Speed Read: Bearcats Go Bust In Their BCS Debut

It started so well for Cincinnati in the Orange Bowl against Virginia Tech. On their first drive of their first-ever BCS bowl game, they marched down the field and scored a touchdown thanks to a pair of big receptions by TE Mardy Gilyard. It was an instant 7-0 lead and a sign to anyone switching over from the dog that was the Rose Bowl that this game could be good.

Cincinnati QB Tony Pike after throwing another INT against the Hokies

And then…pfft. Cincinnati spent the rest of the game playing like a team that was scared to death of being on the big stage. Meanwhile, the Hokies were being the Hokies - physical,  methodical, boring - and just doing enough to salt the game away. The end result? A 20-7 Virginia Tech victory that was moderately more fun to watch than the Sun Bowl. (Hey, at least El Paso had The Village People!)

Meanwhile, in Japan…well, it’s your usual assortment of weirdness from the world of K-1. Specifically, their latest fight card was headlined by Bob Sapp, who combines the physique of Butterbean with the MMA fighting skills of Kimbo Slice into one freak show package that the Japanese can’t get enough of even if no one in the US cares. (Sort of like Cheap Trick.)

Bob Sapp versus a cartoon character

His latest opponent? Um, some guy in a wrestling mask that Sapp outweighed by 140 pounds. And oh yeah, the guy he fought was based on a cartoon character named Kinnikuman. Basically, it’s like if Brock Lesnar fought against the actual Captain Crunch. No, I don’t get it either, but I don’t get most Japanese things (Shonen Knife, sushi, Bobby Valentine). CAGE WRITER has analysis of the card and video of the Sapp/Fictional Character match:

Here’s what else was happening while you were breaking some to all of your New Year’s Resolutions:

  • Bad news for Florida Gator fans: AWFUL ANNOUNCING says that according to Fox, Tim Tebow has apparently decided to transfer to Cincinnati. And play right tackle. And convert to Islam. Either that, or the graphics department at Fox is a mess.
  • Tim Tebow playing for Cincinnati

  • UTEP back-up QB Jeken Frye was attacked on New Year’s Eve by a group of known gang members who came to the house he was at armed with crowbars and metal water meter covers. Not to make light of a serious situation, but honestly - metal water meter covers?
  • The roof of the Ora L. Wildermuth Intramural Center at Indiana was damaged by careless welders (wasn’t that a Wham song?), according to the AP. It’s named after the former school president from the 1930s and 1940s who favored strict segregation. Chuck D. says to let the sucker burn.
  • In case you missed it (and frankly, I can’t imagine that you did), video has finally been posted of David Hasselhoff’s triumphant National Anthem performance at the Las Vegas Bowl. And you know what? He’s not quite Marvin Gaye, but it wasn’t a Carl Lewis-style meltdown, either.
  • CAGE WRITER has another UFC fighter doing a Rampage Jackson impersonation: Josh Neer was arrested after leading Iowa police on a lengthy, high-speed car chase. Yeah, but it wasn’t a monster truck, and he sure didn’t have his picture on the side of his car.
  • The CINCINNATI ENQUIRER has word of a girls high school basketball player who is suing her school because she was injured while scrimmaging against men. But the good news is that the way her shoulder separated was very fundamentally sound.
  • Eastern Washington head basketball coach Kent Earlywine missed out on coaching his team against Boise State on Monday, according the SPOKANE SPOKESMAN-REVIEW, because he had been popped for a DUI that weekend. But he was able to watch the game online. I guess he had his “wine” a little too “early,” huh? (Insert rimshot here.)
  • The MINNEAPOLIS STAR-TRIBUNE says Minnesota Golden Gophers head hockey coach Don Lucia is suffering from an “undisclosed illness” and might miss his first-ever game in 22 years of coaching the team when they take on Brown tonight. I once went a whole three weeks at my old job between missing time with an “undisclosed illness,” otherwise known as being hungover.
  • The SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE debunks the latest Manny Ramirez rumors, saying “it would be a mistake to put too much stock” into rumors that have the slugger coming to the Giants next season. Still, if you think Dodgers fans hated Barry Bonds
  • Don Larsen might have pitched the only perfect game in World Series history, but the SEATTLE TIMES says his flight from Idaho to New York to tape a segment for the new MLB Network was a perfect mess, turning a 60-hour trip into six days of travel hell.

Choose your favorite rendition of the National Anthem:

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Hasselhoff To Honor America Before Vegas Bowl

• Why tune in to the Las Vegas Bowl this Saturday? I got six words for ya: David Hasselhoff sings the national anthem.

Gary Coleman David Hasselhoff KITT

Any chance to elect Gary Coleman as Grand Marshal of the Las Vegas Bowl parade?

Stephon Marbury shows up courtside for the Knicks-Lakers game, after all - not on the bench, but in some pricey seats.

Brian Giles is slapped with a $10 million domestic abuse lawsuit. Is it true? Let’s go to the videotape.

Tony Dorsett’s nephew can score you some coke stronger than anything Mean Joe Greene tosses.

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The Hoff to Meet The Mormons At Las Vegas Bowl

At first glance, this Saturday’s Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl doesn’t appear to be particularly compelling. Yes, BYU had a fine season (even if they weren’t the BCS Busters we thought they were), and Arizona’s ability to finally put together a winning campaign to save Mike Stoops’ job was an interesting story. But it’s hardly Must See TV (especially since the two teams played each other in 2007 and 2006).

The Hoff

But the LAS VEGAS SUN has all the reason you’ll need to tune in from the start: David Hasselhoff is set to sing the National Anthem. That’s right: It’s “The Hoff Meets The Mormons.” Sounds like a great/awful reality show on VH1.

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