The No Fun League is becoming the No Privacy League. Not content to monitor and penalize players for their actions in front of tens of millions of viewers, teams are now keeping an eye on their employees everywhere from locker rooms to hotels to nightclubs. And they’d better be good, because Santa Goodell knows if they’re being naughty or nice.

(”What? A cornerback just ordered a Long Island Iced Tea somewhere? I’m on it.”)

Hannah Karp of the WALL STREET JOURNAL took a look at the measures in place to protect the image of a league with $7 billion in revenue, and finds some methods that could be considered draconian. I’ll admit I was surprised that around 10 percent of NFL players have been arrested. But even more surprising are the Orwellian lengths some teams will go to to keep their golden geese out of trouble.

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The last player selected in the NFL Draft is known as Mr. Irrelevant. The distinction includes all sorts of perks not usually reserved for a guy passed over more than 250 times by all 32 teams. In addition to being honored with the prestigious Lowsman Trophy, this year’s Mr. I, David Vobora, got to kick it at the Playboy Mansion. Not too shabby for someone fighting for an NFL roster spot.

No idea what fringe benefits come along with being the lowest rated player in Madden 09, but Bills rookie offensive tackle Demetrius Bell, holder of that honor, will get a chance to start today’s preseason finale against the Lions. And it’s all because his embarrassingly low Madden ratings motivated him to greatness. Or maybe it was because everybody else was injured. Definitely one or the other, though.

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