won’t be.

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For years the building at 3701 North Kenmore in Chicago has been known around the country, and even the world. Now, nobody famous was born there, or died there, or as far as I know did anything of consequence there. No, the reason the building is famous is because of what’s painted on top of it. It’s the Budweiser Building that has long been visible to anybody attending a Cubs game or watching at home on television.

Well, it’s status as the Budweiser Building may soon be changing according to the man who owns the building. Tom Gramatis bought the building back in June for $8.35 million, and it’s worth it, given the amount of money he can bring in through advertising on it’s rooftop. Of course, it would help out a lot if the boys at Anheuser-Busch could pay their bills on time.

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